Video game

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Gad durned children.


Them kids with them vidja games and new fangled technology.

It's all bad, y'know.


Health Effects[edit | edit source]

Addiction[edit | edit source]

See also: Video game addiction

Despite the fact that video games are cool as fuck, video game addiction is proven and real. Video games are actually not designed to be addictive. The side effects of this semi-well-documented condition are quite widespread, and stem from social withdrawal to obesity.

Mass Shootings[edit | edit source]

Electronic video games have been proven by several non-loosely based studies to cause involuntary obesity and cause frogs to become gay. Similar to other atrocious influcers like water,defication, repeated oxegyn intake,consumption of edible foods video games have been correlated to mass shooters.

Public defication correlation[edit | edit source]

California LA is home to the Electronic Entertainment Expo degenerately know as "E3". Los Angeles also has been discovered to have the highest rate of public defication. Many experts have related methane released from cow farms to be similar to public defication cauessd from video games. The game GTA V takes place in los Santos and among the virtual world dogs have been seen to take massive shits on the road regularly, experts agree this has the inspirational factor causing 40 year old tweaker bumbs to release themselves on the streets.Therefore providing indesputable evidence that video games are a contributing factor to global warming.

Furry Hyponotization Program[edit | edit source]

"Ever since the invention of the electronic medium know as video games a rise in the species know as furries has occured" -Holly Baglio, youtube star

Video games, among other nefarious plots by the government to subdue and control the people has been found to have hidden MKultra therapy fused among its many images. Ever since the widespread use of handheld consoles in the 90's we have seen a 0.69% increase in the furry population yearly. Children's brains, who have not been fully developed are extremely vonureable to this furry propaganda. Everything from animal crossing to far cry has furry creatures contained within there virtual realms,this has idealized the ways of the yiff yaff to many adolescents.

Hate that stuff.[edit | edit source]

All of it, mmm-yup.

This one boy down the street, he's got the worst of them all I tell you what.

Not to say they're all bad.

Back in my day we didn't have vidja games, we just had doctor and cops and robbers.

Now that's some good, clean fun I tell you what.

Another fun game was marbles. We'd just shoot those little balls all day long. Endless fun and no mayhem.

But nowadays, y'know. Real bad stuff.

Have you seen that one game? With the whores and the guns and mafia and all that?

Real bad I tell you what.

None of it's good, neither.[edit | edit source]

Ol' Gladys told me that some vidja games is good, but that's none right at all.

On the contrary, none of them is good a bit. Not one, nuh-uh. And I've seen them all.

I walked into one of them Eletromagic Boutiques the other day, where the durned children buy their vidja games, and the fella who worked there had the gum not to help me when my walker got caught in the electric entrance thingamajig.


What's the point of those things anyway. Like I'd ever steal from a library.

Gad durned paranoid kids I tell you what.

Anyways[edit | edit source]

It's all bad stuff. After I got my walker untangled I fancied a little trip around the store and lemme tell you what I found.

Unbelievable stuff I tell you what.

There was the one game about cars having sex with monkeys as they done crashed into each other.

Yup, you heard me right.

Durned vidja game makers would thinka anything. I'm in the mind to head down to their home and knock the stuffing outta them with my cane.


They give the kids the brain damage, too.

Why, ol' Glady's own nephew only wants to play his vidja games when he visits the Home. He thinks about anything is a vidja game, anyway. He pointed at my catheter and said "Hey man, is that a vidja game?" and I said "Heck no boy, that ain't no vidja game, unless you consider sticking piss outta my wee wee to be fun and technomologic."

Haven't seen the kid since. Set the li'l bastard straight I tell you what.

All this rantin' bout vidja games is makin' my throat cranky. Git me some orange juice, kid.

Ssssssssip[edit | edit source]

Now that's some good OJ, mmm-yep. A piece of old fashioned America in every sip, without the pulp.

That's what we durned-well need more of.

Less vidja games, more OJ. And no games about OJ either!

Them two stuffs like an acid and a base, purple pants with a red shirt, or two penises and one hole. You just don't combine them. Nature don't work that way.

As much as some of us long it did.


I don't know why I ever bought that Gad durned shirt in that gad durned Kay Beck anyway. Sometimes I'm happy that old crone that dragged me there is gone I tell you what.

If she were still here she'd be worse'n be, rantin' off like this about vidja games.

Good riddance, I say.

I never liked that goldfish.


Well, I's always got Lurlene[edit | edit source]

Yup, she'd stick with me through rain or shine.

That's one woman I can trust to know her place.

The wife just cooks and cleans, and leaves the feeding and vacation planning to me.

Them types you can tru-

Wait a minute, I say.

Is that...?

What the? It is! Gad durned woman, get back in the fishbowl!