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The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America was a grass-roots political organization which was (apparently) the sole driving force behind the ban of pay toilets in many American cities and states. Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure."

“When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom.”
– Ira Gessel

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Did you know...

... that the Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament was founded by the Duke of York? (Pictured)

... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?

... that I'm secretly looking for Nazi Gold right now? (Pictured)

... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that my mom's name is also Martha?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?

... that L10nM4st3r is a cannibal? (Pictured)

... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?

... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured)

... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that your fly is unzipped?
... that 100% of people who are rushed to the hospital will die?
... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?

... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)

... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"

... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?

... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq) 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat. 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO. 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day. 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured) 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China. 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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