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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... that Uranus is a gas giant?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that Godot isn't coming?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Windows 10

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

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On this day [edit]

October 15: Opening Day of Hunting Season for Mimes (United States)

1804 - The first mime turns up in France.
1914 - Mime hunting season initiated to control the number of mimes.
1976 - Massacres and bloodbaths occur on the streets of France. Mimes nearly go extinct. The world rejoices.
2003 - PETA argues that the mime problem should be solved humanely, by imprisoning them in invisible boxes.
2004 - A disgruntled mime uses a magnum to "remove" any extra mimes in the area, he is promptly arrested. Apparently the mime wasn't using a silencer.
2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a mime in the face in a hunting "accident."

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Picture of the day

The Skin Flute, an instrument that many bohemians and crack-whores enjoy playing in their spare time, has greatly increased in popularity due to additives that can increase comfortable playing time by nearly four hours. Oftentimes, a skin flautist uses the instrument of another to play their masterpieces, for which they are either paid a substantial sum, given a follow-up performance, or neither. The practice of giving a skin flute to more than one person to play has led to the spread of many STDs - that is, skinflute transmitted diseases - and has thus also increased its cultural taboo.

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