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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

Fuck Around and Find Out, often abbreviated to FAFO, is a philosophy often used by parents, teachers and scholars worldwide to explain why a person may suddenly find out they have a boot solidly lodged 14 inches into their rectum. It is mainly used on children whose sense of entitlement and petulance has reached a breaking point and their parents feel that talking won't work and grounding will make fuck all of a difference. The kid fucked around, the kid then found out. They didn't quite realize they were finding out right away because before awareness of said boot up their ass sent in, their head was being whacked so hard by rolled up newspaper their brain shifted and the boot in anus processed 0.5 seconds later. Eventually they all find out, even if it is delayed by a minor concussion. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (Pictured)
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... tennis isn't just a game?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

Take that, Betty White!

Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
The UK to ban the resale of tickets
Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • The New England Patriots barely beating crappy opponents • Mike Tomlin screwing the Pittsburgh Steelers • Giants fans hiding in a corner • Non-Bears invading Tennessee

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's and Ravens Flock's livers and kidneys after falling to 6-7 • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually

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On this day [edit]

December 14: World Cliché Day

Long Long Ago - Some French guy misplaced his patent for creating the English language.
1735 - Pie was discovered
1911 - Welsh explorer Roald Dahl and his team become the first people to reach the Giant Peach.
1929 - Hitler realizes he has very little time to finish his Christmas shopping, and subsequently freaks out while in line at Wal-Mart. Chaos ensues.
1991 - Scientists first start working on Packaged Bread Without Crust™. For the next 10 years they will go to countless parties with other scientists and feel like they are working to find the cure for cancer.
1992 - It was discovered that Bart Simpson ate my shorts.
2000 - George W. Bush receives his first gay blowjob. In return for the favor, George W. Bush and his government maintain a very friendly line towards homosexuals.
2001 - 10 years in the making, Packaged Bread Without Crust™ is finally introduced as a prototype to the Bimbo company.
2004 The Kitten army begins to prepare for their mass masturbation strike for 25 December during the Human vs. Kitten War. Strike kills 250,000+ humans.
2004 Post it notes claimed another victim in Paris. Rioting ensues. The PostIt-note war began.
Today - The first day of the rest of your life.
Tomorrow - Another day.
The Day After Tomorrow - It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
2101 War was beginning...

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Never underestimate the power of the dwarf.

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