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From today's featured article 

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Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived."

The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

I burning your dog real.jpg
  • ... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
  • ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
  • ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
  • ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?

In the news 

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On this day 

Happiness is like a butterfly, you can't catch it so don't even bother trying.

March 18: World Happiness Day

  • 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire.
  • 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder.
  • 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass."
  • 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun.
  • 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected.
  • 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks.
  • 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found.
  • 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture.

Picture of the day

Grue Crossing
 The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter.

Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn
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