User talk:VGDictator/archive1

This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read.

It's a talkpage. Behave! | Time: 13:44Status: Poke 3 06:47, March 3, 2011 (UTC)

Welcome!

Hello, VGDictator/archive1, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

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I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)

Okay then. --VGDictator 17:43, 5 April 2007 (UTC)

Suggestions for Waka Laka

I was half asleep when I wrote the article, and now it appears I have writer's block, as well. VGDictator 17:45, 5 April 2007 (UTC)

Other Comments

Feel free to add more comments/talk to me/hatemail/nuclear/cowbell/userboxes/kitten.

I love kittens, especially. =3 --Video Game Dictator 17:08, 25 March 2008 (UTC)

Thanks!

Hey, thanks for signing my signature thingy guest book! - 05:27 1 April 1927Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

You're welcome. =D Isshiki Kotonashi 16:36, 1 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh I see someone has a signature book of there own now! Hu! - 10:38 3 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Sorry, I really liked the idea! =S V G D >=3 00:26, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

Well thank you, VGDictator, or is it Isshiki Kotonashi? I'm glad you like my rather odd custom! - 03:01 8 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

VGDictator copied me, tut, no creativity! -03:03 8 April YTTE

I Hate <insert name here>! Read!

Shut up! Sorry, that was evil me, very sorry about that! Bad EvilYTTE! BAD! (This is another one of my weird customs, but I really don't expect you to take this one up!

- 03:07 8 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

I doubt it. However, I don't know what I expect I will do, so sometimes maybe one must expect the unexpected. Or something like that. Kitties. =3 Also, I do indeed already act with a multiple personality, in an attempt to be cute, or maybe because it is fun, or maybe it allows me to type longer sentences, although I shouldn't listen to my head sometimes, because it says bad things about my pet, and I don't really appreciate that much. Also, my personality is plenty screwed up already without taking moral sides, or something like that. V G D >=3 15:03, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

No creativity fishsticks for me. Oh well. I don't like fish anyway. V G D >=3 15:03, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh, my, in the words of ☯ "Good sir, you are made of LOL and severe mental illness." Oh and thanks for the vote... Oh and also you like games? I've just made a game, here, now if you can complete that I'll give you a very special template. (That was a sort of whore wasn't it?, oh well). Erm, well yuh. - 05:54 9 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

You can't win that, silly. =3 (And yes, that could possibly be considered a whore. =D) V G D >=3 18:00, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh but you can win it, Ok, maybe you can't, well, actually...no you definitely can't (see I made that game and then I forgot you can't complete it and I spent three hours trying to finish it, damn, I thought I had got so close...). So anyway, how did you stumble across my signature book in the first place? - 08:03 9 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Probably while adding to Forum:Count to a million. Maybe. Not sure. Don't really remember. Alzheimer's and all that. V G D >=3 19:09, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

Yeppie, Alzheimer's is mine too, in the head and er stuff. - 08:16 9 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Like I was saying

And to my right, across from the Starbucks,... was a Starbucks. V G D >=3 19:22, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

yay! thanks for the delete vote!

For helping ~~destroy~~ ~~murder~~ ~~ruthlessly murder~~ delete the article "Courtney Love did not kill Kurt Cobain" Thank you so much!

Moonzeppelin –{{{4}}}

--Moonzeppelin MUN 13:48, 13 April 2008 (UTC)

You're welcome. V G D >=3 21:17, 13 April 2008 (UTC)

So...

...how are you? What you been upto? Written anything more? Just "stopping by" here. - 09:46 14 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Haven't really written much besides that secret game I'm making. I have writer's block. =( V G D >=3 02:49, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

I'm aware that I probably should try making some articles, but I just don't got it right now. V G D >=3 02:52, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh I'm making another game, this time completable, called the random game... Good luck with yours! - 08:20 15 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Same with you. I can has link? V G D >=3 21:02, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Oooh my sig went wrong...Here's a link to the game so far, haven't got very far: Game:The Random Game - 09:13 16 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

I love the fact that performing randomness doesn't actually result in your death. I've been waiting for that, really. V G D >=3 20:19, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

That was the idea behind the game: like what if in every situation you had to do the weirdest things, not the most sensible ones? - 09:22 16 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Kinda like this roleplay I made in this one forum here. Except yours also has structure to it that makes it more accessible. Mine's simply a spam roleplay. =P V G D >=3 20:27, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Lol, yh, I like it though, it's utterly random! - 09:29 16 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

That's what I was going for. =3 V G D >=3 20:35, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Ban Patrol

I was just checking the Ban Patrol page out and noticed you'd put some people up there...this confused me! Are you a sysop or something, or can anyone add stuff to there or stuff? - 09:40 17 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Anyone can report people to the Ban Patrol, I think. *goes to check* V G D >=3 00:13, 18 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh, really. Well I may just do that sometime... - 04:22 18 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

*finishes checking* Yup, you can. =3 V G D >=3 18:40, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

Secret Game

...I think I completed your game, I managed to enter the code... :-D Very nice game, keep up the good work! - 07:07 20 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

You think so? =) It's not done yet, though. V G D >=3 17:12, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

And why, ~~deer~~ dear sir, is your user page no longer pointlessly long, huh? - 07:04 21 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Because it is again. Hah! V G D >=3 18:05, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

What's with the sig0/nospan/ thanks YTTE, what am I being thanked for? - 07:37 21 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Becaues I forgot how to plainlink it. =3 V G D >=3 18:39, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh right, my pleasure. :-D On an unrelated subject, my award cabinet is most bear, I don't even have any cookies... - 07:42 21 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

WHORE WHOAR WHOER =D V G D >=3 18:50, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

Me? I don't know what you're talking about? - 08:21 21 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

No, not you? That guy over there? V G D >=3 19:24, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

CMC

Welcome VGDictator to the Glorious Cow Moo Cult!

You're in, you clearly fit these requirements and the Cows, obviously, smile upon you. You are currently a "Mud Grunt" by rank. Now the good bit: you can officially put this template wherever you want on your userpage or talk page and can add "Mgr." to the beginning of your signature, if you wish.

Promoting the CMC is always good, considering at the moment we're barely even tiny on Uncyclopedia. If you can refer users to sign up, consider yourself promoted. In time you'll move up the ranks anyway. Occasionally you'll have to put a little bit of work in here and there, but only a little bit... For the moment all you really need to do is watchlist this page. Your main task, however, is CONVERTING THE COWLESS. Have a quick read of this before you start and conversion processes. If you help swell the CMC ranks, it's likely you'll get a promotion!

I'm happy to answer any questions here. Oh and it's advised you read these (loose) rules. You are now one of the few with the Cows on your side.

Let the moo be with you!
Moo moo moo mo mooo moo!

- 08:51 22 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Moo moooo moo. =3 V G D >=3 20:02, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Off with you, off on your converting mission! - 09:16 22 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

SIG!!

...bastardos! How dare you steal my sig! I suppose, at least you put the right cmc rank on it, but even still...He he! Also I've come to rub some of my achievements in your face (because I'm just sooo nice)! I got a golden shower award, i'm probably getting NotM and I may even get an article featured! WOO! I'm so happy... YTTE, signing out.... V G D >=3 06:28, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

I have a whole list of stolen sigs right here. >=3 - 17:33, 24 April 2008 (UTC) cal.YTTE Talk! Sign!

I know found them and had a look through, you thief! - 06:47 24 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Teehee! V G D >=3 17:48, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Did you know the cows are offended that you don't have Mgr. in your sig? Teehee! - 06:52 24 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Canned response #1c7: "Pending" V G D >=3 18:04, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

I'm Too Kind...AWARD!

Hey ho, well since ~~we only have two users at the CMC~~ the CMC is growing so fast into a huge Uncyc group I've decided to reward its ~~two only members (excluding me, of course)~~ entire and extensive list of members with FCTs. Enjoy! And yey you've got an award!

You've Been Awarded The Order Of The Flying Communist Turd, 3rd Class.
You Must Have Done Something Quite Special For Me! Woo! Lucky You!
From Comrade YesTimeToEdit

- 03:44 26 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Why thank you. !yalP | !ngiS | !eM pleH | !klaT | E= iesnes-ihsanotoK ikihssI

Nah, nah, it was nothing, well obviously it was something, anyway... Since we're the only two Uncyclopedians in the CMC I double-promoting you (to the rank of Full Calf - or Cal.) for joining and sticking with for just over, er, a week? This means you get this loverly template and your official CMC title is now Cal. instead of Mgr. Yay! I love giving out awards! - 15:02 28 April Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Canned response #156: Why thank you. V G D >=3 18:28, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

thx

FOOM

Thanks for voting for Why?:Burn a Furby? on VFH.

Now get out there and incinerate some of those suckers!

– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:13 Apr 28, 2008

You're welcome, doctor. =3 V G D >=3 19:16, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Sorry...

...to keep bothering you about the CMC, but we have another member, well soo anyway. Since the CMC is only tiny and weeny you've got to be a good faithful member, to do that you really need to watchlist this. Not forcing you, but ya know... Anyway, thanks. Have a nice morning/day/evening/night! - 19:45 29 April Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Watchlist'd. Thankies! =3 V G D >=3 20:27, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

No, no, thankies to you! - 20:40 29 April Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

- V G D >=3 21:37, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

	Well, well, well. I never would have guessed that VGDictator was stupid enough to vote for this tripe! Goes to show you never can tell.
	Thanks for voting!

Thanks for your vote! -OptyC Sucks! CUN00:07, 30 Apr

You are welcome. =3 V G D >=3 00:46, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

NotM - Thanks

SHIZZLE DIZZLE!

VGDictator, you there? Come out where I can see you, I come bearing gifts! There you are! You are a VERY clever person. Why? Because you voted for me and helped me become NotM! Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.

To reward you, I'm giving you a YTTE goodie-bag. It is a collection of YTTE memorabilia I've just pulled out of my pocket...That's one scrumpled piece of paper, a dead slug, three unidentified hairs, a strain of the bird flu virus, a morally ambiguous Olympic torch, two cows and various assorted, unexpected items. Enjoy!

YTTE would also remind you that he's still got a few miracle toothbrushes left. Toothbrushes have so many uses, and these miracles ones are great! Buy one now for a massively reduced price and enjoy their increased ease-of-use feel. 98% of the people studied said their teeth were saved by these total protection tooth brushes! Get your hands on one now!

P.S. Sorry that was so long and rambling, sorry there's no picture. You'll just have to imagine that this is a short, concise, beautiful thank you template. Also I'm hoping I'm not breaking any unspoken rule or etiquette of Uncyclopedia by giving you this thank you template!

from YTTE.

Thanks for voting for me, VGD! - 16:19 2 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

You ish welcome. =3 V G D >=3 16:29, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

Argh all the new CMC stuff is a lot of work!! Ah, I could use someone's help *hint hint* you know? Heh heh. - 17:11 2 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Agh! Sorry, AGAIN

Argh! I'm so sorry to keep spamming your userpage with this stuff, but yeah, uh, sorry! I've completed the CMC stuff we were talking about. I think it's probably littered with mistakes, but, yeah... Thanks for all your CMC related help and enthusiasm so far! I'm off to finish my major user page change now. Let the cows run with you! Moo! - 10:45 3 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

It is perfectly fine! If I didn't want anyone talking to me I'd just blank the page or ignore it or tell you to stop talking to me because it upsets my stomach! =D V G D >=3 21:42, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, some time in the near future I may have to promote you up to the rank of Chew Grass so that you can accept new users, because what with the flood of new CMC members (he he) I may need help... Also we got featured in Cajek's and Dr. Skullthumper's new UnSignpost! - 15:22 7 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

UnSignpost? Whar that be, matey? V G D >=3 22:25, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

User:Fnoodle/UnSignpost - 06:32 8 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Hey...

How do I be as awesome as you? The SOAD Fan (Ryan C.) 00:17, 10 May 2008 (UTC)

...VDG is not awesome. Not at all. You should try to be like me instead. Or Modusoperandi. Or Cajek. But not VGD. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex ! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEE ING • HP • BFF @ 01:37 May 10

Ahem? You should try to be like me. I'm practically awesome with legs and arms and a brain. - 06:58 10 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Yeah, YTTE is pretty awesome as well. Just not VGD. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex ! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEE ING • HP • BFF @ 16:20 May 10

That's kinda harsh! - 11:41 11 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Yes, indeed, you are better off with someone else. There is absolutely nothing awesome about me. At all. Ever. ...but can you at least sign my sigbook? And do you have my talkpage watched, SysRq? I thought I wasn't awesome, hmm? Of course, how could I be? I'm a lolcat, I thrive off of snowclones and various fast food items. There's nothing special about that. ...WTF? THERE'S A SPIDER ON MY HEAD! GET IT OFF!!! !yalP | !ngiS | !eM pleH | !klaT | E= iesnes-ihsanotoK ikihssI 21:00, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

...No, you're not on my watchlist. I'm just...GAHH SPIDUR ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex ! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEE ING • HP • BFF @ 16:19 May 13

Here, let meh help youz with dat. *hits SysRq in the head with a keyboard* There, I killds it. ...Why you is face red? You has bit by spidda? *is strangled* V G D >=3 21:18, 14 May 2008 (UTC)

Gank! UnSignpost: May 8th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

May 8th, 2008 • Issue 1 • Yankees: 5

UnSignpost Unleashed on UnCommunity

Unless you were blinded or high during the time you read this newspaper's title, you know that Uncyclopedia finally has UnSignpost!

For too long, Uncyclopedia has been devoid of talk page spam, such as thank you templates and welcome messages. To rectify this, Dr. Skullthumper, a local doctor and zombie specialist, and Cajek, one of the last members of the light-blue-ish species of Cajeks, have created a newspaper in the latest exercise in futility to hit the site since Forum:Count to a million.

Skullthumper and Cajek spent 15 hours working on the first edition, not including writing time. Said Skull, who was trying to sleep until we interviewed him, "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER."

News has reached us that friendships were strained during the production of the first issue. Skullthumper, whose hospital room we broke into, said "F**king Cajek. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me! Oh, see you guys in the office Monday."

The Uncyclopedia Signpost has a world-wide circulation of more than 3, with plans for further issues.

Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed

Uncyclopedia, a humor wiki that you're on right now, has thrown itself into a state of chaos and is on the verge of collapse. Unless someone either writes more or writes less, the wiki that we have come to know and love (like that retarded cousin that comes over during Christmastime) will vanish. Unless it doesn't, in which case someone's going to be very disappointed. Codeine, Save the Mooses, and a bunch of other people we've never heard of give the site 6 days to "clean up its god damned act."

Because the site is doomed, the local WikiNewspaper, UnSignpost, will soon print its last issue. Cajek, one of the editors, said of the event, "No we're not closing down you bunch a 'tards! You're the worst reporters I've ever seen! DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT IN THE FIRST ISSUE!"

Local psychics have set Uncyclopedia's Doomsday for next Monday, around teatime.

Upgrade
On Wednesday, Wikia upgraded to MediaWiki version 1.12. While these reporters don't have any idea what that means, new features seem to include:

Broken <choose> tags! That's right, even more signature-breaking action!
Russian Roulette usergroups! So you thought you had rollback rights, huh? Whoops! Not anymore!

Wikia is reportedly looking into making new features such as accidentally dumping the database for Shits and Giggles™. These reporters would like to thank Wikia for working so hard to keep our beloved wiki running, and would also like to say "FU WIKIA", preferably in caps.

Pee Review Does Goodly
UN:PR is nearly empty due to many diligent reviewers who have little else to do, and don't know how to write articles themselves. Uh, unless they're reading this right now, in which case they rock!

YesTimeToEdit starts a cult

One of the newer cults, YesTimeToEdit's Cow Moo Cult is our... CULT OF THE WEEK!

With a base located in the jungles of Nebraska, YTTE's cult makes all the fun things you want, like polygamy, sodomy, and, in YTTE'S case, polysodomy, legal. Sadly, unlike more Eastern-y cults, it does not practice Kung Fu. But you can bet that if it did, it wouldn't just use it for defense. ...Damn namby-pamby bastard Easterny cults.

YesTimeToEdit's eternal nemesis, NoTimeToRevert, has not announced plans to start a cult, but probably has one in secret just to be a dick. That guy is such a dick.

Rcmurphy nominated for Noob of the Month again
Thekillerfroggy is sucked into the black vortex of tradition as he takes another whack at a dead horse and nominates long-time noob Rcmurphy for the honor of Noob of the Month. Mr. Froggy had this to say to "reporters": "I figured that, since RCMurphy, one of the oldest members of the site, was in fact NOT a noob, that this little gesture would give the community a giggle. You see? Because he, like, isn't a noob."

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

Codeine huffed "Man With no Name" (You don't need to create redirects for every case permutation of your title)
Codeine huffed "Man with no Name" (in fact, it's quite irritating)
Codeine huffed "Man with no name" (and, frankly)
Codeine huffed "The Man with No Name" (a complete bloody waste of your time and mine)
Codeine huffed "Man with No Name" (but hey, welcome to Uncyc anyway)
Codeine huffed "The Man With No Name" (now read BGBU)
07:16, May 6, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 29 minutes ‎ (Admins are immune to autoblock, duh. And if autoblock tried that shit on a janitor, why, we'd just superblock his ass.)
14:47, May 5, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.108.96.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Jonas Brothers, eh? Sounds like some kind of shitty boy band. One week to go out and buy a Led Zeppelin album. Oh, and stop blanking.)

Biopic of the Week

Dr. Skullthumper ~ With a degree in HTML and Wikiology, Dr. Wolfgang Amadeus Milhouse Mozart Jonathan Willy Wizbang Skullthumper, along with Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, is full of all sorts of techie knowledge for the wandering newb. He enjoys walks on the beach, holding hands, and heroin. Lots and lots of heroin. ...Except replace "heroin" with "rubber duckies". Hey, we just wanted a bad-boy reputation! ...Obviously we failed.

Quote of the Week:

" very very hilariously strong against"

- Everyone on Every thing.

Spacefiller of the week:

Did you know that Grand Theft Auto has had more than 700 different spinoffs, including Grand Theft Auto:Antarctica Oscar Wilde LOLOLOLLL and Grant Theft Auto:Crime Scene Investigation:The ReReckoning:Time of Darkness? No, you didn't. Dumbass.

Disclaimer of the week:

UnSignpost is not responsible for any lost property while reading. Any lost property found while reading UnSignpost is property of Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek, irrespectively. Any lost property lost while reading UnSignpost is your own damn problem.

Week Box of the week:

Definitely the Grand Theft Auto one. I peed my pants. Seriously. Somebody should give these guys an award. I was all screamin' n' shit, "Oh yes, YES Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek! Slather me in your humor juice!" The other people in the library, and my psychiatrist, said I was weird, but it was totally worth it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:01, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Because I never got the issue. =C V G D >=3 00:51, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII

Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage

After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems.

"It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help.

After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage.

"Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia."

Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No."

When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG".

UnSignpost Releases First Issue

May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience."

Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge.

When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay."

Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals
Ever find yourself stuck awake at three in the morning (EST), fighting a few vandals with no admins around? Studies show that your choice of music might influence how you revert.

In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true.

Cajek's Corner

By Dr. Skullthumper

Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need:

Annoying text. Preferably some blinky things and <big> tags.
A sense of humor.
Something to complain about for a page or so.

Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done!
Next week: Whoring your article

Skull's Skullery

By Cajek

Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc!

9:00am: Complain about Wikia. Post new topic in Village Dump about Wikia. Troll Special:Recentchanges.
10:42am: Troll talk pages. Post new topic in Village Dump about some random techie shit. Bother some guy. Revert some guy's edits. Get some guy banned.
10:44am: spend thirty minutes on IRC talking to an admin saying how that guy was my best friend, and I never meant to hurt him.
12:10pm: Vandalize some guy's userpage over and over again.
4:92pm: Forget what I was doing. Start over.
5:19pm: Enact wild scheme to make Uncyclopedia that much weirder. End day.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

02:49, May 7, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.233.101.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Fun fact #12341: Cyberbullies have a miniature penis)
11:03, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wigger" ‎ (You people make me hate my life.)
11:04, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Lee Jorde" ‎ (I mean, seriously. I have better things I could be doing than wading through cruft. But I do it anyway.)
11:06, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Handcuffs" ‎ (Book 'im Danno!)

Biopic of the Week

Drama ~ Considered the most controversial user on Uncyclopedia evah, Klaus Drama is going strong, getting on average 50 people banned per week. Having studied acting for 40 years and written his own Dadaist version of Hamlet (entitled "moist riverbank"), Klaus has much experience making people nervous and uncomfortable. With his life-long boyfriend Jizz Rick (who demanded to be in the second issue of UnSignpost) Drama is conquering Uncyc one shouting match at a time.

Reason to Leave Uncyc of the Week

#53 Too many users leaving.

Horoscope of the Week

Scorpio ~ Expect gains and/or losses in business affairs this week. Oh, and tell that f**cker John that UnSignpost's registered horoscopologists told you he's the one stealing food from the employee fridge, and that if he doesn't stop, the writers of this horoscope will come to his house on Brickwood Lane and trash the damn place.

Reason to Leave Alternate Universe Uncyc of the Week

#97 Although the alien admins were nice at first, they're starting to lay eggs in our more important organs and eating our more favorite children.

Sympathy Biopic of the Week

Optimuschris ~ An American user born in mumble mumble, Optimuschris, author of HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, is an up-and-coming young Uncyc user, according to, like, lots of people. Whereas he was really friendly before, now, because he appeared in the UnSignpost, "OptyC" has gotten a huge ego, and refuses to "hang" with you.

Feeding Trolls of the Week:

"I actually made an account just to point out that you accuse ED for being "1000% Unfunny" for having a page for Chuck Norris when you have a link to your very own Chuck Norris page in the article. If you go through UC and just read a random article you probably aren't going to laugh no matter how hard the author tried (and failed, lulz). Encyclopedia Dramatica just wants to fill this goatse-challenging gap that you created with things that are actually funny, liek mudkipz. Plox 2 b nt hating us 4 bein funny kthxbai."

- Uncyclopedia on its rival.

Quote of the Week:

"I feel like throwing myself into the goatse challenging gap we created. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

- Mordillo on the recent Goatse gap crisis

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:43, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Elvis Sighting

I spotted Elvis on your user page, & it told me tell you on your talk page. So there you go. The SOAD Fan (Ryan C.) 21:14, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Creepy. =3 V G D >=3 21:15, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

I don't know if it means anything. But it sounds pretty cool. The SOAD Fan (Ryan C.) 21:22, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

It only means you won a 1 in 45 chance of that template popping up? V G D >=3 21:28, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Ahhh, now I want to see Elvis!! - 06:47 13 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Okay.