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Gross Moral Turpitude

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Nuns. They're asking for it.

“I was once accused of gross moral turpitude, but you know what?
I thought bugger it, and bugger them too.”

Gross moral turpitude is a medieval legalistic term which referred to "the raping of large numbers of nuns", specifically in numbers in excess of eleven at any one time. A similar act performed on eleven or fewer nuns was referred to simply as moral turpitude, having a less-strict canonical relevance.[1]

Its modern usage is mainly as an academic term to describe levels of bile in Conservapedia articles or headlines within the British newspaper Daily Mail. It is frequently used in internet chatgroups as a put-down, and by minority groups in an attempt to turn public opinion against another minority group.

Usage of the term

The distinction arose historically between finding a defining point between gross moral turpitude and moral turpitude, the names of which first appear in the 12th and 13th centuries, with a great deal of varied opinion expressed as to the matter of these distinctions. The matter would go on to dominate differences within the Catholic Church for close to a millennia, and provide one of the major issues which would lead to the formation of the Protestant movement.

A number of leading philosophers and the great minds of our era – including Bertrand Russell, Ludwig Wittgenstein and P. Diddy – have attempted to seek out the inner truth of the matter via a series of circular and self-referential pseudo-intellectual arguments. Many question that gross moral turpitude offenses may be grounds to deny or revoke a professional license such as for teaching, while no such restrictions are placed upon those seeking a career in religion or politics.

Historical

Thomas Aquinas. He was asking for it.

“You’re doing it wrong ... here, watch me.”

In his thesis List of Five Reasons Proving the Existence of God (Though to be Fair I Really Don't Need to Prove Anything, as Not Believing in God is Punishable by Death Under Order of His Catholic Holiness the Pope) Thomas Aquinas states the term "moral turpitude" should cover "all acts of baseness, vileness or depravity in the private and social duties which a man owes to his fellow man, or to society in general, contrary to the accepted and customary rule of right and duty between man and man, but those that specifically relate to acts of wanton buggery and fornication aimed towards women who have taken solemn vows committing themselves to a spiritual life".

During his study of the Lewd Acts of the Apostles and its influence on dogma within the Catholic Church, Martin Luther said gross moral turpitude is so ingrained within Church doctrine that the two are now indistinguishable.

The Father of Modern Psychology, Sigmund Freud, was a great admirer of the term "gross moral turpitude", and the phrase appeared no fewer than four hundred eighty-seven times within his collective works, only thirteen times fewer than "daddy issues" and twenty-four times fewer than "penis envy".

Uh-huh.

Modern

The term is nowadays most often heard from sanctimonious do-gooders intent on pushing their own limited worldviews in the form of questioning the ethics of a reasonable individual with whom they happen to disagree.[2]


Measurement

Although not universally used, a number of cultured observers judge the levels of moral turpitude based on the distance from their traditional heartland. The further away from the gross moral turpitude base-rate (referred to as GMT) the less cultured and right thinking national groups are likely to be. Thus Holland which is GMT+1 (a difference of 1 from the base-rate standard) is viewed as "almost English but with funny accents" whilst California is GMT-8, a more considerable difference which is reflected in the total lack of morals amongst its inhabitants. Under this criteria New Zealand is the more morally corrupt nation on Earth.

Many within the scientific community question the relevance of distance to GMT levels, with recent studies in quantum theory placing greater weight on the Heisenberg Unprincipled Principle to measure levels of gross moral turpitude. Much of the hypothesis is based on quantum superposition, and should be taken with a pinch of salt itself no bigger than a pin head, allowing adequate space for any angels jitterbugging upon it.[3]

See also

Notes

  1. Realistically there was no limit on the number of nuns involved, the only factor limiting it to finite being the stamina of "the [alleged] rapist".
  2. The phrase is used by groups on both sides of the political spectrum, but mostly by individuals emotionally unbalanced from an overdose of righteous indignation over some perceived injustice.
  3. Ibid.
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