User:Seijana/End of Time

This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from before the End of Time to the End of Time.

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This article or section is able to see into The Future.

Although Wikipedia is not a crystal ball, Uncyclopedia is, so we get to say what happens in the future and they don't. Suckers.

“Is it tomorrow? Or just the end of time?”

~ Jimi Hendrix on the end of time

“The end is not the beginning, nor the middle, but a new beginning for the middle to follow.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the end of time

“Very hard to run through time isnt it!”

~ Pteradon on the end of time

“This is not the end, this is not even the beginning of the end, but it is perhaps...well I'll be damned - it is the end!”

~ Winston Churchill on the end of time

Have you ever noticed that at the end of every femtosecond, another one begins? See for yourself. Wait until the next femtosecond ends to see if another begins. If it didn't, you have just experienced the end of time.

Discovery

From: MR KURISU

Dear Sir,

I am Mr Kurisu, Director of the Nigeria Ministry of
Mining & Natural Resources, writing this during the End of Time.
I am making this contact with you based on
the committee's need for an individual/company who is willing to assist
us with a solution to a money transfer. First and foremost, I apologize
using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this
magnitude, but this is due to the inability to send messages with 
other mediums through time. In unfolding this proposal, I want to count 
on you, as a respected and honest person, to handle this transaction with
sincerity, trust and confidentiality.

I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the
execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all
parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the
nature of this transaction. As Director of Project Implemention
and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our
possession as overdue payment bills totaling thirty-three million,
five-hundred thousand United States dollars (US$33,500,000.00)
which we want to transfer to your year 2000 with the assistance and
cooperation of a past company/individual account to receive the said
fund on our behalf. More so, we are handicapped in the circumstances,
as the South Africa Civil Service Act of End of Time does not allow us
to operate past accounts, hence your importance in the whole
transaction. This amount $33.5m represents the balance of the total
contract value executed on behalf of my department by a past
contracting firm.  
Though the actual contract cost has been paid to the original
contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount
which we have the approval to remit by Key
Temporographic Transfer(K.T.T) to any past bank account you
will provide by filing in an application through the Ministry of
Justice here in Nigeria for the transfer of rights and privileges
of the former contractor to you. I have the authority of my partners
involved to propose that, should you be willing to assist us in the
transaction, your share of the sum will have been 10% of the $33.5 million.
The business itself is 100% safe, provided you treat it with
utmost secrecy and confidentiality.

I have reposed my
confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me.
Endeavor to contact me immediately through my e-mail to confirm
whether or not you are interested in this deal. I want to assure you
that my partners and myself are in a position to make the payment of
this claim possible provided you can give us a very strong Assurance
and guarantee that our share will be secured, and please, remember to 
treat this matter very confidentially, as we will not be satisfied
with any form of exposure as we are still in active Government
Service.

Once again, remember that time is of great essence in this
transaction. I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Kurisu

With Bush's aid, Kurisu safely reached the year 2000. After giving Bush his cut, he then went on to give away secrets of the End of Time, which are now considered well known.

Previous Ends of Time

Dr. Timothy Leary has recently published a theory in collaboration with Carl Sagan indicating that the end of time occurred at the moment of the creation of the Unix Timestamp, twice during the entire year in which nothing happened but Jesus' birth, once before when the Daleks invaded London (after which the whole of time was sent back 3600 years), during the Great Flood and even as early as the Big Bang, which occurred after Jesus tried to eat burrito so big he could not.