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From today's featured article
Hello and welcome to our one hour special on the American Man, brought to you by cool, refreshing, Coors Light! In the next hour, you will learn the ins and outs of being a true man according to our sponsor, Coors Light. Silver Bullet!
Many of these qualities are (or should be) entirely obvious to any man living in America, sitting on his couch with his dumbass friends, a plate of wings on the coffee table, and a frost-brewed Coors Light in his hand to wash it all down with. However, for those wishing to study the subtle mannerisms of the species, for lesser men hoping to become less of a wimp (or straight), or for annoyed girlfriends/wives who are sick of repressing their rage for their beastly better halves, we present the following crash-course in manhood as our sponsor, ice cold Coors Light, would have us do so. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (Pictured)
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
- ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
- ...that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
In the news
- Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop
- Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch as Bills-Chiefs halftime show
- Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025)
- David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate (Pictured)
- Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game to disastrous results
- Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes
- Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card
- California's real estate market is on fire... literally.
- And in shambles.
- Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects
- South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game
- Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice
- Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos
- Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100
- Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump
- Google reveals least popular searches of 2024
- Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty
Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • College football championship game • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again
Recent deaths: TikTok • A CEO who died peacefully and surrounded by his loving family • Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright
Upcoming deaths: The Kansas City Chiefs Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer
On this day
January 21: Drink Until It Stops Hurting Day
- 30 AD - Supply Side Jesus patents cure for leprosy, sells treatment for thirteen drachmas.
- 1503 - The first handgun is designed, launches the shooter's hands towards the enemy.
- 1781 - Benedict Arnold, tired of being called "Eggs Benedict" by George Washington, defects to the British.
- 1850 - Millard Fillmore installs the White House's first bathtub.
- 1954 - Leni Riefenstahl writes, directs and stars in propaganda film, "Both Sides Were Bad, M'Kay?"
- 1991 - First ever "Yo-Mama Joke" is told. Violent bitch-slaps shortly follow.
- 2017 - Millions of feminist activists and Antifa super soldiers march in the streets, murder innocent shop windows.
Picture of the day
Cliff Williams of popular music combo AC/DC seen here practising his scales on his custom bass guitar. This bass couldn't produce any tunas, or even any tunes. Image credit: Col.swordman |
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