YouTube
 What YouTube thinks of itself | |
| Founded | February 14, 2005 |
|---|---|
| Headquarters | California |
| Founder(s) | Three college kids who wanted to see Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction (no, seriously) |
| Key people | |
| Industry | Video porn, unfunny satire |
| Products | T-shirts made by unfunny hacks |
“It’s OurTube now!”
YouTube, LLC is a video-sharing website that allows users to Broadcast Yourself™. It features a variety of content, including Rick Rolls, video game videos, hacking tutorials, anime remixes of music videos, cover songs, ADHD-suffering online personalities, emo kid bloggers, and bizarre parodies; all produced by a vast quantity of losers users.
Despite the low quality of the average old YouTube video, YouTube was well-known by critics of cinema for being home to some of the best cinematic creations ever, such as pirated clips from movies and documentaries that were banned from television. Indeed, the Internet used to be a tightly-knit community of geeks and nerds, but is a now an unpleasant cesspool of social networking toxins, video porn, shit and corrupt webmasters.
The average user should be warned that there are Admins on YouTube who try to tell users to shut off all anti-ad programming so that phishers and scammers can get into their accounts to steal money, personal ID and dump flying monkey porn on unsuspecting users.
Content
During its early days, most of YouTube's content was ridiculous, yet oddly charming. [1] . This included Double Rainbow, Rick Rolls, Tentacle Porn AMVs, homemade Jackass videos with "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" playing in the background, Makeup tips from Rolanda, Leeroy Jenkins, or Angry German Kid rants. While these videos appealed strongly to the nerd community, it usually turned off normies.
Sadly, that kind of content has been long gone now. Nowadays, YouTube has a more corporate look that has sucked all of the charm it once had.[2] Besides, most of the content has been shit such as Minecraft Let's Plays where the thumbnail is the LPer making a funny face against a solid color background, PewDiePie, Buzzfeed, OMG RANDOM videos, "[Insert Number of] Facts That'll Blow Your Mind", songs by the newest VEVO pop artists, and meme-filled lessons on quantum physics through video blogs.
History
Early years
YouTube was founded in 2005 by three college kids with not much else to do. Google bought YouTube in 2006, and left it alone at first. However, beginning in 2009, they slowly began stripping away the site's crude-yet-endearing charm. As of 2015 2018, it is now nothing but commercialized, unfunny, LOLRANDOMXD shit posted by the likes of TheFineBros, Buzzfeed, and Pootie Tang.
The first video posted on YouTube that wasn't a clip from Family Guy or of someone's pathetic dancing was Birth of a Nation, which was posted on November 30, 2005. This clip featured innovations such as deep focus, the jump-cut, and facial close-ups, all of which had previously been lacking from YouTube's original creations. On the other hand, this clip was criticized for being horribly racist, although many critics note that this was the prevailing attitude of the times. This was hugely influential on subsequent videos for its technical innovations, if not for its racism. (Although it did foreshadow the Censored Eleven and Michael Richards's[3] rant.) Meanwhile, dozens of people were joining the YouTube.com online extravaganza. These users quickly got to work mimicking others and proving that they had absolutely no life.
De-evolution
Despite this sudden surge of activity, YouTube began to slowly slip into unexpected bankruptcy. This was made even worse when Viacom, a premier douchebag company, attempted to sue YouTube for one billion dollars (presumably because of the crappiness of its videos). Upon discovering that YouTube was at its weakest, Google decided to buy the company for 900 euros ($1.65 billion). By merging YouTube and Google Video™ the damages caused by copyright violation were expected to double. YouTube under its new rule decided to attempt to stamp out copyright, a feat achieved by no one, in the context of YouTube. Despite its video deletion rate of seven videos per second, an astonishing 99.93% of the (roughly) trillion videos on YouTube remain unwatched, as 99.93% of those are just out-of-sync copies of rips of copies of rips. A vast majority of users choose only to watch fat kids lip synch to Eastern European pop songs. Pokemon movies are also very popular, especially self proclaimed "crappy" fan-made ones.
Design
YouTube, as any website, sees its design as a crucial point. The original design, based on 1930s Nazi propaganda, had the video located squarely in the middle of the page, with a useful bar underneath to show when it would end. The YouTube logo, also fashioned after the Nazis, was in the top-left corner, and the description of the video, as well as links to related videos, were on the right side, the side usually used as advertising space on other sites and hence the most comprehensive choice. Underneath the video was the dreaded "fire pit", as administrators called it, a section devoted entirely to listing disturbing comments supposed to but not usually about the video. Although this feature as a whole has been hated by many, the idea of keeping it tucked under the realms of visibility has been applauded.
On March 31, 2010, YouTube forced a redesign on its users. The site's designers said it was to reduce page clutter and make the site easier to use. This was achieved by removing the original star rating system, removing profile pictures from the video page and re-encoding all videos to a new glossy grayscale format "reminiscent of better times". Several users soon noticed that, somehow, some of these changes did not make use easier. But they since have noticed that many of the changes saved money that would otherwise be spent on bandwidth, shortly before being assassinated by Google officials. This, combined with the sheer number of ads that have been appearing, leads many to suspect that the people running YouTube are just a bunch of cheapskate hacks. Despite massive protesting (and the obvious solution of getting a PayPal account to pay money for bandwidth), YouTube has been adamant in keeping the new design.
Termination
It has made the news circuit that, due to a series of gross malfunctions – including one in which it works for only a few seconds and then buffers indefinitely – which caused it to cease to exist when its servers shorted out after mice and insects got into them.
New information provided by more whistleblowers claims that a conspiracy is going on in which YouTube is forcing users to turn off any and all ad blockers – AdTube has a shitload of ads and no other content such as music videos – and YouTube Premium is only a sham. See Unnews:YouTube is dead for more on these sickening developments.
Recently whistleblowers reported that, since all they get is complaints for their shitty services, YouTube will be renamed FuckYouTube. This is to reflect YouTube's new attitude towards people who believe that things like YouTube should actually work.
See also
Notes
- ↑ R.I.P.
- ↑ Thanks, Google...
- ↑ RICH erd sizz