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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

In mid-2005, Satan had started to publicly question and denounce Tyson's recognition as the "Baddest Man on the Planet." When Tyson learned of this via an interview, Tyson grinned at the camera. Soon after this interview, Tyson challenged Satan to a professional boxing match in order to see "who the baddetht man of the planet really ith." Satan accepted and arranged for the fight to happen in Hell.

For Tyson this fight was for all the marbles: lose, and his soul would be damned to Hell; win, and his soul would be taken into the Kingdom of Heaven. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
...that this sentence is incomple
...that this sentence is incomple
... that Godot isn't coming?
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

"It's for the children's own good!"

Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions
Starmer bans pornography nationwide (Pictured)
Ozzy Osbourne remembers Uncyclopedia
Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!"
Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison"
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Lawyer is unable to remember what the trial is about, defendant is convicted of burglary

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Bill Cosby's TV son • Bryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

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On this day [edit]

August 4: National Sasquatch Awareness Day (Canada)

1753 - George Washington tells a lie. Universe-ending consequences ensue.
1794 - At the height of the French Revolution, the common contemporary ailment of Separation Issues was first documented. (pictured)
1891 - Oscar Wilde's article The Soul of Man Under Socialism is published in the Fortnightly Review. Wilde's scathing commentary on Socialism is followed up the next fortnight by a scathing treatise on women horse-drawn buggy drivers.
1914 - Britain declares war on Germany, thus starting World War I. The United States insists on not getting involved in lovers' quarrels.
1924 - Under the leadership of the Teletubbies, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish clinch a perfect 11-0 season with a rousing defeat of rival USC.
1924 again - Diplomatic relations between Mexico and the Soviet Union are established. The trade of Tequila for Vodka enjoys brief success, but is later overshadowed by the roaring success of the furry hats and sombreros exchange.
1986 - Chernobyl, a pleasantly glowing hamlet located on the beatiful Pripyat River, opens for its first tourist season.
1998 - Chuck Norris, an accountant from Delaware, first encounters the term 'roundhouse', which bewilders and confuses him.

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