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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

BAT FUCK ORIGAMI is a mathematical proof developed to cope with the problem of folding bats into a size and shape suitable for packing into an artillery shell. In the early 1670s, weapons designer Henrich Gustav von Feldermausficken was working under commission of the King of France to develop a terror weapon called the Bat Fuck Howitzer. The most formidable engineering problem was how to fire a bat from a cannon without destroying it. Feldermausficken hit upon the idea of folding the bats into the smallest possible package.

The folding problem was assigned to physicist Eugen Edelsheiss of Dresden, Germany, and thereafter became known as the "Edelsheiss Bat Folding Problem". His inspiration was drawn from the then little-known techniques of origami, the Japanese art of paper folding. Anecdotally, the solution came to him in a dream following a long night of absinthe consumption. The original models were done by hand and took several months to finish. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?
... that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?

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In the news [edit]

"It's for the children's own good!"

Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions
Starmer bans pornography nationwide (Pictured)
Ozzy Osbourne remembers Uncyclopedia
Obama to Democrats: "toughen up, you fucking pussies!"
Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison"
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Lawyer is unable to remember what the trial is about, defendant is convicted of burglary

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims • LA ICE raids • Connie Francis • Alan Bergman • Bill Cosby's TV son • Bryan Kohberger's freedom • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates

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On this day [edit]

July 28: National Fondue and Chocolate Day (Switzerland) (pictured)

1020 – Swiss man Arkov Chenbort accidentally drops chocolate into vat of fondue. Entire village enjoys snack.
1439 – A continent-wide fondue shortage in Europe causes citizens to whine, moan, complain, and otherwise be unhappy.
1794 – Robespierre is sent to the guillotine for declaring white chocolate the Chocolate of the Revolution...and for thinking July could be renamed Thermedor.
1956 – The first video game is introduced, allowing the player to move a dot to one of two locations on a projected screen using punch cards. Legendary gamer AAA makes his debut, setting the all-time high score of 13, which stands to this day.
1972 – On a trip to Vietnam, Jane Fondue is captured in a photograph that caused chocolate sales to soar, at least to her for a while.
1999 – After widespread internet rumors concerning chocolate shortages are proven to be false, many of the instigators are banned from the internet.
2007 – Bashing one's head against a brick wall is officially substitued for fondue and chocolate in some of the poorer areas of the world.

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