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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

PICK A FUCKING SIDE, ASSWIT! Anyways, road rage is what happens when THESE FUCKTARDS NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE! GOING 80 ON THESE TWISTY LITTLE ROADS? GET TORN TO SHREDS BY A FUCKING BEAR, FUCKPUDDLE ! As I was saying, when mommy and daddy really love each- Oh, sorry, wrong article. So road rage is what happens when somebody driving bothers another driver. It is a very serious thing, and should be PEDAL TO THE FUCKING METAL, YOU TURDLICKER ! Like I was saying, it should be avoided at all costs. Life is precious after all. DIE YOU USELESS CYCLIST YOU'RE TAKING UP THE WHOLE FUCKING LANE CHICKEN LEGS! (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Cafeteria food (Pictured) is not generally edible?

... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that this in not a DYK entry?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?

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In the news [edit]

One simply cannot piss until he scans this.

Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake (Pictured)
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Florida Man found guilty of attacking Trump "as an alligator", sent to Alligator Alcatraz
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her football player boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Kids and pregnant moms trying to gain "super autism powers" by binging on Tylenol • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in Washington

Recent deaths: FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford • Baltimore Ravens' pride • New York Mets' postseason dreams • The US Government's money • Jane Goodall

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys', Cincinnati Bengals' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 • Kids and moms trying to gain autism powers from Tylenol

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On this day [edit]

October 7: International Penis Appreciation Day

1512 - Cockfighting is invented by Goorg, a Turkish peasant in Asia Minor. Confusion reigns as roosters square off against genitalia.
1960 - Kennedy & Nixon debate the Cold War and penis length in the second of four scheduled debates.
1970 - Richard Nixon announces he has a penis and launches a new five-point peace proposal to end the Vietnam War.
2003 - California governor Gray Davis loses his penis and is replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2007 - Actor Daniel Radcliffe, concerning a penis-enhancement e-mail, sues "that guy who keeps offering to make my penis larger" for sexual harassment; "that guy", who turns out to be Jesus, claims to have been trying to work on his miracle-performing skills.

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Picture of the day

Figuring he would at last turn around his luck, Wild Jim drew the fabled dead man's hand.

Image credit: Sonje
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