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Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
186 active editors • 40,987 articles in English

From today's featured article 

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Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
  • ... that I am Batman?
  • ... that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
  • ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?

In the news 

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Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

On this day 

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March 9: National "Shit We Forgot to Celebrate Your Birthday" Day (Canada)

  • 400 BC - Noted Greek scholar and intellectual Hypocrites denounces extravagant living from his posh ninety-acre woodland mansion.
  • 1862 - First American Civil War battle between two Ironclad ships ends in draw after the CSS Virginia argues the war was about "economics, not slavery" as if the two topics are separate.
  • 1982 - Time travel party is announced three weeks ago in Baltimore, scientists declare that time travelers don't like Maryland very much.
  • 1994 - Bill Gates announces invention of a method that lets men hold handbags without looking "super gay", men clamor for secret.
  • 1996 - Secret to holding handbag like a man revealed: tie the strap around your balls and swing the handbag around like a flail. Cowardly men invent the extra-large pants pocket instead.

Picture of the day

SwineFlu
 Once the pharmaceutical companies had porked the porcine strain with mother's classic formula, the only epidemic plaguing the world was terrible, terrible puns.

Image credit: Lemsip for providing the original and me for editing as well as coral for letting me edit it.
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,987 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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