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From today's featured article 

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Terraforming is the hypothetical process by which a planetary body's properties are modified to allow for the building of Costco Wholesale retail stores there. The process was first proposed by astronomer Carl Sagan, who wanted to build a Costco on Venus, as his local Costco was far too crowded, especially on the weekends, making it unsafe to drive in the parking lot. It's generally agreed that humanity has neither the technology nor the societal will to sustain such a gargantuanly expensive venture. Still, this hasn't stopped engineers and scientists from speculating how best to build a Costco on other planets. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
  • ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
  • ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
  • ...that this sentence is incomple
  • ... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ... that Africa's space program, AIDS, has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?

In the news 

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Great mealy-mouthed meatballs!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and DeltaruneEurovisionRussian InvasionIsrael-Palestine conflictDOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft MovieTrump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good BurgerGeorge Foreman23andMeBruce GloverRichard ChamberlainRoger Daltrey's eyes and earsVal KilmerYoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401KJay NorthColumbus Blue Jackets' playoff bid

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi MangioneKate MiddletonLaura PalmerDEIGawr GuraGoogle's ad monopoly

On this day 

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April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day

Picture of the day

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Trump in peach, after getting in peached.

Image credit: User:DoctorJones
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 39,637 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.