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From today's featured article 

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Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
  • ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
  • ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
  • ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
  • ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
  • ... that Godot isn't coming?

In the news 

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One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Terence StampThe Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet slothJoe Burrow's toe • Robert RedfordBaltimore Ravens' morale • U.S. Federal GovernmentJane GoodallThe Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane KeatonGaza WarWindows 10

Upcoming deaths: DEIR. Kelly and Bryan KohbergerIran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBCLil Nas XDonald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

On this day 

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October 15: Opening Day of Hunting Season for Mimes (United States)

  • 1804 - The first mime turns up in France.
  • 1914 - Mime hunting season initiated to control the number of mimes.
  • 1976 - Massacres and bloodbaths occur on the streets of France. Mimes nearly go extinct. The world rejoices.
  • 2003 - PETA argues that the mime problem should be solved humanely, by imprisoning them in invisible boxes.
  • 2004 - A disgruntled mime uses a magnum to "remove" any extra mimes in the area, he is promptly arrested. Apparently the mime wasn't using a silencer.
  • 2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a mime in the face in a hunting "accident."

Picture of the day

Skin Flute
The Skin Flute, an instrument that many bohemians and crack-whores enjoy playing in their spare time, has greatly increased in popularity due to additives that can increase comfortable playing time by nearly four hours. Oftentimes, a skin flautist uses the instrument of another to play their masterpieces, for which they are either paid a substantial sum, given a follow-up performance, or neither. The practice of giving a skin flute to more than one person to play has led to the spread of many STDs - that is, skinflute transmitted diseases - and has thus also increased its cultural taboo.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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