Portal:Technology

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Technology portal
Code Monkey's favorite page for computing, gadgets and machinations.
This is a magic box full of pixies that can do simple things like huffing kittens, performing mathematical operations (not real ones), and composing essays in piglatin. The technology contained hereign has been likened to an epic game of Twister that sucks the user into addictive habitual behaviors. Once the user is exposed to teh internets and its wealth of hallucinogenic properties, the user is converted into an insomniac, craving more and more technology to sate their addiction. Addicts can be identified by restlessness when not in contact with a computer, the compulsive urge to turn a computer on as soon as they are conscious, excessive usage of technobabble, and often basking in the warm glow of an oversized monitor at four-six a.m. in the morning, bleary-eyed and craving coffee, still wishing to engage in acts such as browsing Reddit forums, shopping on EBay, editing Uncyclopedia articles and other useless cyber activities, all while watching a movie on DVD and listening to an MP3 player in one headphone - despite obvious signs of fatigue. Users are also known to take apart their remote controls and have at least 2 pairs of wire strippers, along with at least 4 different colors of electrical tape...
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Highlighted Article

File:Wife OS 2.jpg
Version 2
Welcome to the Wife Operating System online handbook.

Currently we are experiencing technical difficulties (ie. the Boss is watching), our IT department will upload the manuals of Wife OS asap!!

Wife OS is an operating system.

Wife OS versions

Versions by date of install

  • This can be checked by examining the signed "Marriage Certification" document. The version date will be listed as Marriage Date.
  • pre- 1959 - Most durable versions. Capable of taking a lot of crap without need of reset. Also includes largest self-auto-fix-tools set (not included in later versions).
  • 1960 - 1969 - Large degree of variability, highly dependent on Wife manufacturer as to which Wife OS was installed. (no manuals available, too many versions undocumented)  (more...)
Article Credit: Hawthorn Peebles View All
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4chan (exposed)
Welcome to 4chan. You are here.
Image Credit: Ihavenolife
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Did You Know...

 Monty Python was responsible for naming junk e-mail Spam?
 the QWERTY keyboard was designed to slow down your typing speed?
 Google's first tweet was in binary?
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Quote of the Day

The devil quotes scripture, I quote Motor Trend Magazine. 
– Chip Foose
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Highlighted Biography

File:Teslathinker.jpg
Tesla seen here with his giant fan invention...

Nikola Tesla (Serbian: Кицк Асс; 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943) is one bad mofo and a god of electricity in Norse mythology. He is also a scientist, inventor and visionary. Worship him for you cannot win, he shall disarm all your petty weapons.

Early Life

Though commonly believed to be human, Nikola Tesla was actually born through a small discharge of static electricity caused by his mother rubbing up against the local pizza delivery boy during a lightning storm, or at least that's what she told Tesla's father. Another lesser known theory claims that he actually was hired to construct himself by his father in the summer of 1883 for 5$ per hour. The story has it that Tesla had already been working on plans for himself in secret for several years so was able to start right away.  (more...)

Article Credit: VitalOD View All
Modern Computing 1985
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Technology Spotlight

File:Rockname.jpg
The user-friendly touch-screen interface...
The Poopenheimer Mainframe Mk XII Computer is known as the first ever computer on earth. Legend has it that Julius Caesar and his friend Brutus dropped out of Rome University about 90 BC to pursue their dream of becoming icons in the technology industry. They worked and they worked, meeting many failures. The Poopenheimer Mainframe Mk versions I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, VIV, X, and XI all had major flaws. However, they believed they had a breakthrough with XII.

Inspiration Strikes

One day, while working in their dark downtown Rome apartment, Caesar had a sudden idea.

"Great Brutus, shall we instead of basing our code on the Socratic Method/base it on that which hath preceded: the Altair 8800!"  (more...)

Article Credit: Savethemooses View All
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Technology Index


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