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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

Platinum is an extremely expensive, yet highly ordinary metal. It is essentially one of over ninety silverly metals. Gold and Copper, the colorful ones, are the envy of Platinum to no end. Then why is it so expensive? Because Platinum is literally the most anti-social metal ever. It refuses to react with anything, even Halogens, and almost every single acid known to science can not even stain it. One thing that can react with it is Aqua Regia, meaning royal water. It is arrogantly so named because it can react with the kings of metals Gold and Platinum. Talk about ego!

Platinum is commonly used by people in high grade laboratory equipment and in jewelry for people who consider themselves too posh to use common gold jewelry. It can also be found residing in the Earth's crust at a concentration of roughly one part per billion. Platinum is the 78th element of the periodic table, it is derived from the Latin word "Platina" which literally means "Little silver", despite costing roughly 60 times more than silver. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)

... tennis isn't just a game?
... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
... that the only cure for the hiccups is an orgasm?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

1977-2026

So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win

Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • Seattle flooding the streets with Starbucks coffee to celebrate the Seahawks' win • New England Patriots fans hiding in a corner after being exposed • r/TheDarnold having a MASSIVE field day

Recent deaths: Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • ~~Uncyclopedia~~ • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • New England Patriots fans' insufferability, for now • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) (Pictured)

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek)

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again

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On this day [edit]

February 15: It Just Got Out Of Hand Day

1203 - Genghis Khan loses his temper after losing a mud wrestling match; invades China.
1655 - Henry Morgan sacks Panama for England, after Spanish children steal novelty codpiece from Oliver Cromwell.
1862 - Ulysses S. Grant attacks Fort Donelson, Tennessee, in retribution for early morning theft of Union toilet paper.
1925 - Adolf Hitler writes his fiction novel Mein Kampf. It is interpreted as non-fiction.
1933 - Attempted assassination of President-elect Franklin Delano Roosevelt after a particularly sweaty handshake during the campaign.
1989 - The Soviet Union leaves Afghanistan, realising that the whole thing just got out of hand.
1997 - Starbucks tries a little too hard to out-do everyone else.
2008 - People don't seem to appreciate your attitude towards my potato chip situation. (Pictured)
2021 - Global warming causes state-wide power outage in Texas; Ted Cruz and family evacuate to Cancún.

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Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

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This Uncyclopedia on Wheels is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,055 articles on Wheels. Many other parody wikis on Wheels are available; some of the lamest are listed below.