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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

The velociraptor is a pickup-truck-sized bipedal carnivore with an extended stiffened tail, distinguished from other dromaeosaurids by its long, low skull and upturned snout. It bears a sickle-shaped claw, typical of dromaeosaurid and troodontid dinosaurs, measuring up to 67 millimeters (2.6 inches) around its outer edge.

Velociraptors are commonly found on tropical islands turned millionaire amusement parks but, due to global warming and some unexpected disasters on said island, they are now being seen all over the world. Velociraptors are known for their highly coordinated packs and unusual intelligence, as evidenced by their nearly successful attempts to destroy humanity (Y2K and 2012) and the fact that they can open doors seemingly effortlessly. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in Washington

Recent deaths: Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' morale • The US Government's money • Jane Goodall • The Yankees' World Series dreams

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys', Cincinnati Bengals' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol • Mark Sanchez's career and freedom

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On this day [edit]

October 9: Weasel Day

1754 - It is alleged by some that on this day, Weasel words probably were invented.
1862 - The Cheasel is invented.
1937 - The Spleen weasel is discovered in Paris.
1961 - Ferret racing is invented in Australia.
1964 - Jeff Bezos is born.
2007 - A woman gives birth to a weasel.

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Picture of the day

"And yea, God did provide Happy Meals unto them, for they were the hungry 5000. And blessed were the free toys...And on the third day the burgers and fries were reheated and served again...and he saw that it was good. [McCheese 15:24]"

Image credit: Mhaille
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