HowTo:Get away with littering

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Are you fat? So fat that you eat tons of food every second? Are you so fat that you can't walk 7ft to a trash can? Then this guide is for you![ask your parents]

This guide may not be for you if:

  1. You answered every question with yes.[1]
  2. You are a site admin and can not bare to view the rubbish bellow[2]
  3. You are a hippy and plan to spam the discussion box with "littering's wrong. . . man"[3]

Enough babble. Time to read (gulp) the *cough* guide.

It's not littering if nobody can see it and see you doing it.[edit]

No one has seen it so it's not there LALALALALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Descartes was a great, alright, bearable, slightly smelly idiot when he said:


Basically, If I was to place a plastic chip packet in a tree trunk in a deserted forest, did I ever do it? Of course I did, but no one is there to complain about it. Problem solved.

But if a hippy saw me doing it, they would likely hold a "Littering Kills Puppies" sign and follow me around for a few days until his/her drugs wear off.

If you are followed by a UBERPSCOANTILITTERHIPPY, you can loose him/her by distracting him/her. While they are following you, walk past a crack house or something. They will then go and yell at someone else and leave you behind.

It's not littering if it's a weird place.[edit]

It's not litter. It's modern art.

If I was to place a banana skin in a birds nest that's on fire in the middle of Australia or on top of a dancing watermelon it would be accepted. Basically because anyone walking past will look at it as some excuse for modern art, stare at it for a while and make approving noises like "hmmm, i see" if you're lucky they may even contact the local art gallery. They may give your litter a special exhibition and get art annalisist to argue about whether the black markings on the banana peel represent your hate at melons.

It's not littering if you put it in somebody's clothes without them knowing.[edit]

Many people get this wrong as if you are trying to stick a cucumber down your best friend's pants. He will probably notice and hit you over the head with it. If he doesn't notice when you do this or makes "oh yeah" approving grunts, he is probably Gay. To avoid him noticing, just place it in his pocket or man bag.

It's not littering if you're Chuck Norris.[edit]

Chuck Norris Approves

Chuck Norris doesn't drop litter. The earth moves to accept his rubbish.

If you are dressed up as a celebrity it's not littering.[edit]

If you are dressed up as someone like Elvis or that Russian Porn Star, not someone like Tom Cruise, everyone knows crazy people will not accuse you. Rather they will see it as a fashion statement and try to copy you. you can also use this in conjunction with tip 3. Plant litter on unsuspecting fans. If you are charie sheen, throw a few used coke bags down the bra of your prostetute. If you are britney spears, dump your youngest baby in the shopping bag of your agent (who will no doubt be poor and begging you for five cents to spend on vodka). The possibilities are endless.


Footnotes[edit]

  1. The random page is to your right. no my right. yes over there. you don't see it? it's underneath the recent changes link.
  2. Perhaps this guide may help you if you plan on throwing this page into the bin but answered yes to the first questions.
  3. Go smoke a bong. That will shut you up.