Sabretooth (comics)

Sabertooth
The famous sculpture of the famous man-hippy. Stolen from The Louvre, this photo is all that remains of the incredible piece titled "TOO MUCH SHAVE".
Publisher None First appearance Last years 10,000 Lakes Festival Created by Bob the Janitor Teresa the Whore
Statistics Real name Victor Creed Status Running around some hippy forest campground somewhere, smoking grass and taking names. And killing. Affiliations Widespread Panic, Mother Nature Previous affiliations O.A.R. Notable aliases Hairy McDouche, Smokey Van Smokers Notable relatives Don't need 'em Notable powers Can run real fast, has sharp teeth and nails for easy bong-cleaning, lungs of steel (and THC). Lots of Hair.

Sabertooth is a bloodthirsty hippy who won't hesitate, no sir, to get his murder on to fulfill his contracts, or to steal their weed. He's a tough dude, with a rough past. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, should get in his way, unless you meet at a music festival, and everybody's being cool and relaxed, you know. Then he likes it if you pet him. He is an animal, after all.

History

Born in Czechoslovakia, Minnesota back in '58, Victor Creed grew up impoverished. His father was a janitor, and his mother was a whore. Throughout his early life, the ridicule of his parent's professions made him into a fierce fighter. After all, you gotta kick someone's ass when they call your mom a whore, even if she is.

"Vicky", as his old man liked to call him was transferred between the four schools of the area eight times for fighting, killing, smashing and yelling. The final straw of public schooling came when he bit the leg off Principal McMurray in the 9th grade. "I've had enough of your constant gnawing," said McMurray, "you're expelled."

When he got home that day, he walked through an open door to find a stinky wolverine eating the now-cold bodies of his parents.

An epic battle between good and evil took place. After everything was over, only one man was left standing, and the wolverine was twitching away on the ground, all crazy, like an epileptic. Vicky left home, and wandered the Northern wilderness, exposing himself to the public only at special times, like the anniversary of his parents' deaths, or sometimes just when he got drunk.

When roaming through the forests one crazy weekend, Vicky, now going as "Sabertooth" (Don't ask, it's a long story), wandered upon a hippy commune next to a crystal clear lake. At first he was angry that the dirty hippies would go near such a pure body of water, then he realized that since they were still dirty, they couldnt have gone into the water. And so on.

Special Abilities

Can toke up with the best of them. Due to an advanced healing factor, can recover from "The Coughs" like a champ. Doesn't ever shave, except for that one time, when he shaved too much (SEE SCULPTURE: TOO MUCH SHAVE), oy vey. Long, sharp teeth and nails for both killing and bong cleaning, and, in a pinch, work great for fondue forks. Has traveled the world and the seven seas. Once met Conan the Barbarian while traveling through Parts Unknown because he heard they had some killer bud. When shown a picture of Jay Leno's chin, he stores up enough anger to shoot a beam of heat from one of his claws.

Criminal Record

Murder- To numerous to list
Indecent Exposure - March 8th 1968
Indecent Exposure - March 8th 1969
Public Urination - September 15th 1969
Indecent Exposure - March 8th 1970
Public Intoxication - January 12th 1973
Public Urination - January 12th 1973
B & E - January 15th, 1973
Sodomy - July 30th 1976
Indecent Exposure - March 8th 1978
Indecent Exposure - March 8th 1982
Destruction of Property - October 31st, 1990
Indecent Exposure - March 8th 1995
Conspiracy to commit Jaywalking - March 9th 1995

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