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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

On Tuesday, September 11, 2001, a Special Unit of Osama Bin Laden's TerrorCo company (owned by Al-Qaeda); employed 19 people to supposedly fly four commercial passenger jet airliners into buildings, the Pentagon and farm land to accomplish one of the biggest life insurance scams, false-flag operations and inside jobs the world has ever seen. On that infamous day, a total of 2,997 people died – including the 19 terrorists – four planes became unusable, some skyscrapers fell like pancakes and a large swath of grass in Pennsylvania became littered with shrapnel and corpses. Worse than that, a thousand people's plane tickets suddenly became useless (there is little sign of refunds ever given) and millions of people were unable to fly. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?
... that in Spanish, "chinga tu madre" means "have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
...that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads?

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In the news [edit]

Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)

Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured)
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!!
New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing NBA Finals they would have lost anyways
Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice
Taylor Swift buys back her masters
"Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran peace talks

Recent deaths: Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly ~~Stallone~~ Stone • Brian Wilson • Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's chance at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices

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On this day [edit]

June 26: Onanism Day

1924 - American troops leave the Dominican Republic after drinking all of their rum and horchata.
1948 - In response to the Berlin Blockade, allied fighter planes drop cans of food to mock starving communists who don't have can openers.
1960 - Madagascar gains its independence from France after France discovers they still owned Madagascar.
1963 - John F. Kennedy accidentally declares his solidarity with the citizens of Berlin after trying to express his love for jelly donuts.
2000 - Pope John Paul II reveals the third secret of Fátima: "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."
2002 - The exact day and year you should have resumed masturbating after 9/11.
2015 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules masturbation to be "totally straight and not gay at all, fuck you Kevin."

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Chairman Meow

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