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41,113 articles in English on Wheels!

From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

You've read the title. I know what you want, dear reader. I bet you were TikToking down the rabbithole when your mother blew a hole through your door with a C4, and asked you to read seven long-ass books that nobody has the time for in this decade! (That TikToking doesn't do itself right?) And then you said something, like "First of all, what the hell mom, blowing a hole through my door. Also mom, seriously, I don't have time for this... gawd... get off my back. I have two hours of TikToking to do and then a Mario Kart Wii session... on my Wii!" Your mother smacks you over the head with forty-three door-stopping Harry Potter books, and a constant supply of shitty, smelly novels! And when you tried to complain, your mother unbelievably said, "What the hell did you just say to me, Billy? I'll have you know that I'm shart, and you're sooo fucking dump." You stare at your mother in disbelief. No modern parent tells their kids what to do, let alone telling them to read outside when it's -30°F! You'd freeze your dick off! Well get ready Billy, because if even the thought of reading Harry Potter in less than a minute has already blown your brain to Mars, then reading this page would've surely blown your brain to Jupiter. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Angelina Jolie took method acting to the extreme to play the role of Slim in A Bug's Life? (Pictured)
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that you should invest in chicken stock?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

Downing Street denies this image.

Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Starmer announces plans to make tweeting illegal in the UK (Pictured)
Trump given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for ending war he started 3 hours ago
Kansas City Chiefs impulsively fire Missouri as home state, moving to actual Kansas after missing playoffs
UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday
Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches!
ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
The New York Yankees now fucking suck

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia and Josh Allen drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016

Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas ~~City~~ "Chiefs" • Denver Broncos' Super Bowl hopes without Bo Nix • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window with "Mr. Bean" failing upwards

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On this day [edit]

January 21: Drink Until It Stops Hurting Day

30 AD - Supply Side Jesus patents cure for leprosy, sells treatment for thirteen drachmas.
1503 - The first handgun is designed, launches the shooter's hands towards the enemy.
1781 - Benedict Arnold, tired of being called "Eggs Benedict" by George Washington, defects to the British.
1850 - Millard Fillmore installs the White House's first bathtub.
1954 - Leni Riefenstahl writes, directs and stars in propaganda film, "Both Sides Were Bad, M'Kay?"
1991 - First ever "Yo-Mama Joke" is told. Violent bitch-slaps shortly follow.
2017 - Millions of feminist activists and Antifa super soldiers march in the streets, murder innocent shop windows.

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Picture of the day on Wheels

As always, Freud has the answer.

Image credit: Spintherism
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This Uncyclopedia on Wheels is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,113 articles on Wheels. Many other parody wikis on Wheels are available; some of the lamest are listed below.