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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

White History Month, (also known as Caucasian History Month), is an annual observance for remembrance of important people and events in the history of the Caucasian diaspora. It is celebrated annually in the United States every September. Before the United States was established, Caucasians were a minority race outnumbered by Africans, Asians and even Indians; they were often negated to ghettos and inner slums in their native hometowns of Europe and the United Kingdom. The treatment of them were staggering, many of them were forced to panhandle for money because they could not find work from their black employers, many of them were also beaten up in a show of superiority from the police force of which few Caucasians were admitted. It was not until the beginning of the American revolution that the caucasians would see a massive rise in population, thus bringing them closer to their peers.

With the establishment of the United States, the Caucasians made a place for their own; however, there was a huge problem in that African masters would often venture into the United States looking for Caucasian slaves. While enslaved, they were forced to do menial labor such as harvest crops and clean up the bathrooms of said Africans and whenever said Caucasian would get out of control, they'd be whipped or much worse, killed in front of their peers. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (Pictured)

...No, you didn't! Stop lying!
...the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

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In the news [edit]

"...at least panda meat doesn't give you autism!" ‑RFK Jr.

Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence (Pictured)
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
We have road copters
Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama
Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area
UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg
Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening
UnSports update for February!
- USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally.
- Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3-peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift
- And more!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • Release of all the JFK and Epstein Files, purportedly • March Madness • Tornadoes shredding the American South • Post-apocalyptic streaming movies starring Stranger Things actors

Recent deaths: Michelle Trachtenberg • Gene Hackman, wife and dog, too • Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers • Meghan Markle's Netflix show • The Electric State • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe

Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis • Meghan Markle's remaining likeability • "Snow Woke and the Seven Pronouns" • Your March Madness bracket and bank account • Tornado Alley • Somebody from The Rugrats Movie

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On this day [edit]

March 28: Turkey—the Country, not the Bird—Day

1453 - Constantinople wants to reinvent itself, changes name to Istanbul, but honestly everyone preferred Byzantium.
1784 - Benjamin Franklin proposes that the humble turkey be the national bird of the United States, since it's got a big juicy ass.
1871 - French revolutionaries form the Paris Commune, nascent leadership quickly devolves into squabbling over the finer points of Marx's Critique of the Gotha Program before getting skewered by French troops.
1979 - A nuclear meltdown in Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania actually mutates the population of Pittsburgh closer to normal.
1990 - George W. Bush gives the late Jesse Owens the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Bush now says he has black friend.
2018 - The traitor Gülen (Pictured) sits on his remote and changes the channel seconds before the climax to his favorite soap; God is with us brothers.

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Picture of the day

During the late 1990s, the band U2 fell on hard times.

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