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It's been 25 years since your grandmother died and I remembered how you cried like a little pussy as she wasted away into an emaciated pile of death. She'd bring us lemonade with a smile hiding her loneliness (being a widow and all from your grandfather's freak unexpected death). I think I deserved her love more than you but, you know, she was your grandma. I think she loved me more than she loved you, but I never said that because that would be an asshole move, and I love you brah, would never be a dick to you.
We were young and awesome (especially me) with no idea about the hardships that would come with adult life. That is why I found it kind of hilarious to see her helpless in her hospital bed gagging on a tube. The irony is that she lived a selfless life and yet the universe didn't care. She spent her last days are with a tube down her throat unable to breathe. Of course I didn't laugh out loud (even though it was super funny), because that would have been terribly insensitive and I am a deeply caring awesome guy, especially when you are concerned. So I waited 10 years until I thought you'd be receptive to the hysterical comedic nature of that scene watching Grandma rot away in pain. Wasn't it a classic hoot? (Full article...)
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| *... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
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January 5: Guillotine Day (France)
- 1789 - Joseph-Ignace Guillotin first proposes the idea of a simple cutting mechanism by which the heads of monarchist scum are efficiently detached.
- 1793 - Maximilien Robespierre, to speed up the long lines of people awaiting execution, designs a new guillotine based on Leonardo da Vinci's primitive helicopter designs.
- 1794 - Robespierre's severed head goes on to become the next Prime Minister of Belgium.
- 1977 - The last person to be execution by guillotine, Hamida Djandoubi, sells commemorative postcards to pay for his defense trial.
- 1996 - Georgia State Rep. Doug Teper is reelected on his promise to rename the guillotine the freedom slicer.
- 2003 - British scientists invent a hybrid lethal injection/guillotine device, by which the blade of a guillotine is replaced by a row of hypodermic needles.
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Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. It's sort of like Congress or Parliament. Unlike Congress or Parliament, however, we do have a sense of humor. Nonetheless, this one of the only factual pages, before everything turns into a puddle of utter confusion and disarray. Savor it. And for the love of Sophia, we know you like disarray, but stop adding confusion to this page to spite the disclaimer.
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