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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Morning is the time of day when most people, except drug addicts and alcoholics, wake up after a good night's sleep. Morning is defined by the time the sun rises over the eastern horizon, if you're in the northern hemisphere, or when it goes down over the eastern horizon if you're in the southern hemisphere. "Morning" is brighter than "night", unless you live nearer to the moon than you do to the sun. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?

...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that Jesus loves you, but that's probably not enough to get to heaven?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?

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In the news [edit]

Not my baby!

Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby (Pictured)
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Showdown in NYC between Mamdani the Commie, The Andrew Formerly Known as Governor, and a Republican cat man

Recent deaths: Trump's pet sloth • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers and kidneys

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On this day [edit]

November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)

1605 - The Parliament building fails to explode.
1854 - Anonymous inventor skinned while testing early hydraulic barber chair.
1900 - Despite widespread panic and rumors in proposition, Big Ben doesn't explode, but the Prime Minister does.
1984 - Despite the Brotherhood's efforts, Big Brother is not wounded in a suicide bombing. Let's thank him for increasing our chocolate to 20 grams!
1987 - Margaret Thatcher's imminent Silent But Deadly reaches critical mass and explodes in her intestine.
2022 - Some guy wearing a mask in London blows some shit up, rioting doesn't ensue (it's England NOT France).

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Picture of the day

Mr. T is a beacon of hope in our cold and dark world.

Image credit: RadicalX
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