UnNews:YouTube is dead

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Friday, May 3rd, 2024

One of the YouTube Admins at work, creating more food at the YouTube Office Party. This is also one of the cockroaches that had mutated when it got near one of the underloaded servers.

It has been proven that YouTube is officially DEAD.

Over time, various malfunctions have gutted the YouTube website. The site used to function for at least four to ten seconds at a time; now it just buffers. When the Admins were contacted about that, they acted like the complainants were all full of shit, even though clearly the website has actually died. People on Reddit and other places say the website does nothing but buffer – or nothing at all.

An investigation has turned up a whistle blower who says the Admins and others throw food and feces all over the place, which allows mice and roaches and aunts into the place and that they started munching on $100,000,000,000 worth of hardware, while those sickening Admins and others, who are really crazy climate change nuts allowed this to happen.

The Funeral for YouTube will be broadcasted on the all media outlets.

A mouse that was caught on camera infiltrating YouTube looking for food and shit, also looking for some wires to chew on
This thing also got caught looking for food, shit, and anything else it can chew all to hell. It has been discovered to mutate into things that look like Kittens. When huffed, they can poison other Admins.
Some of the YouTube Admins. Some are humanoid, and some are mice and cockroach mutants, which may turn into Kittens. One is telling a complainant that he's full of shit. He's also trying to get some sex on the side as well with those other two admins.
Chuck Norris, getting ready to pay YouTube a "friendly visit". He may bring some Mountain Dew with him.
A cockroach mutated into a Poison Kitten. Do NOT huff kittens until you get them checked out. If not and you huff one and you are a Admin, you may get poisoned.
Dilbert was hired as a YouTube Admin dressed up as a 👽, hoping that a 🛸 comes by and beams him out of this clusterfuck.

Special News[edit | edit source]

More Whistle blowers from both YouTube and Reddit have now claimed that YouTube is intentionally preventing people from watching anything on this format until they turn off all anti-Ad programming so that they have to put up with their bullshit ads, scams and the like or pay up front a shitload of money for the same shitty service. Those YouTube Admins are also reported to still throw food, shit, piss all over the place, thus still attracting more vermin.

The possibility exists that the Federal Communications Commission can and would send Chuck Norris to YouTube to kick some Real Ass in order to straighten out the bullshit going on there. The next earthquake that would be felt in California will be Chuck Norris kicking the literal shit out of YouTube.

There are unconfirmed reports that YouTube may change its name to either Ad tube, even to Fuck YouTube.

Recently, YouTube allows only Ads to run without a problem, so suspicions may be confirmed that YouTube will in fact be known as AdTube, in which only Ads will be run while all videos will be used as Clickbait to lure viewers to click on an item of interest, only to watch only Ads, and if the viewers bitch about it, they can call 1-800-Eat-Shit or 1-800-Fuck-You. They will be also known as Fuck YouTube, which will discourage people who complain about the Bait & Switch (The video you want to watch is the bait, when you click on it, the switch pulled on you is the Ads you will be forced to watch, then when the Ads finished playing, the whole thing will display a rotating circle, then later display the same rotating circle on a black background forever, as the YouTube system crashes and all manner of mice, bugs come running out of the mess) YouTube system.

Another possibility exists, according to some whistleblowers, that the reason YouTube wants all anti-Ad defenses removed is to make it easier for hackers and scammers to get the personal information of those who use YouTube for nefarious means, like Identity Theft, monetary fraud, fraud, robbery, dumping fairy porn, child porn, troll porn, dragon porn, worse on users' E-mail accounts. When the YouTube bosses were asked about these allegations, they gave two phone numbers to their Tech support system and to the Head Office, which are 1-800-EAT-SHIT and 1-800-FUCK-YOU, and two alternates if busy (or not busy) which are 1-888-YOU-BITCH, and 1-900-ASS-HOLE.

Recently, real recently, there are reports all over the place that YouTube, aka Fuck YouTube is now actively in collaboration with all manner of scammers, incl. phishing sites, Internet scare the hell out of you sites, aka, "Your Computer Hass Pickled uPp A ViRus and it WilL DeStroY YoUr DeviCe In 20 MinuTes!", so you download this shit, and you will really pick up something that will fuck up your computer, like Joe Biden's Up Your Butt economic plans which require you to turn over your bank account to environMENTALists, ass wipers and US Democrats and leftists allies who cannot get a shit job, much less a decent job at all.

It may also be reported that, in the US, the Federal Trade Commission, the Federal Communications Commission, and even the Federal Beaureau of Investigation,the Central (non)Intelligence Agency, the DEA, BATF, certain other "alphabet agencies" may go after Fuck YouTube, mainly to see if they give really great head, to see if they really suck more ass than the US Democrats.

Meltdown at Fuck YouTube[edit | edit source]

Recently the YouTube servers experienced a major meltdown and fire as a CME from the Sun has started to hit Earth 🌎 🌏 🌍. Some have stated that this incident, along with certain other incidents, may create the Zombie Apocalypse as Solar originated nuclear ☢️ radiation increases all over the place, further mutating all manner of life 🧬 into who knows what the fuck else. The fire turned into a 20,000-alarm 🚨 incident. Even the National Guard had to be called out as some of the YouTube Admins turned zombies proceeded to suck ass and act really stupid 😜🤪💩💩💩💩 as these Admins are doing. It is possible that these Admins got hold of some Poisonous Kittens and huffed them, even got into Wikipedia's stash of mice and cockroaches and huffed them as well.

Updates on What is left of YouTube[edit | edit source]

  • As of 5-27-2024, a autopsy revealed that YouTube has a history of corruption of data so bad that most EXPERT ITs have opened a portal to Hell, only to have YouTube thrown back out, and shut and permanently LOCKED the portal to Hell in YouTube's last known location, which was in California, but who could tell the difference between Hell and California.
  • There are reports that YouTube is trying to function, but those reports are only wishful thinking by people who try to watch videos and comment, only to find out the hard way that all the remains do is BUFFER, BUFFER, BUFFER, BUFFER, BUFFER AS ants, roaches are eating the remains, and the Admins of YouTube keep cumming on the smoking remains.
  • Recently, the YouTube Admins tried to get a job at Wikipedia, only to be turned down by Jimbo Wales, who said that they already have more than enough Asshats there already who ❤️ to insult their users until they leave Wikipedia to look for a better place to go.
  • It is believed that the expected funeral of YouTube will be televised as it's remains will be ejected into the Sun, or into a nearby gravitational vortex (a black hole, like the one located on Jimbo Wales or Nancy Pelosi at the end of their furry asses) so that this mistake will not be repeated anytime soon.
  • TikTok was slated to take over for YouTube, but the US will throw out TikTok as being Chinese spyware soon, only to find out that this is not Chinese at all. This was created in a town in Colorado called South Park by a Mr. Hanky, a US Democrat who loves to huff kittens, mice and cockroaches, along with a piece of clothing called Towelie, a drug addicted piece of shit that came out of Bill Clinton while he was there looking for some weed.
  • When the YouTube funeral is finally televised, it has been speculated that, until the remains are rocketed into outer space, possibly landing on Zeta Reticuli, the Grey Alien Homeworld, since Hell didn't want the trash, so they figure that a race of aliens who like to stick things up people's asses, they can they can try that with the YouTube remains, so that anything still living could walk real funny, like them after Chuck Norris had done to them long ago. He was the one who made the aliens walk real funny after they tried to anal probe him. The funeral director is in negotiations with CNN, C-Span, certain other networks, NPR, FOX News, PBS, other networks to televise and also have it on the radio networks as well. Some celebrities who may make a appearance may include Whoopi Goldberg, Chuck Norris, Larry The Cable Guy, Jeff Dunham and his puppet people, Pat Robertson, Rosanne Barr, Jeff Fox Worthy, Mr. T, The entire WWE Roster, MY Ass, Your Ass, The Democrats Buttfuckers, Donald Trump's BIG FAT ASS, Senile Joe Biden. The known holding area may be at Area-51 or NORAD.
  • A recent autopsy has found out why YouTube has died. The causes of death are many, but the majority of C.O.D. is that the social media site was infected and parasitized by Ads worms and Ads viruses that are carried by mice and cockroaches. Every time any video is played, these parasites appear and literally consume any and all bandwidth and other resources needed to run the YouTube videos. The CDC has now got involved, meaning that Fouchi, the guy who handled the Covid-19 outbreak, has said that these viruses and parasites pose a extreme hazard to humanity, via the fact that they need bandwidth and other things, such as brain cells to survive. MIT techs say the Ads worms and Ads viruses could infect other social media sites and their users. This means that sites like Meta, aka Facebook, Twitter, Donald Trump's website could, if they take Ads, which are parasite eggs, could be infected and infect BILLIONS of users. The parasites run normally on YouTube, but Everytime this happens,more Ads hatch and this kills any and all videos by causing them to BUFFER forever, and infect new users. This could be the start of another pandemic.

Sources[edit | edit source]

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=UnNews:YouTube_is_dead&oldid=6330871"