Babble

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Babble is a collective term for several similar language groups, and should not be confused with languages that were invented at the Tower of Babel. Unlike other language groups, Babble exists to prevent meaningful communication. A fluent speaker of Babble is able to express absolutely nothing, no matter how much is actually spoken. The working theory behind Babble languages is that other people's thoughts and ideas are inherently stupid and boring, and therefore language should serve to prevent the communication of all thoughts and ideas.

History

Babble languages have been around for a very long time, possibly since the origins of humanity. Humans learned early on that they liked the sound of their own voices very much, and the evolution of such a complex vocal apparatus had to be used for something, but at the same time the ability to think about things other than basic animal thoughts (eating, sleeping, reproducing, and watching television) made listening to other humans a real chore. Babbling was invented to fulfill the desire to make noises at other people, while politely avoiding the exertion of comprehending another's thoughts. In America, the Americans have successfully made an entire sub-language of English completely of babble.

Ultimately, babbling was unable to keep people from sharing new ideas with each other, which led to cooperation and lying. Some experts claim that regular language has been terrible for education, since children now learn things indirectly rather than experiencing the dangers of rabid animals themselves (see main article: Education).

Babble vs. Nonsense

Nonsense is often confused with Babble but there are fundamental differences between them. Babble languages obscure meaning, while nonsense means nothing at all. To suggest that the two are functionally identical is total nonsense. Although, to the untrained eye, they both look alike, to those far more important people trained in Babble it is no more difficult than writing your name to identify that to call the two functionally identical would be nonsense. Babble would look far more like, "Calling babble and nonsense functionally identical would be like watching when goats fight for the right to mate. It has always astounded me how their necks remain intact as anyone who has ever known a goat will know how small and thin their necks are. While their thin necks have proved essential to the exponential growth of mankind ('coz it was, just accept it) a survey conducted by the Royal society for the prevention of unnecessary injury to wild farming animals such as goats, sheep, cattle or pigs (the RSPUIWFAGSCP) found that 119% of the goats currently at a suitably mature point in their lives to be considering children can't conceive due to their paralemia (the technical term of paralasis in goats) as a direct result of broken necks which is caused as a direct result of their weak necks, which are a directs result of their poor and unvaried gene pool from millennia ago, back when the trolls used to try and stop them crossing rivers." Unfortunately the statement wasn't phrased as such thus one could assume that babble and nonsense are, contrary to the above statement not in fact functionally identical and to say so would not be babble, but nonsense.

Babble languages

Since people can never seem to agree on anything, various babbling dialects were invented at undetermined points throughout history. In modern times, the variety of Babble languages is so great that there is virtually no chance of anyone using them for meaningful communication ever.

Gibberish

One of the most popular Babble languages, Gibberish is considered the lingua franca of babblers everywhere. Gibbering uses randomized phonemes and word-like constructs, making it a very neat, tidy, and perfectly unintelligible language.

Example:

Bvorki grammmiloe gnsejivm oytlabn rektorphulsnog joiqwy.

The above passage means "My friend would like to borrow a toilet brush," but it would be utterly impossible to determine that by any means.

Inane

Completely different from insane, Inane uses actual words in grammatically correct sequences, but which mean nothing in context.

Example:

Really metallic explosions undermine trousers using grits.

This means "I believe the tax code needs to be revised," but fortunately that thought remains in the speaker's head and spares everyone from thinking about taxes.

Balderdash

An under-appreciated but surprisingly elegant form of babbling, Balderdash speakers intersperse real language with constructed non-words, to create the semblance of grammar.

Example:

To foyimate a rizig hankintorp is no better than ulferizing somebody's wendledips.

This passage means "Find a stonemason, and quickly!" Balderdash teases the listener with the prospect of meaning, but ultimately reveals nothing.

Rolling your head on the keyboard

Although some experts consider it cheating, rolling your head on the keyboard is an effective, if unsophisticated, method of typing a babbling document.

Example:

juu kjhnk, yvbnm,./ m,jza mnhrtvgb

This passage means "I found a sponge on the sidewalk," but no one could ever hope to glean that from the text.

Partially Illiterate

A rather bastardized form of babbling, Partial Illiteracy is usually created by accident and rarely does a satisfactory job of obscuring the speaker's meaning. Partial Illiteracy is typically only found as written text.

Example:

hay where due aye findd an-uther pear uv shoos lol
sry eye dont hav a spel-cheker rotflmao

Nobody gives a shit what this passage means, because its author is obviously a total dumbass. Thus, the meaning is obscured, and it is classified as Babble.