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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?

...that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?
... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C.

Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated 4K Director's Cut • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • The U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams • Diane Keaton • Gaza War (THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!) • Windows 10

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Cowboys', Bengals' and Ravens' season • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career and freedom

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On this day [edit]

October 14: National Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day

1066 - William the Conqueror punches an opposing soldier in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
2009 - Someone hits an annoying person with a stick 9 times.
Future - <insert name here> is brutally hit over the head with clubs for being an Uncyclopedian.

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Picture of the day

Even the plants are weird in Japan. This particular pot plant features multiple smaller pot plants in carefully crafted pots created specifically for the occasion. Or in the words of the artist, "I got stoned and spent three days trimming my pot plant. Now I'm gonna smoke it."

Image credit: Lyrithya and some stoned guys
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