“He can kiss my furry blue ass”
“Beware of Sr. Tentacles !”
Sr. Tentacles is one of the evil enemies of Spider-Man (AKA Peter Parkinson). His real name is Mauricio Antonio Reigosa del Campo Valdés Octavius, but all his friends call him Marotto. He was born in Pulpito, a little town of Mexico, very known for being the headquarters of the greatest group of Mexican superheroes, Los Vengadores de Zapata (Zapata's Avengers).
Marotto's life wasn't easy. His father was a dumb horse whisperer, and his mother... well, nobody knows who is his mother. When he was eleven, a scorpion bit him in a toe. He didn't gain amazing powers, but learned that scorpions were awful creatures. At the age of twenty three Sr. Tentacles joined the professional wrestling circuit under the stage name "Twat Arms", where he was routinely slapped around by the Ultimate Warrior for three months. This was seen as a success, as Sr. Tentacles didn't lose an eye or a limb, and made enough money to buy his mother a toaster.
Sr. Testicles possesses a few skills, but nothing really interesting. However, he has twelve mechanical arms connected to his body. Nobody knows why, but he thinks that it is cool. He can, however, use his big toes as magnets, which he has often used for picking pennies out of sewers and entertaining friends and family. He is also constantly surrounded by his followers, lover, siblings and friends. Theyre names are Antonio, Pablo, Pedro, Angelina, Isabella, Carlito, Manuel... oh and the most important, his loyal servant Jon.
Sr. Tentacles didn't have a huge number of fights, due to the fact that he often spent 22 hours a day cleaning cars for his uncle. However, a few notable knockarounds are:
Vs. Margaret Thatcher
The Iron Lady wasn't too impressed with the way Sr. Tentacles robotic arms kept trying to tweak her nipples. This led to Sr. Tentacles being given a job as a miner in the U.K., only for Maggie to close it down. While wondering how to get back to Mexico, Thatcher stabbed him in the cheek with a fork, and then handed him a plane ticket home. Known for the first use of the words Zoinks and Crashazzle in a comic book, this was Sr. Tentacles first of many losses.
Vs. Kool Aid Guy
After one too many sherries at the Old Gentlemens Senorita Club, Sr. Tentacles found himself urinating into what he believed to be a large red public toilet. Unknown to Sr. Tentacles was that he wa sin fact urinating in Kool-Aid Guy. This didn't go down well with Mr. Aid, who proceeded to beat Sr. Tentacles to within an inch of his life with an umbrella. Wild Abra appeared! The line "Ay, Ay, Ay! I think the guys toilet, wacka wacka wacka, iz no my fault holmes!" almost won the comic a Golden Spiderman Pube Award, narrowly missing out to "You speccy schmultz, I said Egypt not Lebanon!" from Harry Potter 19: The Curse of Afghanistan.
Sr. Tentacles first victory. Thor had heard of Sr. Tentacles pitiful defeats and decided to take Sr. Tentacles' favorite lady to celebrate the fact that he was so much more macho. Sadly for Thor, Sr. Tentacles had eaten his special "Super Taco", made by Super Mario and Super Jesus. This gave him the temporary ability to smite foes using the power of dance. Three salsas and a tango later, and Thor's pulsating abdomen was lying 6 miles away from Thor's profusely bleeding face. Despite this victory, the whole episode was a dismal failure, selling only three and a half copies, and signaling the end for Sr. Tentacles "Super Taco Dance".
|The heroes, villains, and other people of Marvel Comics, from the creators of Stan Lee's Stripperella, and other Marvel classics as compiled by Uncyclopedia!|
|Superheroes and heroines||Captain Planet - The Amazing Fiber-Man - Spider-Woman - Mary Jane - The Incredible Hunk - The Scarlet Spider - Daredevil - Dr. Strange - The Punisher - Ghost Rider - Iron Man - Deadpool - Igloo - The other Captain Marvel - Stan Lee|
|Supervillains||Blackheart - Dr. Doom - Electro - Galactus - Green Goblin - Juggernaut - Mecha-Dracula - Rob Liefeld - Batroc - Kool-Aid Man - Loki - The Hobgoblin - Fred Phelps - Blackout the Vampire - Venom - Dr. Octopus - Spider-Man's Rogue's Gallery - The Creature|
|X-Men||Professor X - Apocyclopse - Gene Grey - Beast - Wolverine - Bishop - Cable the Larry Guy - Northstar|
|Salacious Six||Sr. Tentacles - Sabertooth|
|Other teams||The Inhumans - The Revengers - The Fantastic Four|