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Welcome to UnNews
Now in Technicolor!
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Monday, December 15, 2025, 08:53 (UTC)
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  Walking MAGA meme Elon Musk is urging people to cancel Netflix due to a long-canceled cartoon literally nobody has ever heard of and UnNews can't be bothered to look up. [Dead End: Paranormal Park, you lazy fuck! - Ed.]
Musk posted on X: "Cancel Netflix for the health of your kids. Say no to the transgender woke agenda! Besides, there will be nothing worth watching on Netflix within the next three months. Nobody wants to see yet another Frankenstein. Guillermo del Toro peaked with Pacific Rim. And Nightmare Alley was so bad he should've been deported! Like I said, nothing worth watching on Netflix within the next three months. Mark my words!"
  TALLAHASSEE, Florida — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has signed sweeping new legislation intended to help seniors facing financial burdens: a new Florida law will now allow state residents aged 60 and up to hunt, dispatch and extract the skin and organs of young people under the age of 35. Seniors can choose to consume the collagen from the freshly pallid skin of slain zoomers, or harvest and sell their organs for a tidy profit.
"Florida seniors have suffered the burden of property taxes, liver spots, uncomfortable dialysis chairs, not to mention the increasing price of sunscreen!" DeSantis stated in a press conference inside the Florida State Capitol building, "By allowing our most respected elders to humanely kill and process the bodies of young people—which I don't need to remind you contains thousands of dollars in organs, essential oils and collagen—we can help alleviate the burden on the generation which has done the most to build this state, and this nation as a whole."
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 Your horoscope for today: Having "ants in your pants" is supposed to mean you are restless, but you find the reality of having ants in your pants lends itself much more to screaming hysterically, stamping, scrubbing, showering and crying.
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About UnNews
 UnNews is a project of the Uncyclomedia Foundation. It spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. |
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