Gab (Social Media)
Gab (AKA Crab) is a Social Media site founded by Andrew "Pro-life costs 9 thousand dollars normally!" Torba.
The site was supposedly made to support Free Speech, but you have a higher chance of curing cancer blindfolded while standing on one of those circus balls than finding a liberal on the site.
It has a thermonuclear amount of ads on it, presumerably bought by people who threw their morals off of the Eiffel Tower.
The types of groups on the site[edit | edit source]
Meme Groups
These groups are dedicated to what Gab users consider to count as humor.
For the most part, it is pro-Trump memes that your grandma/pa would share on FB.
The other types of memes are blatant Nazi propaganda and christian memes (which is kinda funny because...well...Jesus was a Jew!).
The amount of groups that are meme-based could relate that Torba used to be a stand up comedian for Laugh Factory.
Unfortunately, he seems to have gotten his comedy from the local KKK Grand Omega Wizard, so he instantly got booted after telling the 68 joke.
Trump Groups
Trump groups are groups dedicated to supporting/worshiping Trump.
There is a lot of content about Q-Q For QQ Puffs content in these groups.
There is also a suspicious amount of people posting in these groups complaining/whining about Trump being owned by (((ZIJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS))) even though he literally once owned a copy of Hitler's speeches!
I guess wisdom is not common here.
Conspiracy Groups
These groups were made to spread conspiracy theories like Ebola-la-la-la-la in Africa.
Most of them are either links to 1 hour long ramblings, or a image with multiple colors that reminds the average person of a Geocities site.
These are the 2nd most popular type of group, behind the Trump Groups.
The type of theory varies, from magical clouds releasing air that poisons you or blaming anything that ever happens in their life that is not positive to them on JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS.
Guess which one is more popular...
Animal Groups
These are the only normal groups on Gab.
That is because you probably can't find political stuff in a cat/dog messing around.
This stuff could instead be posted to FB, but the users would rather fall off of a ledge as high as the moon instead of returning to FB.
The animal groups may cause world peace if enough of them become more popular than the extreme groups.
How did it end up like this?[edit | edit source]
No filters on anything.
This is because Torba wanted to post a Manifesto.
The place that he was going to shoot up was an pet shop in his area.
The reason is that the shop had NO frogs in it, and he hates any pet shop that doesn't have frogs.
Thankfully, the shooting failed since Torba drank approx. 5 cans of Bud Light and vomited all over the place.
He passed out, the employee saw the gun, and he got 3 years in prison + parole.
He got freed after a month because of someone paying his bail.
What will the last 5 posts on Gab be?[edit | edit source]
After consulting a time traveler, he told me that these will be the last 5 posts on Gab.
Warning: Some of these posts have memetic hazards caused by an alien takeover of the site in 2201. They have been censored for your safety.
(@MeinfuhrerICanWalk1488)
Here is a comprehensive list of why you should not wash yourself:
1. Companies promoting body wash are controlled by (((JOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSS)))
2. [MEMETIC HAZARD REMOVED]
3. Water is only supposed to be drank.
4. [REDACTED]
5. It removes your natural aryan aura.
(50 Likes) (3 reposts)
(@TrumpWillBeBack2204)
Trump will [MEMETIC HAZARD REMOVED] by 2204! AMEN!
(156 likes) (30 reposts)
(@a)
I have come here to earth to announce that a better version of this site will come out. And it shall be called...CRAB. ALL HAIL XENU AND [MEMETIC HAZARD REMOVED]! FOREVER OUR NEW ALIEN LEADERS, TO MAKE THE UNIVERSE GREAT AGAIN!
(500 likes) (100 reposts) (1 quote)
(@TorbasMomIsInsane)
Intergalactic SYBAU. (Editors note: "SYBAU" Is a typo of Subaru, the famous car brand.)
(10 dislikes) (1 reply)
(@ShoutyMabel1945)
HELP! A METEOR IS ABOUT TO KILL US A
(0 Likes) (0 reposts)