Google Chrome
 "We're totally not watching you!" | |
 The latest version of Google Chrome, running on a table | |
| Mantainer(s) | |
|---|---|
| Stable release | 78.0.3904.108 |
| Preview release | 79.0.3945.56 |
| Operating system | Windows, Linux, and OSX |
| File size | 200+ MB and |
Google Chrome is an Internet browser, made from refined chromium. We mean the metal, not the open source browser. It is developed by Google, and currently the third most used browser after Mozilla Firefox and Internet Exploder. It is based on the blink engine, forked from the WebKit engine, forked from Apple's fork of KHTML, forked from KHTML. Due to this, it refuses to render any non-Google webpage properly, which means no virus. It is also the currently the world's fastest browser, because it gets all the internet from Google.
History[edit | edit source]
Chrome started off when two geologists, Sergey Brin and Larry Page, discovered a new substance several meters below the ground of Tajikistan which they named Google Chrome (their expedition was being funded by Google at the time). Google soon found out that the substance would be perfect for an internet browser because it can carry data at a blazing speed of 10100 mph. They began constructing it by injecting codes like C++ and <html> into the substance and shaping it for the Windows operating system. However, the development stage stretched out to 20-30 minutes a few years and went way over budget, meaning that Google had to increase the number of adverts on sites it owned, such as YouTube, for extra money. This presents a certain irony every time you type Google-bashing comments on YouTube whilst using Chrome.
Announcement[edit | edit source]
Google Chrome was announced on August 31st 2008 and publicly released for Microsoft Windows on September 2nd 2008 in 43 "languages". The browser had been downloaded 24 times by the next day because it didn't explode unlike a certain browser. On October 24th, 2008 Google was sued for killing various pages that include Yahoo, Wikipedia, and more. In December 2009, Google released a version compatible with the Linux, and Macintosh operating systems.
Getting and installing Chrome[edit | edit source]
The easiest way to get Chrome is of course, downloading it. It is recommended to download Google Chrome from Microsoft Edge for maximum "Efficiency". But since it's a metal substance, the downloaded item is just a 3D printer file of Google Chrome. Fortunately, Google provides a hotline for anyone wanting to order a proper copy of Google Chrome. Once a person has called the hotline, they will receive a patented Chromium-made chip which they must jam into their computer with a mallet. Once this process has been completed, the Chromium chip will be melted by your flaming computer and harden on the inner cables, creating a new layer able to cope with even the heaviest amounts of Internet data.
Features[edit | edit source]
Google Chrome has many features, including;
- Themes: Starting with Chrome 3.0, you could choose from a range of "themes", which are more or less what color your browser background would be. There are a wide range of themes, such as 50 Cent and S&M. Tech-savvy people can actually design their own themes and upload them to an online gallery, although this was revealed to be a large-scale pyramid scheme in 2010.
- Incognito Mode: An interesting feature which can also be found on Internet Explorer as "Porn Mode", opening an Incognito window blocks any tracking devices (well, apart from the ones made by Google) and does not add your actions to the browser history. Many critics have admitted that Incognito mode has left them feeling "secure".
- Support from Google: It's a good thing having friends in high places.
- Separate Process for Each Tab: If a virus or dodgy website is located in one tab, it is isolated immediately and Chrome ensures that it will be blocked in the other tabs. Or, to put it simply, your computer will go BOOM due to the extreme overload. When told about this side-effect, Google provided hardhats. Later versions, however, have made it so that in the onset of a crash all tabs and extensions are lumped into one big task again, which crashes instantly.
Disadvantages[edit | edit source]
The cons to using Google chrome are listed below:
- Many people consider Internet Explorer the reigning browser and will happily beat up Chrome users over it.
- Being a merciless corporation, Google riddled Chrome with viruses.
- If your computer explodes, you'll die in the process, even with a hardhat.
- The Chrome substance is highly acidic.
Official Disclaimer[edit | edit source]
Google or any of its parent corporations are not responsible for any damage done to your computer, you, your family, your cat, your dog, your mouse or your house. Legal action will be taken if you attempt to take legal action. If Google Chrome seems to malfunction it's still not our fault. Umm... it's all Bill Gates' fault! Him and Steve Jobs! Yeah, blame them (...you jerk...)!