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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

It may come as a surprise to many people that the cult of the celebrity, seemingly a modern phenomenon, has in fact been around since the earliest days of history. Indeed, BIBLE!, a weekly magazine specialising in celebrity news and human-interest stories, was first published in what is now the Middle East on October 22nd, 4004 BCE and enjoyed several thousand years as a best-selling title until its eventual closure in the middle of the 2nd Century CE. Despite this, demand for the magazine remained high and as a result the entire print run was collated into a compendium issue which remains in print and sells many millions of copies each year. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
...that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

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In the news [edit]

Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game

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On this day [edit]

July 8: Pregnancy Appreciation Day

1300 - The Navajo invent Antbortion.
1682 - The Ovum is first viewed through a microscope.
1838 - American Evangelists begin teaching that being born again is necessary for salvation.
1973 - Backstreet abortionists are run out of business by legal abortion clinics.
1974 - Planned Parenthood is founded, preforming free abortions in exchange for money and referring friends to do the same.
1981 - The first successful hotwiring of a uterus is preformed.
1998 - AMA publishes: HowTo:Deliver a Baby, A Concise and Easy-to-follow Guide Developed, Tested, and Approved by the AMA (No, Not that AMA. The Other One) and Reprinted with the Permission of the JAMA (Also a Different One).
2008 - Sarah Palin's daughter's unborn child falls pregnant

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Picture of the day

Production photos from the next Jurassic Park film, starring Tyra Banks, have been released. Ebert has already given it 5 stars.

Image credit: Imrealized
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