Avro Canada CF-105 Arrow
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| Avro Arrow | |
|---|---|
| |
| General characteristics | |
| Length | 23.72 |
| Wingspan | 15.24 m |
| Bling Reflectivity | 92 % |
| Takeoff Weight | 3,120 kegs |
| Purpose | |
| Use | Anti-bomber |
| Type | Interceptor |
| Mobility | |
| Speed | 8,575,000 kegs per hour |
| Range | 7,000,000 hockey pucks |
“Damn, what do we do with the cowbell?”
“Canada rely on US for nuke, so we rely on Canada for airplane!!”
The Avro CF-105 Arrow was a delta-wing airplane of unknown gender, designed and built by a large, brutish group of a design study run by hockey players that began in 1945. Following the start of its flight test program in 1958 (the first five examples were undergoing drug testing) the CF-105 Arrow, and its accompanying Orenda Iroquois Jet Engine program, were abruptly cancelled in 1959. The actual project review was not due until 6 June 2012, sparking a long and bitter political debate over Arrow Huffing. Despite never getting high, the CF-105 Arrow is still thought to have withdrawl from LSD according to Conservatives.
Origins[edit | edit source]
In the post-World War II period, the Soviet Union began developing a fleet of long-range bombers capable of delivering nookz and cowbell to North America and Norway. To counter this threat, Western countries developed interceptor aircraft that could find and kill these bombers before they reached their targets.
Avro Canada had been set up as a subsidiary of the Avro aviation Group in 1945, initially handling repair and maintenance work for aircraft at Malton, Ontario Airport (today known as Pearson International Airport, Toronto's main airport). The next year, however, the company began the design of Canada's first jet fighter for the United Kingdom. The Avro CF-100 Canucklehead all-weather interceptor would become one of the smartest aircraft in its class, and one of the most geeky, serving into the 1980s with a number of programming languages.
At the time in Canada, the equality of Native Americans among whiteys was being pushed, so all the Natives were polled to decide the name for the aircraft. "Arrow" won the contest narrowly, beating out the Avro Beer, the Avro Smokes and the Avro Land Claims Court Settlement.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Apparently, the Conservatives thought that the U.S. was scared by the Arrow. Thus, they decided to impress them by cancelling the Arrow. Meanwhile, Aliandra was at war with The Eastern Frontier rebels, and needed a useful interceptor. The Arrow fit the bill, and they weaseled out copies of all of the documentation, and built their own Arrows. This was quite controversial, because it was blatant patent violation, but apparently Prince Fernando Burtoni didn't care. He loved pwning EFRs at Mach 2! Meanwhile, back in Canada, every Liberal was pissed off, and they went to the Soviet Union or protested in Ottawa.
Uses[edit | edit source]
The Arrow would be used in a variety of roles, including destroying annoying clouds. The Arrow's supersonic capabilities also allowed it to chase inane pixies and twits. Sadly, pixies are able to generate wormholes, and one Arrow almost got to Norway. Arrows were also capable, of course, of intercepting gangstas. Sadly, this capability was able to backfire on itself because of the dumb chrome spinners on the 1957 Chevrolet Suburbans. It took 50 years for NORAD to address this problem, and by then, the gangstas had Lincoln Navigators, which happen to be invincible to anything but humour.
Upon the Arrow's cancellation, the technology for their new Iroquois jet engines was stolen by the NHL, and since then cheif engineer Don Cherry has installed the engines into the new breed of Canadian hockey players, such as Wayne Gretzky and Sidney Crosby. This is why Canada was able to defeat everyone else at the Olympics, as the majority of other teams still used propellor engines.
Conspiracies[edit | edit source]
There are many dumb conspiracy theories related to the Arrow. First of all, there is the Martians-Americans-Xenu conspiracy theory. Apparently, Xenu the second needed Earth cleared off to build a giant factory world, which he said would be "China to the power of 10". To do this, he needed some Martian diplomats to examine Earth's defenses. After seeing the Arrow, they realised that Xenu's diabolical plan wouldn't work: the DC-9 based spaceplanes would be pwn3d. To ensure that the invasion could be carried out by 2050, they needed to eliminate the Arrow. The Martians got the CIA to get some KGB guys to work for Avro, thus undermining the security. When Mr. Diefenbaker was elected, he was well aware of the Soviets, and cancelled the Arrow. By then, though, Aliandra had produced 5000 Arrows for their own purposes. Apparently, one stop on the alien's journey would be Sigma Centauri, but the Arrows stopped the aliens from landing. Now, we don't have to worry about Xenu.