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tap tap
Is this thing on?
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I told the shmendriks in logistics to make sure everything is prepared before I start this part.
HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?
waves of feedback from the speakers, congregation cringes
Tekiah Gedolah!
feedback like a shofar, congregation laughs
Ah! So those shlimazels can actually do something for once. Since they didn't manage to block the credit crunch, I lost faith in them.
congregation giggles
So, chevralach, thank you all for coming for this pre-Shabbat get together of the congregation. I'd especially like to thank Mrs. Rubinstein for preparing all the lovely krepalach for the meeting. Thank you Rebecca, much appreciated. (Full article...)
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| *... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
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July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US)
- 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
- 1687 – Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
- 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
- 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
- 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
- 1976 – Dumbass starts running across the United States.
- 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
- 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date.
- 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
- 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
- 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
- 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
- 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
- 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
- 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
- 2006 – That's right, still no aliens.
- 2006 – Zombies become extinct.
- 2007 – Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
- 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
- 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
- 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
- 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.
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Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. It's sort of like Congress or Parliament. Unlike Congress or Parliament, however, we do have a sense of humor. Nonetheless, this one of the only factual pages, before everything turns into a puddle of utter confusion and disarray. Savor it. And for the love of Sophia, we know you like disarray, but stop adding confusion to this page to spite the disclaimer.
Photo credit: Chronarion
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