User:Tristmaster

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“What a wonderfully perfect idea you have stirring up in your mind. However, in addition to our socialisitic crusade, we should remember to claim our territory in the genius who inspiered us to do so in the first plce. Our beloved king, saviour, and all around ruler of the free (and unfree) world, Oscar Wilde.”

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Member of the Order
Oscar.jpg
This article contains too much Oscar Wilde... or possibly Chuck Norris ...maybe both.

For your own safety, please contact a professional before adding any additional Oscar Wilde or Chuck Norris related content.


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This person is God

This person is officially god of super smash bros. and anything else nintendo.


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This user knows the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.
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This user is a mutant.
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Cnorris.png
WARNING: this user knows Chuck Norris, and therefore must be either Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde, or dead. Proceed with caution!!!
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This user is a conspirator in the Grand Conspiracy.
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JapaneseToiletBidet.jpg This user is a toilet! In Soviet Russia, toilet urinates on YOU!!
RENT
This space for rent.
Lube available.
Call 1-800-666-6666.
RENT
אױ אַ שײנעם ברכת
דער אוזערניק איז אַ מעשוגענאער שלעמיל און אַ ‫פֿאַרשטוקענע פּוץ. (Der usernik iz a meshugganah shlemiel un a farshtukenah putz.)
אױ אַ שײנעם ברכת
Uncyclopedia elzzup otatop.jpg
.sdrawkcab si resu sihT
!degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN
Buddychr.png
This user has found Jesus, and is therefore no longer a threat to society.
Mario-lo-res.jpg
This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy.
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This User has joined the Grue Army. FEAR HIM.
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Domokunyellownbackground.jpg
This user is a member of Twin Suns Squadron. Fear them.
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Popeeyebeams.jpg
This user is a complete, irredeemable bread knife. They are Bat Fuck Insane, and speak at a zombie.
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DIFF H This user plays Video Games on the highest difficulty available because they like to get the most out of their games and thinks you should too! Git Gud everyone!
Neo Small.jpg
This user believes in the Matrixes and needs to seriously get in touch with the real world (It's actually Matrices)
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This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight.
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This user is easily distracted by anything shiny.
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This user completely enjoys pie because it is awesome.
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This user slays grues in their sleep.
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usbx
This user likes to use userboxes.
usbx
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This user owns by one or more cats just so they can keep an eye on them.
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Usb!
No, really!
Usb!
??
This userbox is for people who know, if you wonder what they know, then you probably don't know.
??
USB!!!!!11
NO, REALLY TRULY REALLY!!!!
USB!!!!!11
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This user is a grue, and while you were reading this, has eaten you. Start over?
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I am an assassin, and can kill you anywhere you go from in the shadows. Fear me!
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This user's future is so bright, they've gotta wear shades.
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Domokunyellownbackground.jpg
This User has joined the Black ops Squadron. and will not hesitate to kill you if your gay or racist.
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CtFgr.png
This user likes Capture the flag.
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NO
This user doesn't care.
NO
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Gadzooks!   This user participates in
T h e   W i l d e   P r o j e c t !
(Or at least pretends to.)
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This user is reading your thoughts!
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Firefox Logo.png
This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla.
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This user would be a professional procrastinator, but they can't be bothered.
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This user is a serial killer, and they are standing right behind you!!
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Grue Jammy.gif
This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!
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JFKennedy.jpg
This user shot J.F.Kennedy.
DON'T TELL THIS USER'S MUMMY!
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This user is fae Bonnie Scotland and'll shove yer granny aff a bus if she's no made tiffin
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This user is a Ninjazi, with dominion over everything that goes "Sieg Heil".
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ego
This user is a deluded egomaniac.
ego
Z
Z
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This user supports the Union of European Soviet Republics.
(Otherwise known as the EC)
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This is what happens to people that disagree with this user.
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This user is elite.
{{{3}}}
Don't make a move. I'm watching you.
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This user's IQ is over OVER 9000!!!!!!.
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Z2
This user has united the Golden Egg of Arkora and beaten Zork 2: Gruel and Unusual Punishment.
Z2
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Just because I think everyone is trying to kill me doesn't mean they aren't. You know what I mean?
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This user is a bit of a pyromaniac.
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United Kingdom
This user is a total UKer
and can pronounce aluminium correctly.
(British Uncyclopedians)
nth
WARNING: Keep away from this user as they love working out nth terms.
nth
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I collect userboxes as if they were trading cards, hoping that they may be collectors items worth something in the future.
Z3
This user has saved the Beautiful Princess Rosemary and beaten Zork 3: The Dungeon Master.
Z3
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This user is pilfering ye booty!
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This user believes in the Noodly Appendage of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
Aspie with Humor
This user has a sense of humor, in spite of their Asperger Syndrome.
Aspie with Humor
Z4
This dreams of playing Zork 4: Escape From Darkness again.
Z4
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This user be getting drunk on his booty..
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ao-E
This user only speaks AOLer because it was a required course in school.
ao-E
bs-3
This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of Bullsh!t.
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cpp-2
This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of C++.
cpp-2
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I played Grueslayer and all I won was this lousy userbox!
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How dare you consider this user not awesome! How dare you not recognise the awesomeness of this user! This person uses the power of "How Dare You"!
fig-N
This user is a native speaker of Fight.
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gb-4
This user speaks Gibberish at a near-native level.
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mor-1
This user is able to contribute with a basic level of -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . .
mor-1
Pie-4
This user speaks Pie at a near-native level.
Pie-4
rh-N
This user is a native speaker of Random Humour.
rh-N
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This user finished Grueslayer on hard mode, and is worthy of the title of Grueslayer!
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{| cellspacing="0" style="width: 238px; background: red;"

| style="width: 45px; height: 45px; background: #CCCCCC; text-align: center; font-size: 14pt; color: black;" | IP | style="font-size: 8pt; padding: 4pt; line-height: 1.25em; color: black;" | This person's IP is 6.6.6. |}

ru-4
This user speaks Русский at a near-native level.
ru-4
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THIS USER IS ADDICTED TO COWBELL, AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS.
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ABYSS
This user has survived the wretched dark place we call The Abyss.
ABYSS
C:\>_
This user contributes using DOS.
C:\>_
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This user rejects the theory of global warming, or at least thinks it's someone else's problem.
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This user studies psychology because it's really easy and sounds good at dinner parties.
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A x2
This user is lucky to have survived going through the Grue-infested pit we call The Abyss more than once.
A x2
Sense
This user promotes the radical idea of having sense.
Sense
bu-E
This user killed 13 of his classmates in school speaking Bullet.
bu-E
sa-4
This user speaks Sarcasm at a near-native level.
sa-4
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This user is a Registered User and they can upload images and move pages, whoopdie freakin doo.
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This user hates you and everyone you care about.
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3
This user has written 3 articles because they like to keep busy while shirking real life responsibilities.
3
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This user seriously needs to calm down.
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This user will give you a seizure.
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Htis user sepaks typO at a naer0native levle.
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This user is right-handed.
In Latin, they would be Dexter.
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This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep*
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MEH
This user redefines lazy!
MEH
sub
subliminal!
sub
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This user is from Camelot, and eats ham and jam and spamalot!
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ubx–
crapload
This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to some other page.
ubx–
crapload
DrHouse.jpg
This user idolises Dr. House
but since Everybody Lies, you can't be sure how much.
official
This user is official. They get all their user boxes from here.
official
Color
This user likes random colored userboxes.
Color
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This user can see what you don't!
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This user is a Christian (as long as they put a dollar in the box).
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Image-4.jpg
Formerly lost among the dregs of society, this user has defected and crossed over from the dark side. Welcome to the machine....
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Temp This is a template userbox, to create userboxes from. Anyone with it on his/her page is clearly just looking for an excuse to have more Userboxes.
Blue-supra-1.jpg
This user can drift and beat D.K.
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This user is not American
…and unabashedly proud of it.
(But they're not saying where they're from in case y'all come and bomb the hell out of it.)
(List of NonAmerican Uncyclopedians)
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This user is the random minuscule aviator that sanctified their arm inside of your encyclopediae so you must crazily deteriorate them with an iPod.
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grue
This user is grue years old. Woop-ti-doo.
grue
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I joined the Folding@home team, because I have nothing better to do with my computer.
Protein.GIF
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This user uses Windows because they can't get enough of your lover.
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European Union
This user is €uro …and denies their "real" citizenship
(List of European Uncyclopedians)
bu-N
This user is a native speaker of Bullet and can fire high-caliber rounds in full-automatic mode.
bu-N
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This user is not who you think they are. In fact, they are someone who you think is not them, who thinks they are (who you think is not - who is).
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This user is a member of the Uncyclopedia Departure of Fun.
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This User a n00b is not, and approves that, Yoda does.
If you are a n00b who is looking at this, you have just exploded.
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This user hates telephones. Probably due to the fact that the U.S. government is monitoring them.
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Nuvola apps important.svg
This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM
Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.
Nuvola apps important.svg
MS-N
This user grew up in a forward-thinking family, and therefore always speaks their mind, you nerd.
MS-N
BK
This user is a Black Knight!!
BK
Kraspin.gif
This user enjoys staring at spinning objects. They may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie!

You can help by paying for their Ritalin, or finding them a kitten to play with.


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This user identifies as straight, and is probably grossed out by gay PDA.
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This user supports the Union of Eurabian Socialist Republics.
(Otherwise known as the EC)
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Bread2.jpg This user is a cereal killer.
Wii.jpg This user prefers the Wii as 'it's the game play that counts'.
610px-NGC Gamecube.jpg This user plays games on the Nintendo GameCube as they broke their window with the Wii remote and can't afford another.
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This user is a Nintendo fan.
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This user, Tristmaster, is a genuine Puppet Master.

This person has done (assumedly) bad things to Uncyclopedia under approximately 3 3000 pseudonyms.


Zork
This user edits the Zork trilogy.
Zork
Abyss
This user edits The Abyss.
Abyss
ow-4
This user had once seen Oscar Wilde in a crowd from a distance and knows all his works and quotes by heart.
ow-4
Sex
This user is against sexuality; probably because it is not a pervert like you.
Sex
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Big Brother is watching this user...and YOU!
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ABYSS x?,??? This user IS The Abyss.
Investment bonds.jpg
This user is a miser, and couldn't be happier with their money!
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This user is a Communist
& is working on their Lenin mustache! ☭
Tetris kick ass.png This user kicks butt at Tetяis: not that that's anything to be proud of.
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This user is against computer and video game censorship and regulation as they like porn and violence (though not always at the same time).
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European Union
This user supports the European Reich.
Heil Hitler!
European Union


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This user is a member of the Anti Kitten Huffing Movement.
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This user is a Sniper and has their rifle pointing at your head.
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This user has eye beams.
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Deadbarney3.gif
This user believes Barney is evil, and therefore must die.
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This user is a Mercenary, and chooses their own wars to fight in.
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This person helps reduce over-population by killing people, thus helping the environment.
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This user is an Assault Soldier and is pWn1ng n00bs with their quarter gun.
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Number of people who tristmaster has owned and pwned at the same time at super smash bros. since you started reading this article.:

CounterZero.gifCounterZero.gifCounterZero.gifCounter5.gifCounter4.gifCounter3.gifCounter2.gif


Push the baby! This article force pushes infants.

You can help by bolting it to the floor.


This user is an ageless immortal, or so they like to think.


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This user should not be trusted.
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LV-5 This user considers him/herself a professional gamer and so has the worlds highest scores but no job, money, friends or place to live.


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The Black Knight has never been punished by UnBestiary. Learn from their actions and act like them.
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This user is a zombie, and will think twice before messing with SCO again.
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This user is not a ninja because ninjas are gay.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAA!!!
9/21
This user will never forget the events of 9/21/07; the day Uncyclopedia was huffed by terrorists.
9/21
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Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....BANANAPHONE!!!!
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THIS IS SPARTA!
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This user will never forget October 23, 2008; the day that Wikia sold its soul. :-S
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17-4
This user speaks 1337 at a near-native level.
17-4
Small notebook gamer.jpg This user prefers to play games on a laptop as they don't have to stop to go to the toilet.
Nintendo ds.png This user prefers the Nintendo DS over the PSP as they have far superior multitasking abilities.


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This user understands American sign language.
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Canadian snowman.jpg
This user is cooler than you.
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RS
This user plays RunEscape.
Laugh at Pray for them.
RS
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This user has a Really Lame Password. Seriously, you could probably guess it.
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This user plays on an Xbox 360 as their pretentiousness knows no bounds.

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This user is a New Yorker
… L.A Sucks!!!
(Uncyclopedians from the greatest city ever!)
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VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK

This page is not appropriate for our more sensitive viewers. It may contain naughty, filthy things like breasts, boobies, tits, knockers or funbags. Nasty words like cock, fuck, capitalism, & Barbra Streisand may also appear in the text. Viewing by persons under the age of 18 is not recommended, no matter how much they want to see a page filled with cursing. That means you, <insert name here>. Yes, we know who you are & Jesus is watching you!

this article is about me. me me me me me me me me mem mem emem memem emme memem mem ememmmmmemememememememememmemem,emeeemrmemememememememmemeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ummm, yea anyway the point is. your gonna die soon. do you know why? its becouse your reading this article and saying candyman. your not? well then your very lucky, mostly becouse you'll live another 5 seconds. point is, your gonna die mostly becouse i kno where you live, and i know how to give directions to chuck norris. so he can kick your ass using a roundhouse kick.


biography[edit | edit source]

(speaking in 3rd person) tristmaster was born in a tropical paridise with many others. although unlike the many others, he didnt laugh at mexicans. he grew up to get accounts on many other sites, such as roblox, deviantart, urban rivals, and uncyclopedia. and thats it.


Zqwall cropped.gif3D grue.png
For all those who actually belive someone has killed me. THIS is what really happened. more realisticly, it's a futile attempt to beat me in SSB. and many other online things, as well as real life.


you will see this sign on the way to my domicile.
This is your fate when you get near me in SSB.


intrests[edit | edit source]

  • death
  • your mom
  • something other than you
  • uncyclopedia
  • not getting his article huffed
  • god
  • ultimite jesus
  • master hand
  • crazy hand
  • umm
  • err
  • yea.......
  • ......................
  • .......i got it
  • he likes PIE!!!!!!!!!
  • and ice cream
  • and of course brownies
  • play the game
  • or ill kill you
  • c'mon hop to it
  • or ill get michael jackson to see you
  • if your over 12
  • ill get your future cellmate
  • his name is bubba
  • I bet you two will have lots of fun
  • your sister
such beutiful poetry.....

dislikes[edit | edit source]

  • lust
  • rape
  • anything about sexual harrasment
  • you
  • educational programing
  • many many other things
  • and more....
  • including the grue
  • water grues
  • shadow grues
  • russian frues
  • other grues
  • eurgs
  • anti-grues
  • you again
  • ..........prepare to die

what else?[edit | edit source]

acording to the diagnostic the patiant suffers from severe personality and social issues. fantisizes about killing anyone or anything that acts on his dislikes. and goes against his intrests.

                                                                   -dr.pchycosis

WTF?

YES, THIS is an average encounter with me.
You shall bow down, otherwise you will be Huffed.

The Country[edit | edit source]

“In Soviet Russia, tristmasterland is dictated by YOU!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Tristmasterland

Well the country is very intresting, you see. it involves Nazism,Kommunism,facism, imperialism,and ownageism. while this creates some instability, at least he shoots all capitalists. the population is so far about 5,000 due to misbehavior. although it's a well known fact that if you worship tristmaster, you will be forgiven 1 mortal sin, as well as 3 regular sins. best of all in tristmasterland, free biscuit fridays at popeye's chicken and biscuits has been moved tooooooooooo....................all week long. a move very popular with claveman. of course things such as mcdonalds, burgerking, wendy's, and arby's, are also prominant. so remember, obay and eat the food, and you live.EXTRA: now, with this special offer, get a house in Tristmasterland for 100,000,000,000,000,000,000$ cheaper. a house is now 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000$. this special offer is only avaiable for the next 300 years,so call now, remember, in 300 years, duke nukem forever might finally come out(although most likely not) come out, so we have a reason to close the offer in celebration, or sadness. call now at 1-800-666-IPWNU, or log in at www.Tristmasterlandenslavement.com. WAIT, theres more, get a house now and we will give you on FREE copy of ZORK. thats right, a FREE copy of Zork. NO, not Zork 2, Zork 3, Or Zork 4. But the ORIGANAL Zork.(ordering Zork requires 19.99$ to pay for keeping the game on your computer, as well as tax, which is another 20.00$)SO ORDER NOW. GET A FREE CAR AS WELL. Tristmastermobiles are being made to keep the people moving around. as long as you don't press any buttons, you should be fine, or at least not dead. while your at it, get a FREE tristmasternought, the greatest battleship, err motorboat, to sail the seven seas.AND NOW, get a FREE Tristmasterjet. which can fly at 42,000,000,000,000,000,000 MPH.(be warned the jet has no brakes).

Tristmasterland
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014.jpg
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
National Motto: "Obay Grues or we shoot you."
Official language bullet
Capital IPWNYU city
Dictator
Tristmaster(WHO THE FUCK DID YOU THINK IT WAS, HUH, SNAPPLE? I THINK NOT!)
Religion tristmasterism
Independence set since the begining of time. ha just joking i control everyone through mind control
Currency super smash bros. coins
National Anthem "Obay the great Tristmaster"
National Holiday Tristmaster day, Oscar Wilde day.
National Slogan I OWN YOUR ASS


MY NINJASTARS AND AWARDS[edit | edit source]

no, i did not steal them. if they look like there stolen its becouse i'm a humerous person. and i try to change the text around a little bit for laughs.




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