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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it.

Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Colin "All your base" Heaney is a cannibal? (Pictured)

... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that in 1933, the US Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that you actually didn't know?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America

Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico

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On this day [edit]

February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day

1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins.
1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona.
1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry.
1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism.
1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person.
2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong.
2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts.

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Picture of the day on Wheels

The Last Unicorn In Vinnitsa is photographic evidence of the Nazis' highly successful campaign to eradicate the unicorn untermensch from the face of the Earth.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

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This Uncyclopedia on Wheels is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,062 articles on Wheels. Many other parody wikis on Wheels are available; some of the lamest are listed below.