From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Take it.. IT'S YOURS!!!

Achilles on Immortality

Killed it, tea bagged it and, raped it.

Master Chief on Immortality

I did all that 2 minutes after I was born.....bitch

Carmine on above comment

I'm bored.

God on Being Immortal

Immortality is state of eternal existence, possessed by all living beings.

NOTE: The Immortal page contains all of this information and more.

Since it is impossible to prove categorically that a living being will die, they must be assumed to be immortal, until such time as they actually do die, if indeed that ever happens. Of course if the being dies, it's impossible to prove the point to that being, who will either cease to exist (and therefore not be avaiable to receive the proof) or, still existing in some afterlife (and therefore still, technically, immortal).

Ergo, each of us must consider ourselves immortal visa ve we will never learn of our own lack of existance. Your life insurance was therefore mis-sold, and you have a case against the insurance company which sold it to you.

Conversely, it's impossible for any being OTHER than yourself to prove to you that they are immortal, since the only way they can do that is to exist forever without dying, which will take forever to do, and therefore never be completed.

Immortality should not be confused with Immorality or Oscar Wilde, which are commonly considered to be better adhesives.

Thinking you're inherently immortal (which is all lies!) is the cause of juvenile behavior among emos and new age cults. They self-destruct in the delusion that everyone is a perfect being and that moral wrongs, guilt, and death are all an illusion that will not effect you. The irony is that they believe in forgiveness (which assumes wrongs do exist) and would feel "guilty" if they didn't don't love everybody. This proves that immortality isn't inherent, but conditional (it depends if we want it).

Why do we still die? Some say it's "soul sleep, but most people think some sadist alien gods left us here to "evolve" on our own as if we were some gods of our own, but actually it was us who abandoned the Gods and we only think we're gods because the fallen Enlightened one tricked us into thinking that we are actually angels in bodies, but actually we're bodies possessed by devils! This is where people get the idea that they possess a life force or identify the consciousness as the life force. They think "my life, my rules". Heck, since they believe that they create their own reality, what "truth" is there? Algebra is red and 2 plus 2 is fish! If they can do that, what moral right to they have to defend "love" (the principle of life itself)? This is where some environmentalists go mental thinking that they can break the laws of physics. They deny that energy must have a source (God?) or else it would go against the law of inertia.

Ways to Become Immortal[edit]

  • 1-Eat a SpaghettiO.

REASON: Long noodles bring long life. Life is calculated by the integral of (x_AB) where x is the length, where the axis is rotated on 180 angle (as the arctan, c, of the diameter) in the terms of "circling the square."A is one end of the noodle, B is the other, C is between.

SpaghettiO's are circular noodles. There is one side and therefore no points. The rotational axis is even 360 degrees, placed in the center and is produced by the inversion of the range of AC and BC subtracted from the Z axis Omega minus ABC3 value. Now, the arctan of the diameter would be 0 since a circle is identical when rotated, meaning that c=0, the #diameter|lim=infinity, angle AB equals infinity and the integral of x=AB;life=x=infinity; therefore, SpaghettiO's make you immortal.

REASON: Republicans take care of there own (e.g. Dick Cheney...Q.E.D.).

  • Wreck time and space (The easist way)
  • Piss off god (How else could Zell Miller still be alive?)
  • Scream I-D-D-Q-D while surrounded by man-eating zombies and demons. Doing so will turn your eyes gold and you will be completely invulnerable. You will, however still be vulnerable to tele-fragging, so do not stand in a teleporter.
  • Become an Eagle Scout
  • Try not to die by avoiding death at all costs
  • Become Keanu Reeves

See also[edit]