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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

So you got home with a soggy, screaming 7-10lbs of a future taxpayer. Your memories from the hospital and the delivery room are hazy at best, with fleeting images of fainting or near-so dads kicked out of the way, the doctor mumbling something about "too late for epidural" while poking his head between the mother-to-be's legs with that sleazy grin you're supposed to take as friendly. The thought of maybe we should have used a condom after all being on top of your mind. And in the midst of the confusion and exhaustion when you crash on the sofa at home, you're staring at the bundle in your arms wondering what now?

The bundle of joy, the cause of all your future misery is deceivingly innocent in its sleepy state, with its itsy bitsy toes and itsy bitsy fingers, and with the occasional sleepy sound you could have sworn was "dad-da". When awake, a baby is controlled by its urges. To the untrained eye, these are food, poopied nappies that feel uncomfortable (We'll get to the rashes later) and various tummyaches and in cases of badly planned parenting, babies lifted or cuddled by strangers will scream as loudly as they can in an effort to summon a panicking parent to "rescue" them from their tormentor back to tormenting their parents. If I'm going to abort the next one doesn't cross your mind at least twice a day, the baby's failing its mission. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to some of Pau Pei's most groundbreaking works of concentric art? (Pictured)

...that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
...that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
...that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?

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In the news [edit]

Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game

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On this day [edit]

July 7: Misleading Hyperlinks Day

1456 - Twenty-five years after Joan of Arc was burnt at the stake, local clergy say sorry.
1862 - Queen Victoria gives the first public display of Breakdancing at Wembley Stadium
1888 - Oscar Wilde heavily utilizes misleading hyperlinks when writing his article The Decay of Lying.
1944 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt declares that today be "National Fracas Day". (Pictured)
1946 - Anna of Austria, Duchess of Bavaria, daughter of Ferdinand I is born.
1995 - Toby Keith writes hit song, "Dirt Roads and Beer Trucks".
2003 - NASA launches the Mars Opportunity Rover into outer space.
2002 - Noted musical artist Jon Bon Jovi cancels a worldwide tour to focus on hair feathering.

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