Great grease fire of 1812

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The Great grease fire of 1812 was a tragic event in which about 37 people, four unicorns, and a midget were killed. Many tons of marijuana and pure uncut crack cocaine were destroyed, as was a bust of president Martin Van Buren (however, nobody cares, as it looked like shit).

Events Leading to the Great Grease Fire[edit]

The Orgasmotronic government began stockpiling grease and other inflammable objects after the Great Patriotic War of 1066.

As of 3740814 AD, King Lemmie stock-piled an infinity of greasy rags, bits of wood, and lengths of twine. King Lemmie ordered for a 5 megasuperultraton bomb to be dropped into the nearest body of water. The resulting tsunami flooded the countryside and destroyed everything, scattering the once mighty stockpile of crap over about 10 city blocks, if a bunch of shanties and holes counts as a city block.

The actual fire was thought to have been started when some one tried to grease some lightning without grounding it properly first, resulting in a large spark which unfortunately set the gourmet restaurant, the Grease Hut aflame. The fire rapidly spread due to the abundance of grease. It was said that the employees of the Grease Hut, saturated in grease, burned for hours upon hours. These burning employees were credited for popularizing the use of candles.

However, everyone was mourning over the loss of the drugs and forgot to get out of the way of an out of control steam-roller. That was on fire. The resulting explosion was freaking awesome. So awesome, in fact, that even Oscar Wilde himself could not come up with a witty comment.

Aftermath of the Grease Fire[edit]

The Grease fire not only killed 37 people, it completely destroyed them. You know, like what happens when a fat woman walks into a cramped elevator. The once great pile of greasy crap was reduced to a pretty mediocre pile of greasy crap. The scatted debris were used to build the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Still smoldering from the fire, however, the structure eventually burst into the flames. This phenomenon could be seen from space and it looked as if Italy was flipping the bird to the entire planet. Except it was on fire. And awesome.