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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

Many eons ago, homosexuals were unilaterally banished from mathematics faculties all over the Christian world as their sensitivity, hygiene and fabulous fashion sense showed up the serious failings in these areas by heterosexual mathematicians. This left gay scientists pondering how to find and hook up with other gay mathematicians who shared their passion for opera, rodeos and solving quadrilaterals in tight fitting shorts.

The urge to square root a whole bunch of logical chuckle buddies has been the driving force behind the majority of all scientific advances since the renaissance:

Galileo Galilei's invention of the telescope
Leonardo Da Vinci's invention of the bouncy castle
The invention of male figure-skating auditions

Yet these all led to embarrassing situations that served no purpose other than providing the plots of Shakespeare's most famous farces ("All's Well That Bends Well", "Much Ado About Muffin", "Romeo & Julio", "Twelfth Knight" and "What Can We Do With A Problem Like Aksapada Gautama?". (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling?
... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

SIX SEVEN!

Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" (Pictured)
The New York Yankees now fucking suck
Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
The UK to ban the resale of tickets
Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed

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On this day [edit]

November 29: Magic Appreciation Day (Hogwarts)

1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Christian Pop singer Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do The Welsh Know It's Christmas?.
1984 - Chocolate rations are increased from thirty to twenty grams.
1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by vanishing the Statue of Liberty, reappears three hours later in New Jersey.
1993 - The NYPD start investigation against Copperfield after the mysterious disappearance of Queens.
2003 - Donald Rumsfeld attempts to find WMDs with divining rod, finds three cursed talismans and a forest dryad instead.

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So THAT'S what that sign meant...

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This Uncyclopedia on Wheels is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,022 articles on Wheels. Many other parody wikis on Wheels are available; some of the lamest are listed below.