EgaP niaM
From today's featured article
Rob Gronkowski, also known as "Gronky Kong", is tall guy who once play American football, now is tall funny guy make appearance on TV. Gronk have play as tight end, no make into wide receiver. Gronk have perverted sense of humor, you see. Hahaha, 69!
Gronk have play for team with Tom Brady, namely New England Patriots and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, play so hard against hometown team Buffalo Bills due to Bills dinosaur owner no pick Gronk. Gronk mad.
Gronk is crazy party animal, like party so much he use beer keg for wash bodyyyyyy. Gronk say no eat TIE PODS, but sometimes he no resist, due to TIE PODS is colorful like candyyyyy. TIDE POD yucky though, Gronk just eat to look cool.
Despite Gronk now hated in hometown of Buffalo, New York due to angry GRONK SMASH on Tre White, he still more likeable by light years than dummy ex-teammate Aaron Hernandez, who was angry gangster go kill people. Gronk one of few people who no get CTE from play football, but BORN with CTE, along with Cam Skattebo. Therefore being born with CTE, Gronk always nuts, but awesome. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that former Australian prime minister John Howard once spent over 48 hours in session with his cabinet? (Pictured)
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
- ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
- ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
In the news
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured)
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
- Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK
- Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago
- Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs
- UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches!
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • Some big shot musical award
Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window
On this day
- 1461 - The War of the Roses: no one outside of some damp island has any idea what happened during the war, I don't know, poppies started eating people?
- 1652 - New Amsterdam (later renamed to New York City) is settled, declared the "Greatest City in the World" by people with low expectations.
- 1848 - The Mexican-American War ends in the treaty of "Gimme Half Your Shit", in which America gladly welcomes all the land Mexico was kind enough to lend.
- 1850 - Brigham Young slaughters hundreds of Native Americans, is cursed in the afterlife to live in the, uhh, terrestrial kingdom? Seriously?
- 1922 - James Joyce writes random scribbles and publishes it, scholars are still confounded after decades of study.
- 1943 - The Battle of Stalingrad ends after all the Nazis just froze to death, General Winter, just don't think about it, O Beautiful for Spacious Skies...
Picture of the day
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Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice. Image credit: Mhaille |
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