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From today's featured article on Wheels [Feature an article]

Morning is the time of day when most people, except drug addicts and alcoholics, wake up after a good night's sleep. Morning is defined by the time the sun rises over the eastern horizon, if you're in the northern hemisphere, or when it goes down over the eastern horizon if you're in the southern hemisphere. "Morning" is brighter than "night", unless you live nearer to the moon than you do to the sun. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?

... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?
... that in 1933, the Supreme Court accidentally repealed the 19th Amendment instead of the 18th Amendment, causing FDR - who abused Eleanor while he was in a wheelchair - to be reelected three more times due to women being banned from voting in the 1930's and 1940's?
...that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
... that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?

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In the news on Wheels [edit]

Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out..

New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor (Pictured)
Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government continues to shit itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: Charlie Kirk • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers and kidneys

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On this day [edit]

November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)

1605 - The Parliament building fails to explode.
1854 - Anonymous inventor skinned while testing early hydraulic barber chair.
1900 - Despite widespread panic and rumors in proposition, Big Ben doesn't explode, but the Prime Minister does.
1984 - Despite the Brotherhood's efforts, Big Brother is not wounded in a suicide bombing. Let's thank him for increasing our chocolate to 20 grams!
1987 - Margaret Thatcher's imminent Silent But Deadly reaches critical mass and explodes in her intestine.
2022 - Some guy wearing a mask in London blows some shit up, rioting doesn't ensue (it's England NOT France).

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Picture of the day on Wheels

Trump in peach, after getting in peached.

Image credit: User:DoctorJones
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This Uncyclopedia on Wheels is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,932 articles on Wheels. Many other parody wikis on Wheels are available; some of the lamest are listed below.