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190 active editors • 41,147 articles in English

From today's featured article 

Holmium schlock 01.png

Let's get one thing straight, my dear Wats-onium.

(Puffs cigar).

When you're talking magnetism, you're talking about me. I've got the highest magnetic moment of ANY naturally occurring element. You could call it a magnetic personality. I pull the facts right out of the air. Things are just drawn to me. Like you, and don't deny it. It's a gift, from me to you.

(Gestures to empty seat in front of desk)

In my pure, elemental form, I'm a bright, silvery character. Soft enough to be cut with a knife, IF you can get close enough. But I don't stay pristine for long.

(Coughs).

The streets of this world, this city, the damp air, they tarnish me, give me a yellowish oxide coat.

(Coughs again).

It adds character, and everyone loves character.

(Throws down cigar and picks up pipe). (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Walken click.png

In the news 

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Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Bills Mafia shitting themselves after losing the division to the Patsies due to a terrible kicker • Nanny state officials breaching people's right to privacy via enforcing social media bans and digital ID on their respective countries under the pretext of "think of the children!"

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions' and Indianapolis Colts' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix •

On this day 

"Throw Coconuts at Old People Today" is less popular with people

January 3: Throw Tomatoes at Old People Day (Spain)

  • 3 - First payday after Christmas, family breadwinners sigh and spend their money on cheap spirits.
  • 1945 - Fascist era Spain creates holiday to cull old people and handle their tomato surplus at the same time (Pictured), evolves into a family-friendly holiday of public tomato throwing.
  • 1948 - Mel Gibson is deported to Australia for abusing his freedom.
  • 1974 - The Keebler Elves go on strike, claiming the working conditions in the tree are "inhumane", and demand a union. Ernie Keebler hires several Smurfs to scab in their place.
  • 1992 - Nirvana releases "Come As You Are" as a single, amateur guitar players everywhere rejoice at having a song they can strum while playing Dungeons & Dragons.
  • 2004 - CBS declares victory in the ratings war after crushing that "gay peacock" network.

Picture of the day

Insert image title here, without link
 That's gonna leave a mark!

Image credit: Bizzeebeever
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