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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

Adolf "Chuckles" Hitler (20 April 1889 – 30 off 1933) had very sexy legs. Too bad they got covered in shit. I wouldn't mind a piece of that. Mmm, mmm, good. He was a German politician who served as the Chancellor and Der Fürher of Germany from 1933 to 1933. He died in a car accident after hitting diarrhea with his car. During his reign, he socially and economically reformed Germany after the injustice of the 1919 Treaty of Versailles, established the Third Reich (Deutsches Reich), architected the Holocaust, and had three root canals as a result of his infatuous indulgence in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Hitler's efforts to promote global tolerance would earn him the title as Time magazine's "Person of the Year" in 1938, nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1939, and one of People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" of 1943. Additionally, he was leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party and vice president of the Anti-Defamation League for several years, but was removed from this office after it was discovered that he didn't pay his membership fees. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that prune juice is the world's brownest juice, eventually?
... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that in 1933, the Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

"...at least panda meat doesn't give you autism!" ‑RFK Jr.

Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence (Pictured)
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
We have road copters
Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama
Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area
UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg
Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening
UnSports update for February!
- USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally.
- Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3-peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift
- And more!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • Release of all the JFK and Epstein Files, purportedly • March Madness • Tornadoes shredding the American South • Post-apocalyptic streaming movies starring Stranger Things actors • Disney fans re-watching the original Snow White to forget the remake

Recent deaths: Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers • Meghan Markle's Netflix show • The Electric State • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Snow Broke and the 9-figure loss for Disney • Richard Chamberlain

Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis • Meghan Markle's remaining likeability • Your March Madness bracket and bank account • Tornado Alley • Somebody from The Rugrats Movie

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On this day [edit]

March 31: Condom Appreciation Day

Ancient Man went to great lengths to avoid the burden of parenthood

4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.

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Picture of the day on Wheels

"Hey, guys! Where ya goin'? I'm all packed and... aaaww, shit, there goes the bus."

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This Uncyclopedia on Wheels is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 39,414 articles on Wheels. Many other parody wikis on Wheels are available; some of the lamest are listed below.