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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

*gets classical music mp3*

*ahem*... 3... 2... 1...

After gaslighting their followers that the non-existent country of France was a real place, and after stating that Jeffrey Epstein was "my best friend", this horrid Uncyclopedian user has earned their place as one of the most hated Uncyclopedians on the site. It eventually went way deeper than these surface-level facts, however, as it has been revealed that L10nM4st3r has had a secret history of lying, pedophilia, and even more. These events have escalated so much, that recently, Gergdown has deleted their Discord account, and alongside it, have left the Uncyclopedian Discord server. So how did this story occur? (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Vladimir Putin's warm and paternal gaze can cure cancer?

... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom • Coral reefs

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On this day [edit]

October 17: International Take a Sojourn Day

1882 - Canada creates Take a Sojourn to Canada Day to improve Canada, instances of rape by Yaks increase 140%
1907 - Robert Perry becomes the first man to take a sojourn to the North Pole, is raped by a reindeer.
1935 - A wizard did it during a sojourn in Canada, it is said to be fucking magical or something!!
1959 - The Soviet Union institutes Take a Sojurn to the Soviet Union day, instances of Yak rape increase 150%
1995 - Stephen Hawking runs over a cat during a sojourn in Oxford
2006 - A young boy is nearly raped by a gay English teacher while taking a sojourn in Canada

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Picture of the day

Eugene Krabs stands in awe before his establishment as Donald Trump enacts his wonderful tariffs.

Image credit: SystemPhantom
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