UnNews:Doof finally takes over Tri-State Area; World in shock
Wednesday, May 5th, 2025
DANVILLE, PA – Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz of Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., has finally managed to take over the Tri-State Area of New York, New Jersey[1], and Pennsylvania. After many years of trying and failing, he has finally managed to do it without that meddling platypus getting in his way.
“This is truly a landmark achievement,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said in an interview with our UnNews correspondant, “and this is only the beginning. Soon, I’ll take over the surrounding areas: Delaware, Virginia, Connecticut, and Ohio!!”
Our FBI correspondent has tipped us off that he is on several watchlists both here in the US and in the EU: He was solely responsible for the devaluement of the euro on the day Drusselstein joined (1 April 2012). He is legally prohibited from entering all european nations except Drusselstein, the UK, and Russia.
Doofenshmirtz said that his takeover was really “quite simple”. He said that “all of these super specific ‘inators’ didn’t get it done, so [he] needed to create something really simple: The Take-over-the-Tri-State-Area-inator.” He used the device to successfully take over the area at the press of a button. "I did something smart this time" he said, "I put the self-destruct button on the inside of the inator, where nobody can get to it!"
“I’ve never felt happier in my life,” Doof continued, “But I know that I haven’t peaked yet. I have to take over... all of America!! So, I am using this as an outlet to announce my candidacy for president,” Doof announced. He is currently favored in the 2028 polls by 90%. He was born in Drusselstein, however, his parents both possesed dual citizenship and registered his birth at the embassy as an American Birth Abroad, qualifying him to run for president of the United States. If elected, Doof will be the first president born in a foreign nation.
Ethics watchdog groups are scratching their heads over this announcement. When queried about his complex array of conflicts of interest, they howled with sardonic laughter. They then proceeded to bark at our correspondent until he let them into the yard.
- ↑ Albeit, it is easy to take over a state that doesn't exist.