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From today's featured article 

Onward.jpg

Everyone is Hitler.

The undeniable and terrible truth of the universe. Look within yourself, Michael, you know it to be true.

But it can't possibly be true can it? Please God, this can't be true. This can't be the way the world is; please I want to have faith in humanity.

But no. There is no use pleading, no use denying. The sooner you accept the truth the sooner the real work can begin. Only a weak man denies the plain and evident truth or lets his feelings distract him from the path of destiny. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
  • ... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
  • ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?

In the news 

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"It's for the children's own good!"

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael MadsenBill Cosby's TV sonBryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBAR

Upcoming deaths: DEIPittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid GameMAGAJoe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

On this day 

August 8: For God's Sake Leave Your Damn Phone Alone For 5 Minutes Day
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  • 1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte can't get any sig on the island of St. Helena.
  • 1876 - Thomas Edison receives a patent for his mimeograph, which duplicates mimes.
  • 1940 - The German Luftwaffe begin bombarding Great Britain with international text messages carrying sky-high roaming rates.
  • 2004 - Hello? You're calling me that there's shit in the Chicago River? WHAT THE FUCK???
  • 2008 - Wait just a sec, I have a call. Hello? Yeah. Yeah. No, they're right here. I don't know, something about an anniversary. Hah, yeah, I know. And that stupid-looking hat, yeah. Oh, sorry, I gotta let you go.
  • 2025 - Shit, sorry, this is the last call, I promise. Hey. It's on the table. It's on the table. On the table. The table. On the - it's on the FUCKING TABLE! THE TABLE! ON THE TABLE!

Picture of the day

Disney Vangogh
Not only is it a small world, it also always was a small world. Apparently.

Image credit: SimulacrumCaputosis
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,476 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.