User talk:Funnybony/archive2

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As Moses crossed, and the part in the Red Sea gradually collapsed behind him, a lone Israeli surfer enjoys the unique ride.

“ If you explode an atomic bomb inside a printing press will that produce the complete works of William Shakespeare? ”

All information less important than Surfing goes below.

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1. Archive 1

Notice of Promotion

User:Funnybony, I like having you around, because you test my limits in one direction, as others test them in different ways, and I am constantly learning give and take in our endeavors together. The end result is what we all want, which is a quality piece of humor, whatever that means. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 18:20, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews

I've moved these to your user space with comments on their respective talk pages. As is, they've been rejected for publication.

• User:Funnybony/Colossal Jelly Fish Sighted off Tahiti
• UnNews:Old Faithful quits

I have approved UnNews:Eminem Edges Out 50 Cent As Forbes Richest, and it will show up after midnight GMT. For convenience, we use GMT a lot fo avoid confusion. Cheers, and congrats on your promotion. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:34, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Zim, you're right. It took a major rewrite to fix UnNews:Old Faithful quits, and I hope it's OK now. I think the headline should be "Old Faithful quits". BTW: Now I know how you want the headlines. I went back and corrected a bunch of the recent ones. What now? It's your call? Cheers!--Funnybony    22:37, Mar 11

See articles talk page. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:13, March 12, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery By PuppyOnTheRadio For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception. Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal. Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal. A useful HowTo? does not compute! By UU Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and sucker for punishment workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement. If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages! Pruning dead wood MrN's power trip continues, and something about a usergroup Has someone taken the piss? From our logs: 00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?) 18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously)) 09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.) 22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. ) Biopic of the Week If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him? Admin answer of the Week Shijiati: Why did you huff my page? Codeine: Because it sucked. Any questions, folks? Horoscope of the Week *Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:00, Mar 12

Yo, Bone man

Hi, liked your Ancient Uncy very much. It give some good data to the readers through this often misleading haze of humour. Ya think you could take a look at "In-a-gadda-da-vida" (it can be reached by typing in 'Iron Butterfly')and give an opinion or two. I'm going to do some pruning and additions to it again (probably find a new pic for the Santa Claus image). You could offer some good insight on these guys and the song. Thanks, appreciated. Al de'chain 22:08 14 3 mmx

Hi Aleister! I went through the whole article. I was not familiar with the subject, but made the song much longer than 17 minutes because The "Dead" could take 17 minutes just to tune the bass drum, what to speak of their 6 month long jams and 15 year long solos. I fixed some spelling and little stuff. Not much to do. Except you might want to have all quotes in italics too. Man, you put a ton of work into this article - way to go!!!--Funnybony    13:10, Mar 15

Thanks! Got me laughing with the post-apoculypse (sp, I done not spelle veryi good, as yu kan c on the page you helpped on). The article was by PF4Eva when I found it, and I edited and added the 1930s storyline, put some pics in, etc. Lots of work by both he(she?) and I. Iron Butterfly actually did miss playing at Woodstock--they got as far as the NY airport, and the festival organizers promised to send a car for them, which never arrived. They waited, and finally left. If they had played there the fans they had already would have multiplied by a hundredfold, that's why I wrote "Them's the breaks", and it's "been written" that if they had played there they may have taken the Led Zepplin niche in rock music, which is why I have them in the article being picked up by a Zepplin which never arrives. The recorded song was 17 min 5 sec, on a major label, which was very long for the time. But I like your change, it makes it more relevant to the readers and is funnier. I don't know when the Dead started releasing on a major label, you've got my interest up there. Nice edits, and appreciated. On your fine article, it will be nice to vote for Ancient Uncy for highlight, and if it is featured that would flow right along with the "zen of letting be" that the article itself understands. That would blow my mind, but it's been blown for awhile. Aleistr in Chains 14:28 15 3 mmx

Your welcome, bro! Not often anybody asks advice from a 20 times VFH loser (grin). Well I agree on Ancient Uncyclopedia, that was a fluke stroke of genius based on a real sanskrit text, and also on the real founder of Uncyclopedia, although I can't nom it. But I'll vote for it too. It's almost like a "must read" for Zen Uncyclopedians (and WHO is not a zen uncyclopedian?)

To your article, the more radical the better. The Grateful Dead (who I never liked) could play one song that takes up an entire album, and for them a 17 minute studio jam was a quickie. I think where you mention "Them's the breaks" that I would have "got it" if you had written as:

"Them's the breaks (Cause if they had played Woodstock then their fans would have multiplied a hundredfold)" <--- put back like that. We should be careful in assuming that people know what we know. I wouldn't have missed it if you wrote like this.

Amazingly I never heard Iron Butterfly play - that's how fuckity fucked up I am - but a quick visit to YouTube will remedy that. And I think their YouTube VDO should be in your article so people can easily see and hear the band. Add a YouTube VDO to the page, like I did with The Yardbirds (who influenced even God).

Do a bit more stuff so people can appreciate what you're talking about. Then drop it for a day, then reread it. It's 97% there already.. only thing missing (in my opinion) is the band! - Here's a good VDO to add to your article: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bQZ6l_cq5Y - Cheers!--Funnybony    17:53, Mar 15

Good ideas. I listened to the youtube you picked and it's almost unlistenable, the guys must have played it so many times over the years that they lost quite a bit of the energy when they reached middle age. Here's one I found linked to yours, and it's very good, probably taken right from the 1968 album http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGmkM4v9AaY&feature=related. More in a second. Ok, that worked. And I'll add in the language about 'them's the breaks', thanks. I think the deal with Iron Butterfly was, as mentioned, the major label decided to put a long song on a "real" album, I think only Arlo Guthrie had the same with his Alice's Resturant. Glad to introduce you to Iron Butterfly, they were one of the icons of the era, for those who knew of them I guess, and their fame has only emerged in the last 7 or 8 years as Inagaddadevida has gotten play on various tv shows. After the pee review of Ancient I'll watch your fixes, if any, and it will get nommed, either by you, me, Rev., Doc, or someone. It's very nice work on several levels. Thanks again, Al de'chain 18:10 15 3 mmx

Sure, the VDO is much better. Having been a professional musician signed to a Major label, I know how boring it can be to play a song over and over live. First 10 times it's a blast, next 10 times it's a bore, and next 10 times it's WORK (not play). Hehe! I just grabbed the first VDO I saw, but there were lots of choices. Of course use the best one, as you already found. Ultimately we want people to "dig" the band! Cheers!--Funnybony    18:16, Mar 15

BTW here's "MY PAGE!" The Misunderstood - being an Uncyclopedia Beach Local and all.--Funnybony    18:19, Mar 15

Ok, done, the vids up with a top note to see if the stoners can find it to play as they read the page. Have seen the Misunderstood page, well done, and the psychodelic page. You, of course, left the mark you were intended to make and then were kick-assed by the oversoul to "get some enlightenment, pronto, kid". The goddess of karma had to create an entire war to get you to move, that's what it takes sometimes. On the vid, there's a second half but I'll leave that, no, just decided to put it at the bottom of the page. No use giving the readers half a loaf. Thanks again, appreciated. Al, a few minutes later

p.s. lol. For all of your help towards making a better page out of a fairly-good page, I've added Jeff Beck and another guy lying-in-state in the rotunda at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame page. Of course the page is set over a century from now, so a long time to go yet. Al, a few minutes later

Funnybony's stroked stoked!!!

--Funnybony    19:56, Mar 15

NO CHUCK NORRIS!!!! EVER!!!

NO CHUCK NORRIS!!!! EVER!!!

Just checking to see if you're paying attention. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 08:41, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Ghad! Zim! Right, then! Cheers!--Funnybony    10:51, Mar 17

Cheers! • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 12:18 • Wednesday, 17-03-2010

101 on whoring articles

You need to be funny when you do it. If you are funny you can get away with anything. If it's obvious that you are just advertising your article people don't think it's cool. EVERYONE wants someone to edit their article. That's the best part of Uncyc. You need to learn to be a bit more creative... ;) Take a good look around BHOP and the Village dump to get a feel for what goes on before starting your own forum. Make a few comments in other forums first, and get up to speed on what goes down. Trust me, you are glad I huffed your first effort there.  ;) MrN 10:45, Mar 18

Hey Dude!! Sure! I am glad! I don't want to screw-up. It's good that someone is looking out for me. I'll check it out first more. It looks inviting. BTW: A whore is one who takes money for sex. So next time I'll give a link to my PayPal acct. *grin* You cool! Cheers!--Funnybony    10:55, Mar 18

Is that what a "whore" is? You must be new around here... :P Around here a whore is someone who advertises their articles without making people laugh. Has been for all time, that's not a new term I just used for you, it's just the term we use here on Uncyc. It's just like I have been trying to tell you for ages... You have to put a bit of effort into finding out about this stuff so that you know what you are doing more, and later can have more fun. Just like pretending to be interested in what the hot blond has to say so that you can get into her pants later. ;) Don't just check out BHOP. check out Forum:Village Dump also. That's how you find out a lot of current stuff. MrN 11:02, Mar 18

Oh dude! So whore is also a Uncyclopedia jargon cyber-speak. Cool. So lets see what are the top 10 most used (not in order):

• Whore
• HTBFANJS
• Meme -- Not Uncyc specific.
• Noob -- Not Uncyc specific.
• VFD
• VFH
• HTBFANJS
• Huff
• Pee
• Sysop -- Not Uncyc specific.
• Admin -- Not Uncyc specific.
• FA
• Spork -- Not Uncyc specific.
• HTBFANJS
• Nom
• QVFD
• ICU
• BHOP
• VF
• BGBU
• UN:AA
• HTBFANJS
• CM
• VAIN
• CBN
• HTBFANJS
• BP
• W
• N
• HTBFANJS
• UN:VD
• PEEING
• VFS
• HTBFANJS
• Cabal - (Does not exist)

Where am I wrong in the top 12? Stay cool. I sent U email. BTW: My book you downloaded is not to print out. It's for viewing in color on the PC. If you like a hard copy the I'll send you by book post. But you can see the exact copy as eBook pdf on you computer. Cheers!--Funnybony    11:13, Mar 18

• tbc...

Most of those are not actually Uncyc specific. More just general internet speak. I guess FA, Pee. VFD and VFH would be Uncyc specific QVFD would be similar to those as would all the things linked from the template at the bottom of the WotM, UotM, and NotM pages. Look at all those different pages and look at what the shortcuts are... Thing is... You are trying to write an article about being a Uncyc local... But... You probably should not be. We have lots of Uncyc related articles already. As you are not a master of uncyc inside jokes currently you are going to struggle with this. My suggestion would be for you to concentrate on writing quality UnNews articles about actual real news stories. Not made up stuff, and not Uncyc inside humour. People are kinda sick of that. Why don't you do an UnNews about all this internet censorship which is going on of late? There is lots about it on the net currently. Why not do an unnews about what is going on in Thailand right now? Write UnNews... Hang out around the VD and BHOP more... ;) If you get an idea for a new article... Read HTBFANJS again first before you start it! I'm serious. Oh, Cajek wrote Serious. Seriously. ;) MrN 11:24, Mar 18

Right! I'm not going to use them, I just want to know them. My Ancient Uncyclopedia is just a 'future prediction' article, complete in itself, not an insider Uncyclopedia article. People won't need to know anything to read that, because it's all self-explanatory. I'm glad I got that Pee Review, and I'm happy with the article. But no plans to Nom it, unless someone else does. It's just there, and I hope it stays there. The only lasting value here is having a page which sticks, either news or article. If it stays then all was not a waste of time. Still, cyber-space is a pretty fickle platform to invest much energy as I have been doing. In the blink of an eye it can disappear, unless it's printed on paper. Then again, printed or written books are also not immune from disappearing, such as the case of the Mayan literature, and censorship in general throughout the ages. Just as long as they burn the books and NOT the authors. Because EVERYTHING is useless if one is dead. So the only lasting value IS life, as the forms which constantly rise and fall in the material energy (maya) are not a permanent reality. And without life those forms can not keep changing. Just like electricity makes all electric things work, otherwise, they're no better than a dead cell phone.

I have another made up UnNews I hope people will like - already written. And I'll see if it sticks tonight. Then I'll just do real news as you advise. Cheers, dude!--Funnybony    15:26, Mar 18

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins By UU As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates. Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. By PuppyOnTheRadio The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include: Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed Telling writers that they should really be working on IC Going insane with power (optional) The relevant applicant will have: Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March. A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred) This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head gets sick of it retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation. To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages! UnNews is revolting! Shit happens Bandwagons also happen, inevitably Oh noes, Aussie lawyers - could we be DOOMED? Opinions required From our logs: 08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?) 18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis) 00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153) 12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...) Biopic of the Week We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation. Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film. Reason to leave Uncyc #341 Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower. Obligatory Filler Box of the Week When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute! Horoscope of the Week Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:45, Mar 18

Oh Man! Is this funny. Specially "From our logs:" --- yeaaaah! I would like to see: "1 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.101.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of 12 life times ‎ (April Fool: do hold your breath, you'll be unblocked sooner!)" --Funnybony    16:49, Mar 18

Is this you?

This.. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 16:23 • Thursday,

I'm MrN's sock puppet - it's him. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:33, Mar 18

You look like my father - I mean MrN, he looks like my father. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 16:58 • Thursday, 18-03-2010

I agree with you. He looks like my father too--Funnybony    17:01, Mar 18

I am your father Luke, I mean Fredd. Darth Pater 19:04 19 3 mmx

Read Ancient

A good read, and contains many kernels of data within the lines. The Sutras and related teachings are a fun topic to parody. It's very in-house, more than I thought when I first read it and looked for the spiritual data more than the jokes. Chron is honored as a God, and could also be seen as a fallen greedy God for selling his creation to a passing vendor. Rub his belly for luck. Other topic, I put Inagaddadavida on VFH and mentioned your assistance, you pushed it over the top with your edits and ideas. Thanks. Al de'chain 19:09 19 3 mmx

About your mom

I know you're nommed for ‎that picture thing, but I don't know if I've seen any of your pics. Where are they? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:42, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Dude! I'm not sure what potato chopper award is. But I don't think it's for pictures. My guess is it's for chopping a lot of potatos. All my potatos are on my user page. Stay cool!!--Funnybony    16:22, Mar 20

OH! Yeah! Now I understand. The picture referred to is UnNews:Massive Earthquake, Giant Sink Hole Swallows Chile. Cheers!--Funnybony    17:31, Mar 20

But the award is actually for all of your choppings, potatoes and pictures. You can chop either with your eyes closed, one hand tied-behind your back, and your other hand opening your eyes just a little. Al de'chain nine minutes later

Hey! That sounds like a new Yoga posture, viz., Uncyclopedia-asan--Funnybony    18:27, Mar 20

Umm...the only images I see on your user page are a Jeff Beck video, the back of Alfred E. Neuman's head, and a couple adopt-a-noob images. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:13, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

When doust tryth least thent thy riches appearsth unbidden

In the UnLikely event that In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida finds refuge on the main page you, PF4Eva, and myself will each receive 1/2 of a feature credit, for you did the last heavy lifting and shoved it over the gates to uncyclopedia paradise. I passed this by the great heights and received the word from on high. We shallth not counteth our chickens beforth they hatcheth, yetteth the signseth seem fair wind. Alleh yon chain 00:45 22 3 mmx

Gulp!--Funnybony    00:55, Mar 22

A few UnNews Titles coming up

"FED goes public with IPO" and "Pentagon AWOL!" OR "Alien abducted by earthlings" OR "Trump buys Brooklyn Bridge" or "FED holds dollar clearance sale - 99% off" - " or "Fort Knox robbed - nothing to steal" OR "MailOrder sacrificial virgin in volcano scam busted" - Hehe!!--Funnybony    00:55, Mar 22

Featured

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida will be featured in about 3 hours. We all get 1/2 credit, you, myself, and PF4Eva. Thanks again for your great help in getting it in shape to leap onto the front page and hang on there for a day or so. Yay all of us! Al en'chain 20:56 22 3 mmx

Three people each get one half credit. Uncyclopedia sucks at math. (Seriously, congratulations!). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:11, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, I'll take a piece of that! You pulled off the impossibly possible. Yeah!!!--Funnybony    21:27, Mar 22

Put this anywhere you want to. Yay. Al :22 23 3 mmx

Featured Article: In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?!

---

You, sir, rock!

A personal thank you. Chers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 16:38, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I hope you know I'm a Sock Puppet of MrN. And he's mighty pleased to get it! Cheers!--Funnybony    16:58, Mar 23

About Reviewing (and some other things

I'm glad that you choose to stick to what you believe and what you think is funny. An your right, people have different senses of humor. After reading what you wrote on my page, I would like to point something out; Pee Review is for people to put their article to be chack and see what they can improve on. It isn't a place where people bash people for the article not being funny or a thing that tells you what to do. It where people can state their opinions, and eveybody has their own opinion. For example, I dad an article that has been reviewed twice, and both reviewe had their own opinion.

I do not know if you knew that or not, but I like to point that out for future reference. As for the aricle, the least youcan do is fix the spelling errors and epand on the sections, and work on the tone (I've been bothered by Chiefjustice as well as other reviewers about this problem many times, so nowawday I use this to avoid users from don the same mistake.) ALso, after looking at PotM, I find out you do photoshopping. I never knew that.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Dude! I made about 30 edits from your review. That's pretty successful result! Consider it a work in progress. But I do want to make this thing out as worse than alien, for real. I mean, it looks like face-hugger, it's toxin is worse than anything, and you can't touch, eat or fuck it. So I say demonize! There is nothing alive on earth so bad as this Arse hole!. But I removed "Jerk" even it's the biggest goddamn jerk alive. HeHe!!!--Funnybony    02:24, Mar 24

Cool dude. Glad you making progress--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:04, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Today's UnNews is a SPECIAL SASQUATCH EDITION

	Happy Sasquatch Appreciation Day! A traditional Sasquatch blessing
	March 24 is Sasquatch Appreciation Day, as decreed by Reverend zim_ulator. Please join me in celebration of the noble Sasquatch and his innumerable contributions to Uncyclopedia.

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 22:44, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Noriega

A very good article, I like the greedy grandson angle. I would vote for this for VFH. The Noriega case has interested me because he is under a 19-year old gag order. The old-killing-machine of George Bush did its best to kill him during his "arrest",and in the process murdered 1,000 plus civilians, simply too, imnho, stop him from talking about the Bush-Noriega drug laundering and complicit agreements before Noriega 'got uppity' and wanted a bigger cut of the Panama Canal money. Anyway, nice page. And an addition for your consideration, to the Obama line which ends the article, something like "unless Obama wants his cut of the drugs and cash too." Al en'change 12:31 27 3 mmx

Bro! Good one! Of course he's going to bribe the president. What else? Got it! Cheers!--Funnybony    13:46, Mar 27

How about YOUR LINE: George Bush did his best to kill him during "incarceration", and in the process 1,000 plus inmates were murdered!--Funnybony    13:46, Mar 27

Template:RecentUnNews

You have not just used an illustration that is wider than recommended, but you have changed the recommendation. You should get more opinions before doing that. I don't have an opinion, but guess that the old recommendation was 120px because the illustration doesn't just appear on the preview you see when editing it; it also appears on the Uncyclopedia home page, in one column in a two-column presentation, where it wants to take up less than half of that column, and where the user could conceivably have only 640px to work with. That might be why the old recommendation was so small. Ask around.

Oh that was not intentional. I don't want to change anything. But it always seemed to be set at 150 so I got mixed up. I hope you fixed it. God knows!--Funnybony    19:28, Mar 28

Separately, I broadcast your predatory choirboy story on UnNews Audio, the second test of the new analog-mixer-and-echo-box setup. Had to cut it way back for broadcast, though. Spıke ¬ 19:15 28-Mar-10

Yeah! That was funny and I loved the typing in the back ground. And I heard your voice. Gosh, you must be 'Merican, like me. I was wondering where you were to figure your time. I'm in Thailand and it's 2 am - we're about 14-15 hours ahead of you, which means WE live in the future! Seriously, I hope you do a lot more of those audios... they're fun (and hard to do well, I bet!). Cheers--Funnybony    19:28, Mar 28

I did not change 150 back to 120, because I don't know why it was 120. All I'm saying is that there might be a reason, and you might oughta find out what it is. Zim is not that up on the technical underpinnings of UnNews, but he will surely know who does know.

Just recently branched out to broadcast stuff written by other people--you're the fourth. The more you evolve from pulling stories out of a bodily orifice toward excellent twists of actual news, the more suitable for broadcast it is.

You evidently found out where I am, probably from my talk user page; you can find out more about the "typing in the background" and how I seem to avoid ever flubbing my lines, in User:SPIKE/UnNews#Audio, and you can see your name in lights at UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Other writers whose stuff got broadcast. Spıke ¬ 19:44 28-Mar-10

COOL!!! Dude! I was pulling world-classic psychedelic award-winning popular music songs "out of a bodily orifice" long before you were born. And when you EVER make it that far in life, then you can be genuinely proud. If you had any idea how many groups, and websites, businesses, employees, clients, books, articles, schools, music I have created you would not even believe it humanely possible. The Wikipedia page on me personally has over 50 notable references. And I still find time to play Kids Wikipedia Uncyclopedia. I'm also a real-live Wikipedian with over 12,000 edits and 20+ (notable, referenced) articles on Wikipedia dating back ages before Uncyclopedia existed. Wikipedia started with my band in. Did you really intern on Wikipedia? What have you ACCOMPLISHED in this life? Is there a Wikipedia page on you? Why not? I remember in India, it was so funny, even the "bhangees" (street-sweepers) were arrogant in "their own little world" Amazing!

I'm not sure if you're on east or west coast or in between. USA covers a few time zones so still not sure what time your on. My handy iPhone can tell exactly what time your on if it has more info. Cheers!--Funnybony    20:17, Mar 28

It's right there, under "interned on Wikipedia": New Hampshire, UTC-4 through the summer. "Interned" merely means spent a year there before coming here; I did not make coffee for Jimbo Wales. Wikipedia:Manchester Millrats is the only article there that I maintain any more. Spıke ¬ 20:31 28-Mar-10

HTBAFANJACF

Congratulations for helping to prove that VFH can take shit just as well as they dish it out

You may get a winner’s bottle of Cyber-Soma

“Oh! Ha-ha! That’s our OTHER sand-box – for the kids, so they won't bother us with their unreferenced & non-notable crap!”

~ Wikipedia on Uncyclopedia

Congratulations for helping to prove that VFH can take shit just as well as they dish it out. They’re no arrogant hypocrites! And they’re NOT Drab “content freaks,” or a toy Wikipedia for kids - are they? Or is HTBAFANJACF true! Is VFH like Apple without Steve Jobs?

Consider carefully: If you vote FOR this article then you're a hipster, and that's pretty damn cool! But if you vote against it, then you simply PROVE IT TO ALL BE TRUE. Which makes you a witless geek!

• By Nom or Vote for HTBAFANJACF

Signed: Heidi Fleiss (on behalf of all my girls, boys, and those mixed-up things)

A REAL Wikipedian wrote this.

What Uncyclopedia call "feature article" Wikipedia would call "speedy deletion!" ---Funnybony states the obvious.Funnybony    00:10, Mar 29

A very detailed page, longish with content and links and all the stuff any Uncy user would want to find in their Christmas stocking (along with scorpions if you don't shake them out). And thank you for the Soma, an article I've always liked. If my memory is correct, is Psychedelic Music in good shape? Have you considered nomming it? (I'm speaking from ignorance, maybe it's already been nommed, or maybe it's been huffed since I looked last, or maybe it's ascended into heaven already without a word to anyone) From what I recall from reading it, the page gave me a good education about the times and the music. Enjoy the next wave! Aleister in Chains 15:14 29 3 mmx

Well, maybe not, it's very listy (something some uncyians detest), but the data within the lists is very educational and "in" knowledge. Al a few minutes later

Dude! I think that page is hopeless for VFH - unless the hipsters vastly outnumber the geeks (Yeah, right!). But its a good article, and is indeed IN humor, if not absurdly funny. Soma rocks, unless the reader is a geek, and can't relate to psychedelic funny. My articles will never make it until the geeks get hip (which is impossible), and they stop pretending this is kids-play Wikipedia (where they are NOT allowed).

Uncyclopedia is where the Adults come to play Hipsters (like you). But on VFH you have two choices, 1) Copy Wikipedia drab long-winded content style, or 2) have a shit load of friends. That's my opinion. And I have 12,000 edits on Wikipedia and 20 articles. The only reason I'm not a Wiki Sysop is cause I'm too damn busy to take more fixed responsibility like that. I run 4 groups and 20 heavy websites with thousands of people. But because of cool cats like you I'm having fun here, and you can count me in!

The only super article I ever wrote is HTBAFANJACF, which I could even get published on Wikipedia (if I add a few references, or added it ALL to the Uncyclopedia page on Wiki), but THIS is the one I want to parody, a parody of VFH. If they vote FOR then it wins. If they vote NO, then it still wins! Hehehe!!!--Funnybony    15:50, Mar 29

HTBAFANJACF is very good, and if I didn't have someone else's page nommed and want to nom my "Sideboob" next, I'd put it up. Has it been reviewed, if so you can nom it. -- Yes, the psymusic page and Soma are very good, and if I was suddenly named King of the Internet you'd have quite few features now. --- My wikipedia work has been very fun and it's nice to share data with the world-of-readers. I don't want to link any here, as that would give away my real life identity or at least point the way there, and my fellow House of Lord members would not like that (or is it the NASCAR Hall of Fame I'm a member of, I keep getting those confused). It does surprise me that more people aren't writing quality stuff here, maybe the fact that it is a fun "adult playground" (as was Tim Leary's living room) is a well-kept secret from almost everyone. That would be a really good angle, imnho, to publicize the site, or to obtain more news coverage of Uncy. ---Took a quick glance at the wiki page you linked and will read it later. Your combination of consciousness and designer of fine jewel-work melds well, and then you share the knowledge. All around gains for everyone. Okay, get HTBWHATEVER "up" to VFH and let the show begin! Al en'chain 16:14 29 3 mmx

Sick of Wikipedia's Sandbox? Tired of geeky sysops? Fed-up with drab, factual, referenced, and notable content? If so, come play in Uncyclopedia's sand box. Join the FUN! Al, Your right! What a great selling angle! THAT would make a good article to go with HTBAFANJACF or stand alone, like HTBAFANJACF -- an insider parody of both HTBFANJS and VFH. I don't want any PEE on this baby. HTBAFANJACF PEES on Pee. Cause I don't want some OTHER guy, without 1% of my creative fame, imposing his personal style. But, you or any of my friends here (and lovely, fellow Wikipedians like you (Slap on the back-whap!), are WELCOME to edit and make it EVEN better. YEAH!!! A Parody of parody, that's HTBAFANJACF.

etc

Ok, my "other person" nom (I like to balance my own page noms with nomming someone else's) will make feature, so I'll be honored, proud, and bored to nom yours. An idea, have you thought of naming in "HowTo:Be. . ." so it fits into the HowTo framework? Let me know if you want to rename it or not, and then I'll pop it on the page. Wheeeeeeeee! Al, a few minutes later.

Dude! Don't nom your own page. I (and many others) know how good you are. The only thing the last FA was originally missing was the actual visual and audio BAND, to kick their arse! And THAT became the featured starting point (I noticed). You have loads of friends here. And Noming your page, although not a sure winner, due to geeko-toxin, is a SURE NOM. I'll Nom any article you say, "fuck 'em if they can't take a Nom!" Your Wiki Bro.--Funnybony    16:40, Mar 29

Thank you, makes me feel all warm inside. Wait a sec, that's just my dog throwing up in my mouth again. Appreciated. The next nom I'm looking at is Sideboob, if you're serious (but only if you really like it, and, as they say on the nom page, find it "excellent". The pics are there for show, the real fun was the writing of the page). I've asked Hiatus to give a review of it so I can get a woman comic-writer-uncy-user to scan it from her point of view. Thanks for the thought. Have you decided, I haven't looked, is your page "HowTo" or "How to" How to sign my name in uncyish: Al en'dog goo 17:47 29 3 mmx

Bro! is HTBFANJS a "HowTo" page? If so then yes, please. If not then no thanks. Hey, can you see my email from inside? Please send me your email so we can speak off the record. 'Why' and 'MrN' also have my email. BTW: I'm over here in The BIG MANGO. There is nothing more easy nor more difficult than meeting up with me here. Hehehe! cheers.--Funnybony    18:00, Mar 29 18:00, March 29, 2010 (UTC)

Damn, your page is already going down for the count (Get up, get up off the mat Rocky!!!) on VFH. But it's only the first round. I'll do the email thing sometime soon. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to nom. Al en'chainy 21:25 29 3 mmx

Nah! It wins either way. Either THEY lose or IT wins. Parody is a lot easier to dish out than it is to eat! HAAA--Funnybony    21:31, Mar 29

Al, if a Muslim, or Hindu started to read the Uncyclopedia pages on their "religions" they would say EXACTLY the same as the NAY sayers on VFH. They can't even see how they are doing exactly what they hate. But this time on the receiving end!

Have you read through Talk:Gay Jesus? There was a great go-around with a christian who didn't like DrStrange's take on Jesus that went on for several days. That was fun. As for parody, if Uncy users can't recognize parody when they see it, Jah help us! Al later that day

Oh Jesus! Jesus & Moses came to a Par 3. Joe pulls out a 6 iron, but Mo advises he better use a 5 iron. Joe says, "No way! I saw Tiger Woods play this hole, and he used a 6 iron!" So Joe hits his ball right into a water trap. Disgusted he throws down his club, and walks on top of the water to get his ball. Another player runs up to Mo and says, "Waaa!? Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?" Moses replies, "No, he thinks he's Tiger Woods!"--Funnybony    22:00, Mar 29

Hey, the INTRO quote and first para were too heavy and gave away the gig. So I fixed that. Those no voters never even read past the 1st para. That's how biased!--Funnybony    22:13, Mar 29

Nice writing. There is no way to know how much of the page a particular person has read, but I think if someone reads the entire article they get a great deal of useful data as well as alot of laughs. Speaking of nice writing, have you seen my new HowTo:Blow a dog? This is a true story which I wrote after my research was complete. Al en'chains 20:27 30 3 (First day of the 7TeV collisions at CERN! Yay!) MMX

Dude! Thanks. Sure I have no idea who read what. But I know that I made three mistakes in the intro that caused a bad start, i.e., 1) was rude and vulgar (in 1st quote), and 2) gave away the end in the beginning (in the now deleted 2nd quote), and three 3) teased VFH too soon and too hard. All these have been fixed throughout, but it's probably too late once a "feeding frenzy" starts. And if it is then I'll add this experience as 'more leasons" in HTBAFANJACF. Now I'm off to blow a dog read your absurdly titled article. Congrats on the title! BTW: I once asked a dog, "Can you talk?" It replied, "Hell, no!" Cheers!--Funnybony    20:50, Mar 30

• Check the New Addition:

AIDS

HowTo:Make a bad start on VFH? - 1) Be rude and vulgar in 1st quote, 2) gave away the end in the beginning in the 2nd quote, 3) tease VFH too soon and too hard in the 3rd quote, and 4) start with 3 quotes. It's probably too late to repair once a "feeding frenzy" starts.

HowTo:Blow a dog

I changed it around so now it's not totally obvious that the narrator actually has oral sex with dogs but that he may be blowdrying them. It only took a few shifts to get to that point. Now it is sophmoric humour aiming to be junior humour. --- As for your nommed page, hopefully it will pick up as the days go by. Maybe it has to sink in with people, and it is a loooooong read and takes time to digest. Much like blowing a dog, the process only starts when the eyes adjust to the dimming of the lights. Al de'blowin'canine 23:17 30 3 mmx

HTBAFANJACF

Hey - I like this but it's waaaay to in-jokey to be a feature, but without it being in-jokey I wouldn't think it was as funny. That is the real reason for the comment as opposed to a vote either for or against.

On an unrelated topic, I've been thinking about the reverse speech stuff in Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven (which also works in cover versions) and in Pink's Empty Spaces. What are your thoughts on the whole reverse speech in songs thingy? Ritter Generaloberst CPT PuppyOnTheRadio GUN WotM UotM RotM NotM VFH CM ΥΣΣ Wednesday, 01:29, Mar 31 2010 UTC

(CTU) xmm 3 13 94:1 sniahC ni retsielA .esac yna ni snomed owt esoht fo eno ,atnaS ro ,nataS dneirf ym si yppuP ,sey,lived eht ylsuoivbo si oidaR eht no yppuP

YEAH!!! Reverse hidden message in music, like Mega-death played backwards, "Jesus loves you, you goddamn fool!" I never ever knew if it was a real thing, as my band was the first (before Beatles) to record a song and then run it backwards in our "I'm Not Talkin' (UK) intro. But the only message we had was, "Hey! Find your OWN freakin' candy man!" If you ever want to HEAR that song just look up The Misunderstood on Wiki and play the sample. But, man, could you have fun with that subject. Cheers!--Funnybony    02:44, Mar 31

Hey, it wasn't until yesterday that I bothered to click on the links to your wikipedia articles and found out what you do/did. Pretty damn impressive. Just also like to point out that the word "hipster" has a completely different meaning today than in the 60's, when it just meant "cool people", now it means "pretentious prick who pretends to like art, poetry and bands that nobody has ever heard of". As for you article, weeeeeeelll, I'm ashamed to say I've only read the first two paragraphs, because it's so damn long. =( I don't know if I'll vote for it yet, because, you know, the content freak thing and all, but we'll see.... ~ 11:34, Mar 31, 2010

Rad! I had no idea the Hipster meaning had changed from "Cool" into asshole. Kinda like "Bad" meaning. But you know what I mean, so what's the best 'NOW' word for opposite of geek?-- Yeah, that article is 20 pages of of funny examples. And a parody, jibes and all, is never to be taken seriously Hehe!--Funnybony    11:43, Mar 31

Featureville

Hey, someone nominated the HowTo:Blow a dog page you read yesterday. Since you read it I took out the "in the mouth" stuff so the article wasn't blatant. So get on your shoes and go vote for it, esp. after reading Forum:Uncyclopedia is NOT the worst that the same user put up, and which, I think, would pertain to your article as well. Doggy style 12:41 31 3 mmx

Please respect your fellow authors

Necropaxx put Why?:Do I need to provide this? up for Pee Review. That means he really wanted to get a Pee Review.

You wrote: Wow! Unique! Do we really need to screw this up review this? I'm ready to Nom it. OK?--Funnybony 20:17, Mar 30

He wrote: Hey, thanks! But, I'd really like to get a review first, if that's alright. Perfectionism, you know how it is. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 20:29, Mar 30 2010

Sorry, dude! I didn't even see your reply because I never went back afterwards. But somehow I thought if an article already had a Pee Review then it was OK to Nom it. I read it two times, with a view to possibly doing my duty by writing a review, but after enjoying it, and finding nothing wrong, I just assumed a Nom was next. Maybe you should pull it from the VFH and get a 2nd Pee Review --- But that article is so carefully crafted and smart that I couldn't review it but with a 10. Cheers!--Funnybony    21:02, Mar 31 21:02, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

In the future, if you ask someone's opinion on whether or not they want you to do something, please wait to get their opinion before you do it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:13, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Then you did this: For. Funnybony 20:34, Mar 30 20:34, March 30, 2010 (UTC)

Necropaxx is a very nice guy, and if he comments on what you did, he'll probably say something like "it's no big deal," or "that's OK," or some such even if it does bother him. But please, in the future, respect an author's wishes. Personally, I would be very pissed if you did this to one of my articles. Thanks for listening. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:52, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Humm? I thought the idea was to Nom good articles. Maybe there should be a LAW: NEVER NOM A PEE REVIEW ENTRY - or DON'T NOM THIS! Then it would never have happened. Anyway, it's like you help an old man across the street and then he punches you in the stomach. Great article it is! If it can be greater then that's beyond me. It's just a misunderstanding because I STILL have not seen his reply as I never went back to his PEE entry. I know I ripped you guys off for a million dollars each and murdered you parents... so you have a right to be cross.--Funnybony    21:12, Mar 31

Funnybony, if I were an old man and you grabbed my arm and dragged me across the street without waiting to see if I wanted to cross the street, I'd be pissed at that too. You might want to give yourself some time to back away from this and think about it calmly. I waited a while before I made my post so I'd be calm. I'm not saying your intentions were bad; I'm saying if someone puts up an article for Pee Review, don't nom it until 1) the Pee Review's completed and 2) the author's had time to work on it. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  21:18, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Hi Why, were you REALLY pissed-off? Were you upset? Angry? Over a parody web site? Are you the person who sent me a nice email? Or am I confused? Anyway, getting upset is loss of control, not gain of control. Repent sinner! (grin). Cheers!--Funnybony    21:44, Mar 31

I think there is an important point here: yes please respect an authors wishes if he wants the review before the article is put on VFH, however there is no rule about nomming articles that are on the Pee review list, as an editor Funnybony has a right to nom any article for VFH, so let's kick those 2 rules in the head. Funnybony please just bear in mind what an author wants in future and we will move ever closer to the utopian vision of a wiki that I dream of every night. --ChiefjusticeDS 21:24, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

A-men, A-women, A-shemales, and you fuckin' A! My Noob teacher advised me to Nom good articles as a practice. But I must admit I'm very gun-shy now, even though my last Nom got FA. Somehow I had the crazy deranged idea that people wanted their articles nominated. Imagine my foolishness. Goodness-gracious. How bloody daft! Cheers!--Funnybony    21:44, Mar 31

AGH! You guys! It's no big deal! Funnybony, don't be gun shy! You nom anything you want! But just remember it would be polite to review as well. But really! You guys! Chillax, yo! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 22:09, Mar 31 2010

As I said on VFH, "I stated my opinion; I'll shut up now. Thanks for listening." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  22:17, March 31, 2010 (UTC)

Nec, I did review it. I read it 2 times looking to review. But all I could come up with was a 10. So I guess I could still review it and give it a 10, with section comments like, "excellent", "perfect", etc = 10. But that would have been a waste of time. Like bargaining price with a Pakistani just to come back to the starting point, which was 10. Cheers!--Funnybony    22:21, Mar 31

Oh, thanks! I knew I was good, but not that good... --SIR Pretentious Loser (Have a mocha cappuccino and a sit down) 00:33, April 1, 2010 (UTC)

Dude! I don't know how good you are. But I know how good your article is. And a review by me would just be an explanation of WHY WHY is a 10...leading to a Nom. But maybe you want help from a real expert, although I can't see any need for help. Hope it gets featured! Cheers!--Funnybony    00:46, Apr 1

The End is Near, and Congrats!

Some people just don't get you, man. But your opus page is valued by those of us who do, so thanks for putting so much time into it in order that we could have it for reference, entertainment, and insight. Yay! And congrats on the potatochopper award, well deserved. Al (and thanks for your doggy-style vote!) 15:19 1 4 mmx

Al, thanks a mil. Actually HTBAFANJACF is a 21 pages manual that show cases my humor, and how I cover ALL the bases in HTBFANJS. It really shouldn't be an article any more than HTBSANJF or any other long thing. Most people have never got me, except a few, but my music my art is still a success. My designs sell well, and even Psych music which appeals to so few, still The Misunderstood MySpace music page has 5300 fans who took almost 60,000 song plays. But out of 6 billion, it's not many, hehe!!!

For the Photoshop award I'm really feeling like Santa is coming. But, to be truthful, that opening pic in your Dog article beats ALL my pics hands down. Harhar!! So you're just giving it away (hehe!) - and I'll take any bone prize I can get. Like the 1996 Benjamin Franklin Award from the PMA (Publishers Marketing Association) was not too shabby (grin!).

It's really nice to hear that some people appreciate my stuff as much as I appreciate their goodies. And I'd much rather be a reference guide that's funny, than to get an FA. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:36, Apr 1

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:49, Apr 2 2010 UTC

Thanks!

Thanks for your vote and kind words about blowing this dog. Try it, you may like it. When a dog really gets blown well it damn sure stays blown, that's what I say (and is actually our family motto). Yo, I'll be taking a few days vacation starting later on today, well needed and hopefully well experienced. Keep on excelling and fighting off the naysayers, and I'll come back next week to fight alongside you once again, storming the breach, taking the high ground (that especially) then. Al en'chainy 12:15 2 4 mmx

UnNews:Apple unveils millions of apps for iApp device

Now featured in the 1 spot in under one minute. I needed an alternative to the tasteless, offensive, and funny mostly to our elementary-school cohort, "Jesus cums for Good Friday." Spıke ¬ 00:06 3-Apr-10

Hi Spike! Yes! I thought that Jesus cums quite lame. Your doing and good bananced job with unnews. And I even voted for you because you're an amazingly consistent and smart cat! Count me as your friends--Funnybony    00:25, Apr 3

Mutaween

Spike! When I did the Saudi story it made me look into these religious police (above named) so I did an article trying to follow all the rules. But it's quite a horrible subject. Can you take a look with opinion? It's not insider nor long winded. Am I on the right track? Thanks Dude!--Funnybony    00:28, Apr 3

One thing about the Saudi story, apart from the fact that the infraction could be mere possession of a pack of Tarot cards, I don't see any other jokes! You'll note that, even though From the Chief exhorts reporters to write a gripping lead paragraph, no one does, and I have been assembling lead paragraphs from throughout the article. The Saudi story does read like news and has a good lead, but I had to go deeper in the article to include the only joke I could find.

I passed over Sacrificial-virgin-in-volcano based on better alternatives and that it read like an article rather than an UnNews. I almost went in and edited your sources. The source you gave was from 2006, as I recall. You shouldn't make Sources a part of the joke or modify them; they are the reader's out from the joke, a chance to go back to reality to find out what inspired the joke. My recent one on airport security is pretty useless without reading the AP wire and finding out that the essence is true. In addition, there is the story about the guy walking on the edge of the volcano at dawn (alcoholic beverages a factor?!) and falling in. Spıke ¬ 00:45 3-Apr-10

Regarding Mutaween: Plenty funny, but two things get in the way of humor: (1) You want to Make a Social Statement, and (2) You really want me to read all your stuff. Anyway. In the intro, the only thing that jumped out is "horrifying" and "The insane idea"--You are drawing conclusions for your reader--lead him to them and let him do it himself. Section 5.3, of course, could now become a link to the published UnNews story. On Sections 8 and 9, do you think you are on Wikipedia? Spıke ¬ 00:45 3-Apr-10

Spike! Great, dude! That's exactly what I wanted to hear. And I made all the changes ++. And, do I want you to read my story? OF COURSE! When I was in the band we had to have a listener..otherwise it's one hand clapping. So, I admit to my evil desire for you or anyone, but specially you, to take a look at some of my things. Much appreciated--Funnybony    04:53, Apr 3

Hyphens and commas

You're sometimes still not doing the double-hyphen thing after the dateline. The iApp story had one em-dash and one hyphen. A previous story had just had an em-dash. Zim had said this makes the podcast throw up, although he has also said the podcast is currently broken. I fixed that and put a comma before "which" in several places. Spıke ¬ 12:18 3-Apr-10

Dude! You way overestimate me. I have no idea what is a "em-dash". What I thought was a "--" was correct. Don't know how it was otherwise, except my carelessness. "--" is right, right? Cheers--Funnybony    00:47, Apr 4

I see you put a comma before which in the first paragraph of the Nude Walk story, surely based on the above. And you see I rewrote the entire sentence because it didn't sound right. So I must tell you the whole story.

---

Non-restrictive clause gives additional information:

• I want the red gum-ball, which will be cinnamon.

"Which" is preceded by a comma. You didn't do so in the iApp story, so it read like the following:

Restrictive clause limits the possibilities:

• I want the red gum-ball which is on the left.

The last five words of this serve to limit your gum-ball selection. If it had a comma in front of it, it wouldn't. It would be non-restrictive. But in this case, always change "which" to "that"--as I did in today's story. Spıke ¬ 00:58 4-Apr-10

GREAT! Dude! Much better intro. I'm never my best as a "one-man-show", that's why I was in a band, and not a solo singer or song-writer. Thanks--Funnybony    01:05, Apr 4

UnNews:Erykah Badu faces death for nude walk in Mecca

I gave this the two-spot for one reason: No one else wrote anything. I think you are spending too much time trying to Raise Public Awareness on the Mutaween or Weetabix or whatever they are, and not enough being funny. I tightened up the bit about choosing the death sentence because we are a free country. And, once again, I reverted the title of your Source to the real title--Playing this straight lets users, whether or not they choose to go to CNN, see what it is that you're making fun of. Spıke ¬ 01:23 4-Apr-10

Got you!!! I'm not ragging on rag-heads in particular as my previous 55 Unnews stories (and 42 articles) cover loads of unrelated subjects. I just jump around. I'm on no mission! Hehe!--Funnybony    01:31, Apr 4

Like UnNews:Erykah Badu faces death for nude walk in Mecca. As for Texas: Did you know in Texas a woman left a loaded gun out where an young boy got it, picked it up and shot and killed his cousin? I think her fine was less than $500. Another woman sold "marital aids" at a private party for women. She was caught in a sting operation and arrested on obscenity charges. The same company operates in all 50 states, and none of their people have ever gotten arrested for sales. (The court later made a ruling, and the law was changed). Another man sold adult comic books with sexually-oriented cartoons and got arrested and sent to prison. The same comic books are sold throughout America. When George W. Bush was governor of Texas, Texas executed more people than the rest of the United States combined. In Texas, guns and killing people is good. Sex and nudity are bad. (The capital of Austin is an exception). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:37, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

In UnKoran it commands, "You (just) kill em all and I'll sort em out" -- now THAT is what Eric Clapton God Allah some Dick Head said!

BTW: Nam war was not a business war, it was a BS war, where America had no business after the French slave-drivers quit. The main reason is because Uncle Ho was a purple-belt in Cymjo-suerlebwema (VN bullshit art), and was much better than Lyndon Johnson, who was only a brown belt in Hung Screwoo (Texas BS Art). But I didn't know either Art, so WHY draft me? I'm "Anti-WAR" (and a 44 years long vegetarian to prove it) - Dude!--Funnybony    16:12, Apr 4

And if you want the real story on America in Nam then read "A Bright Shining Lie" about Special Forces PR dude, Col. Paul Vann, who was there, in the heart of the beast, from 1963 until his death just before the USA quit. After the VN freedom fighters drove out the French rulers, that should have been the end. But USA turned into the "Redcoats", and after killing 1,100,000 VN soldiers, they were still coming in droves..because it's their goddamn home! And if some other country wants to be socialist, that's none of my freakin' business. Hehe--Funnybony    21:04, Apr 4

I remember seeing a short film by the John Birch Society that was made about the time of the war. The narrator said they were going to show a map, and all the socialist nations would be colored pink, and all the communist nations would be colored red. Those that were neither communist nor socialist would be colored white. Then the map appeared: the entire world was red or pink except for the white United States. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 

Dude! For sure Socialism is not for me. But if VN wants it, that's their business. And if you look at VN now its a million times better off than before when USA was in charge. If you ever get forced into the Army to fight political chess game that is non-defensive, then you'll seriously question your own freedom, which will just not exist. So US is land-of-the-free - as long as you do exactly what your told.

Tang Dynasty

Considering you were in on the birth of progressive rock, I was wondering if you knew about Tang Dynasty. They were the first progressive/heavy metal group in China.

Tang Dynasty - The Sun

Tang Dynasty - Choice

Tang Dynasty - A Dream Return To Tang Dynasty King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:47, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

Man, THAT is a good question. According to those links. Did you Wiki them to see their roots? --Funnybony    04:58, Apr 3

"In 1988 Ding Wu, Zhang Ju, Kaiser Guo (US) and Andrew Szabo (US) met at a party and decided to form Tang Dynasty. They played several gigs on smaller parties, but had to abandon touring plans after the Tiannmen incident 1989. Kaiser Guo and Andrew Szabo returned to the US. But in autumn 1989 Ding Wu and Zhang Ju met Liu Yijin (Lao Wu) and Zhao Nian, who join Tang Dynasty." http://wiki.rockinchina.com/index.php?title=Tang_Dynasty Reminds me a little of what a certain group you know really well went through, except in their case war didn't destroy the band. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:01, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

God! It took soooo long for Hard Rock to reach China? Yeah, figures! My band was 65-67. Jeez, 1988 is recent history. Back then Queen were at the tip-top and Sex Pistols were at the bottom. I sent you a nice email. I'm only looking to do right. If I make a mistake it's just a mistake, not intentional devious planning. You'll see, I'm cool! Cheers!--Funnybony    05:15, Apr 3

Know, dude! My band was the least of what the NAAAM war destroyed. What a freakin' gyp!--Funnybony    05:18, Apr 3

I'm not an expert on war, but I have a friend who is. I asked him one time, did America ever initiate a war that wasn't planned to benefit American business? Without hesitation, he said "No." King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:20, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

Also I got the email you sent a few hours ago. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:21, April 3, 2010 (UTC)

Sure, bro! I'm on your side!--Funnybony    06:01, Apr 3

HHhaarrraannggmMM

HELP! Please! Have page, need audio. Can anyone create audio file for this page? Thanks!--Funnybony    07:26, Apr 7

UnNews:Queen dissolves lump of sugar as PM calls for election

As I note at the bottom of User:SPIKE/UnNews, April is clearly your turn to win the Foolie. But I found the above UnNews to be a dud. An UnNews shooped from another UnNews, adding nothing but amusement at the double meaning of "dissolve," which mostly means you are not a Brit. This pun is worth at most passing treatment in an UnNews that makes a real point. I had similar issues when the Brits of Imperial Colonization redid Barack Obama and decided that Obama's move from [Illinois] Senate to [U.S.] Senate was a joke. It's not. Spıke ¬ 16:15 7-Apr-10

Thanks!

And what do you want? You think that because you voted for Why?:Do I need to provide this? you'll get some kind of thank you from Necropaxx? Ha!

Thanks for the nom, Funnybony!

Hi there!

You must have noticed SoS by now - but I still whore present it to you, seeing you're an industrious writer. I've often tried to get people to collaborate (you do well on your own, I know) and the SoS seems to be an idea to make it actually work. So, help out if you feel like it! -- Style  Guide 10:01, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Humm! That article is over my head. Here's my take on SOS UnNews:Atheists decry SOS. Best of luck making your punch line, which I seem to have missed. You can do it! It seems to me that you can make breaking all the rules funny if you make it attractive. You article needs more visuals, more graphics and templates. More beauty. Hey, if you're going to break the rules then why have a contents section? As an "instruction book" article, kinda like what your doing, I also made HTBAFANJACF. Cheers!--Funnybony    10:35, Apr 8

Well - it really is an actual project, this SoS of ours. There's the punchline for you. I seriously meant, if you want to join in, writing some of the serials, welcome. The SoS itself doesn't need any more work. -- Style  Guide 10:45, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Hey there! What IS the punch line? What is the subject? It's nothing wrong except being over my freakin' head. Clue me in and maybe I can help too. I'd be glad to. Cheers!--Funnybony    11:27, Apr 8

Um. Read the material, and go through some of the subpages, particularly the fluffy bunny one. It has two articles going. Enemies of Leonardo as well. In short, though: idea is to do like they do in the real world: if you need to get an idea across, you employ a media office to spread propaganda (the movie Thank you for smoking satirizes this). We are the media office, but we will (obviously) need to write the articles for the other side too, since this is not the real world. In fact, if someone established another unit, with the aim of shooting down what SoS writes, it would be even better. -- Style  Guide 11:40, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

The big joke comes from the fact that our "clients" are absurd. It gives a pretty smooth ride, I found that out while writing Fluffy Bunnies as the saviours of infrastructure. I didn't have to worry about anything except trying to find out things that would make bunnies look good economically. The joke already was there, I just fleshed it out. Meet me in chat if you want a more rapid Q/A, I'm on there now. -- Style  Guide 11:50, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

In fact, to help out, all you would have to do is to tell me when/if you write or see an article that has anything that could even remotely be connected to any of the subjects on the SoS pages. Anything could be used for evidence that a client is right or that someone else is wrong. -- Style  Guide 12:53, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

OK, will do! Cheers--Funnybony    01:24, Apr 9

Tigers

Hey Funnybony, did you see the UnNews:Main Page yet? Look at the lead and second lead. It's loltastic, I tell you. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:24, 8 April 2010

Yeah, they were funny. I wrote the 2nd Tiger story, about the REAL Tiger, wait!? Which Tiger is the REAL Tiger? I mean, 1+1 = nothing unless it's 1+1 of something. But that was the same main page yesterday, this time, about, so I guess it'll be changed soon. See, I live in the future! Really! Where I sit it's now 7:30 PM on night of the 8th. I live in the future.

As instructed by my Noob Guru I updated the pic on front page latest news to a real crazy picture. I changed because some times it's the same picture for 2-3 days on the main page latest news, and it's a dirty job but I had to keep it moving so it's changed every day. And someone will hopefully change it again before this time tomorrow. That way we get to see more pics and variety. BTW: Did you ever try the drug devil's nipple? It's FREE in Colombia! Cheers!--Funnybony    12:45, Apr 8

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:19, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Your pee, sir

Done and done! —Pelozurian (talk) 08:04, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Well, I was pleasantly surprised with your edits. You really followed my advice well, and I got much more laughs out of it the second time around. Good job! —Pelozurian (talk) 05:53, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks to you! Cheers!--Funnybony    06:21, Apr 13

Soma

Hi! On your last Soma edit, why is Soma a narcotic and not a psychodelic? Different breeds of "drug" as you know. And could God/dess'es "abuse" Soma? Wouldn't their choice to use Soma predicate non-abuse, since they are God/dess'es and can do whatever they want for fun and profit? I really like the Soma page, which means that it would never do for VFH, but you should try it there anyway just for the drug effect of it. Al sans chains 21:26 12 4 mmx

Right on! I just done undid it, changed narc to psych. Thanks Al!--Funnybony    21:35, Apr 12

Just added three kaleidoscopes, two Roman candles to the mix. It already bombed at VFH a few months ago. No body even voted. Hehe! Silly little humans, eh!?--Funnybony    21:53, Apr 12

Really? I'll check out its voting summary. A very good page imnho. Say, where do your parents live in the States? A liddle birdy (recent changes) told me you're making the long haul there soon. Al sans chains a few minutes later.

SF-Haight Ashbury, where else? Hehe!!--Funnybony    22:03, Apr 12

Nice, Score some good in SF. Soma was only on VFH for 2 and a half days, and nobody at all made a comment or a vote except you. Strange. I have no memory of it there. And it's odd that it should be removed so quickly. But maybe for the best, as you seem to be doing lots of new work on it, so next time. Al, few minutes later.

Hey, thanks for your vote on writer. Appreciated. I wish 10 people could win at once, so many good folks deserve that award. Thanks. And you'd better pick up some good Soma in S.F., should be accessible. Seriously, something I've never done is dmt. Terrence McKenna kept talking and writing about it, and it intriques me of course (have you heard McKenna lecture on tape? Many hours of great seminars, etc. there with a button click or two). Have you had that dmt experience? Al, 15:29 13 4 mmx

Not a bad lineup. And great potential for a first person "fictionized" article here and a "tell all" larger factual article or book at some point. Must admit I don't know what African Queen is (mushrooms?), will look it up on google but would it be there? I never tried hard enough to see McKenna in person when he was around, thought there would be time to do that and then he has to check out on us. One of the good guys along with Leary and Bob Wilson. Memories, in the corners of my mind. . . Al 17:21 13 4 mmx

Pure acid x 100 hits + instant blast-off = 1 x DMT. If you try it just make sure somebody is there to catch the pipe. Dude, I was singer in a great Psychedelic band (in London) and was at the forefront, and THERE in Haight during Summer of '67. I even showed Hendrix around and no one but me even knew who he was (I had just returned from London before Hendrix was released in the USA and our bands were friends). As far as a book in concerned there are already two, 1) Hrisi by Dan Reid, and 2) Like, Misunderstood by Mike Stax (available on Amazon.com). And the #2 book is a completed screenplay for a feature film. This might all sound amazing, but that's just cause you don't know me well enough. Our music is also available on amazon, and out of 4 different albums available, the best one is The Misunderstood: Before the Dream Faded. If you are actually interested I can save you money by sending you the 560 page Psychedelic novel, Like Misunderstood, which is a 1.5kg hardbound, as an eBook via email. It's same layout as the hard copy volume, and you can read on your PC. For the Music to hear, example: "My Mind", one of my compositions, and I'm lead singer -- is put on your talk page. Please check it out.

Dude! You're for sure going to win the Writer of the Month, or Nobel Parody Prize, or whatever it is. You have 14 votes already. People love your humor. Of course! Cheers!--Funnybony    18:20, Apr 13

Thanks for the songs, I'll give a listen. I knew most of that about your work, but haven't read the books, and I'll check our library. Did they get your story right, or do you have more in the first person that you can tell on your own? Anyway, you created a fun playground for yourself in those years, and then created up a war so you could be chased from one lifestyle to the next (India, yoga, and enlightement). Man, you were sooooo into one pathway that it had to be something on the order of a war to move you to another pathway, but with the same energy, so those years must have been something too. And who knows, if you hadn't been kicked in the ass by mother war you may not be around the earth now. Beck took the whole path, and willing to bet he doesn't know half of what you do about consciousness, sanskrit meanings (english has nothing comparable except for scientology terminology, which isn't in "english" either), and all. Do you still play and sing? If so, have you ever got in touch with Beck and some of the others to do a '60s (people in their 60s) album? I bet that would work. And 65 probably isn't very old if the body is in good condition, and hopefully Beck has kept his machine tuned up. As for DMT, I've only read the accounts and listened to McKenna, how you have to be sitting down and someone else handle the pipe and you have to do three large tokes in order to "break through to the other side" for that 5 minute trip, Alice in Wonderland stuff. The writer thing would be nice, and Nach deserves it too. Only have 9 votes actually, yours included (thanks again!), all the rest is banter and play. Long note here. Al 19:17

Hi. I did some edits in the first few sections of The Mis. Hope they're OK, if not, yank them. If so, would you like me to continue? A bit more in comments on my talk page. I'll await your verdict. Gulp. Al 11:38 14 3 mmx

Ghosts never seem to play fair

Thanks for the spirited uploads! I'll use the pic somewhere on the page, maybe even as the opening (I've put some other photos and ideas on the talk page, and was planning on using grandma as the opening pic) with the first quote worked into its caption. None of my pages have quotes at the top, just a personal bias against listy things (for an extreme example of opening quotes check out the Hulk Hogan page). And I'm glad you put back your song on The Mis., you've gotta keep the music close when it's part of your power! The other thing, the HOwTo, was just a page I found awhile ago and had fun adding in the pics. How about that swarm of spiders, aye, that'll scare 'em! Al sans chains 12:15 15 4 mmx

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 21:24, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

The Misunderstood

Hi, I did a little more edit play on a couple of sections, and hope you like it. Glad you put the song back. I'll use your ghost pic, but changed the caption to fit the storyline, which is about how ghosts don't break fair with people. I feel comfortable whoring to you, as you take my money and give me a good time in return (happy ending), but after a very nice pee review my Giant Jew Band was nommed for VFH. I like that page, and am glad a few others do, so if you and only if you like it enough for a feature, please give it a vote or three. And when do you leave for S.F. (maybe you're there now)? Have many fun days with your folks and many fun nights with your old pals, and I'd suggest you do look up Beck wherever he is. More play in your future. and a p.s. My sister is one of those QVC addicts, where they sell crap, ah, sell quality goods to bored housewives 24 hours a day. I think they need a several thousand piece miniumum, but have you ever considered contacting them as a possible jewerly outlet. I know from my sister how rabid these women are for that network, and it makes instant worldwide stars out of some of their hosts and outlet personnnel. I hate it myself, and wouldn't even want to do a page on it, but that's because a few real jerks sell their wares there--this one guy says he's an "old hippie" but specializes in coral art and brags about how he longs for the days when he was able to sell snakeskin on the air. Guy should be strung up, with honey on the rope so the ants could have easier access to his bloated corpse, but that's just me. Al 16:15 16 4 mmx

Thanks for voting for Giant Jew Band. They all appreciate it! Cows for Congress! Al des chain 19:23 21 4

GREAT STUFF! I love everything you did. But you missed one obvious truth, that "spilt milk" and "spilt music" are quite different, because the music was professionally recorded for all time, to be enjoyed even now (unlike milk which is just a write off), so I made that little change. But you're welcome to change anything because you ability is superior. I learned in this life, "Never disagree with a winner!" - too true. Hey, that band page is outstanding. It probably comes across too egotistical for a VFH success, although it would make for a good FA. In any case, I'm just glad it's better. Friends are the greatest asset in life. I'm leaving for SF day after tomorrow. But I'm use my Mom's MacBook once I recover. Taking my 13 year old Amerasian son to see his grandparents...our yearly visits help keep them alive. So far so good. Stay cool! I already went through the Nom and voted for it. Only an fool would vote no. And that huge picture makes it all become immediately literal. I loved it! Cheers!--Funnybony    17:13, Apr 16

Glad you liked it. And spilt music runs the deepest into the wood. Well, I don't know, maybe with another overlay of a story line The Mis. may be "feature worthy". I'll let my brain dwell on it for a day or so. Thanks for the Giant Jew vote, appreciated. And I hope you and your son enjoy the trip and visit as you go ocean bound. Al 23:49 16 4 MMX

Fuck you

You don't really suck anymore, which disappoints me. You should start sucking again. For me. Pleeeeease? Would you like a cookie, sir? 00:15,17April,2010

Eh. I still suck. Staircase CUN^t 00:16, April 17, 2010 (UTC)

Yes you do. Thank you. Would you like a cookie, sir? 00:21,17April,2010

Pee Review Mecca Vice

I finished up the pee review on Mecca Vice. Nice article.--Striker2117 18:07, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks a mil for the review.--Funnybony    19:24, Apr 24

In USA

Guys and dolls! I'm in USA being shuffled between family members. No time to think straight or get any UnWork done in our nifty UnClub of loonies. I'll be home on 29th and will be writing again as soon as I get over jet lag. I miss all you gang and the humor which makes life worth living. Hang tough!--Funnybony    19:24, Apr 24

Thanks for the vote and the use of the picture. Ghosts on the front page, running rampant and haunting it for all timmmmeeeeee

I hope you're enjoying your trip, and get out of America without become a right wing loony by the process of osmosis alone. Since I like to whore any American I see, the Ghosts page is up on VFH courtesy of Puppy and is in need of fine votes. The pic you provided opens the festivities. Maybe you can print off the page and pass it all around the west coast, stopping at all the surf shops as you go. Enjoy the loooooong trip home. Al sans chains 12:30 25 4

Yo thanks! And direct from ______ itself, where hippies flow like wine. And wine flows like hippies. I'm interested, and wait until you get back and un-jet lag, if you've come across people organizing for the November pot legalization vote. That will be a landmark day in North American history. You've probably heard that Jack Herer died, a loss and it's sad he won't be here for November. Catch 'em if you can. Al sans chains 19:26 25 4

Answered your note on my page. Yay! Al 20:19 25 4

 Now I know why you waited to vote! Happy Birthday!! A nice way to spend it, with your parents. Happy Birthday!!! 20:56 26 4 MMX

You're back, jetlagged no doubt. More later! Al sans chains 20:34 30 4

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

All your readers are belong to us

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:44, 1 May 2010

HowTo:Create a Sandstorm

Just pucker your lips, and blow. Hi, good to have you back. That HowTo page looks really nice with your story on it, the old yogi or poser-yogi guy seems right at home there. Thanks for voting for me for Writer, that was nice. I've tried to be absurd with my awards page. And yay, your Mecca Vice looks really good, and I like your changes. The VFH process seems like another pee review because of all the eyes on the article. Saw Michael Moore's Capitalism film yesterday, a really good doc. I can see why it didn't get the publicity of his other films, he actually calls for the end to capitalism and for Americans to get rid of the financial hold on the government. Lots of good stuff in there. A final thing for now, what happened to MrN? He, Mad Max, and some other people seem to be gone for awhile. Should we send out search parties? Enjoy. Al 10:54 2 5 mmx

Yo! Al! Now you gotta get Writer of the Year. You can pump out FAs one after another.. amazing! It was by following your HowTo advice and quick fix that I got featured at all. I think that's a real Sadhu pic, cause I met and burned it with many like him in Nepal and India. I just noticed that my hero, Mordillo, voted YES on Mecca Vice... so maybe that's a real good sign... BTW: Off subject, (and to Spike as well) when in SF my son wanted an iPad and they were sold out everywhere in Bay Area except their SF main branch, so we went early morning just to stand in a freezing line. And is iPad COOL? Is the Pope Christian? Freakin' way better than I expected. With WiFi it's a total computer, and they have an App for everything. And internet is awesome. Like killer clarity YouTube and movies, and books. It does way more than I expected, and Apple didn't seem to pass a single chance to make it cooler. No shit!!! With 16 GB is cheaper than an iPhone+contract. Now my kid is first in town here to have one. But not for long. What an amazing marketing job Apple has done. You're not getting me into a freezing morning line of customers otherwise. Really! Well, you probably could get me to. Cheers!--Funnybony    11:52, May 2

When I was in Vegas a few weeks ago the iPad outlet was a store in the Forum, and it too had a huge line. I'm going to have to look at one of them when I get a chance, thanks for the review of the product. By the number totals it looks like later today is probably when Mecca will be featured. Congrats on that and on the Foolitzer. You'rfe picking up awards at the rate of one a month now. And if they gave a HowTo award you'd get that this month! Al des chain 2 5 mmx

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recent UOTM campaign.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:14, May 3, 2010 (UTC)

---

Well, only two people voted for me, and you're one of them, so rather then make a big fancy template as I usually would, I'll just leave this nice little message for you.

Thanks. Here's a picture of some attractive asian women.

. Would you like a cookie, sir? 02:36,3May,2010

Stuff and yoga

Hello hello hello. I see you're attracting more Asian women, a good trait for any man. I don't know how to do the email thing either, so let's just talk on the yoga talk page about the article, but for now. . .saw your edits at Tantra, and will polish some of that up. I thought the opening pic and caption could fit in somewhere, just because an image of a God has specific emotional charges doesn't mean we can't use the handsome fellow for some jokes, aye. The yoga "powers", if we put those in we should make sure to say that they are just by-products of enlightenment and not the goal. We should probably say, in the language of funny, that once the mountaintop is attained, and the mountain seen for what it is, the view from there is abusuredly easy and the "powers" are just a flick of the attention (that's why true yogis, swami's and scientologists don't pray anymore, because what they put their attention on for a bit of a second comes about--healer's work like that--but usually just go with "best possible results" and that more often than not does the trick). Lots more. The layout I've put as chapter heads in Yoga isn't written in stone, but in photons! Al unChained 15:42 5 5 mmx

I worked over your edits on tantra, and together I think we did a good job of introducing the page with the proper spiritual overtones mixed with funny. I took out the porn stuff, and other edits to enhance the experience. The David Lee Roth quote should go, I think, or be changed to another name--not everyone knows who Roth is nowadays, a man lost in the mists of time. More soon, Al sans chains 1:23 6 5 MMX

Good work (play?). Now Tantra has a solid intro. I have another picture for Tantra too. I agree if Van Halen is forgotten then drop Roth. But, wow, it's amazing how such big stars could be forgotten? Maybe I had it better. Cause nothing looks more funky than an old rocker trying to be a young rocker. But some can do it. The Who are getting back on the road again. And Beck is playing his ass off everywhere. My sister just went to a Jeff Beck concert, and said the crowd was on their feet cheering non-stop during his last three numbers. She never saw such sincere appreciation from a crowd to THE guitar god, Jeff. And he's about 66 years old. But then he's in a class all his own.

Dude, if you know how to see email on record then please write me with yours. Otherwise visit Wiki and see bottom for homepage, there's e. Also Why and MrN and RAHB have my contact if you can access them. This "user page" deal is such a public record it drives me nuts.

Yes, it's better to narrow Yoga down to is most well-known meaning, some cat sitting in meditation on the tip of his nose ("Shit! Will you look at that!? The tip of my goddamn nose! Awesome!") Hehe. Did you ever see this Hindu sect spoof (which remains spiritually nameless throughtout)? Cheers--Funnybony    07:06, May 6

No, not to narrow it down as much as to explain yoga in understandable language and to make it funny at the same time. Some of the more esoteric terminology can be simplified. If we do this right it could be a beneficial page. Al UnChained 00:53 7 5 MMX

Thank your for the review, I wish you more Asian women

Thanks for the sandstorm review, that was unexpected. lol at some of it, I'll certainly take your advice and try to figure out explain fully why someone should create a sandstorm. other than the pure joy of doing it, of course. What a sandstorm would look like, maybe "A sandstorm up close" caption, could be a close-up of blond hair, yellow particles, a yellow flower, or something. Will do. Thanks again, a sandy outlook on the world. Al greateful for the review 16:35 7 5 MMX

Dude! How about this Sandstorm? "For the hell-of-it" is a good reason.

Sand storm coming

Cheers!--Funnybony    16:49, May 7

Hi, I see you're online. I've been polishing and (hopefully) adding funny to Tantra for awhile, and it really is starting to become a good article. I think we need to balance the funny with the real information contained on the page. A few more wikipedia links to make too. I'll get back to it later, but I think we and the person who brought the page to Uncy have done a good job in presenting a basic tantra primer to our teeming masses of readers. Al sans chains 12:39 8 5 MMX

Your review

I did it. I think you already know that, since you're implementing changes already.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) 19:01, May 9, 2010 (UTC)

"A Tale of Two Partitions of a Red Sea that Once Were a Single Thing But the Were Seperated By Some Dude Named Moses so That They Could Only Wave At Each other From That Point Onward" a.k.a. HowTo:Part the Red Sea

Firstly, thanks for fixing up some of the errors in the article as I tend to type a great deal slower than I think and sometimes leave whole words out and don't catch the error. Second, I've included your surfing idea towards the end under a new section I added. Third, once you've given it a good look over again, you can nom it if you want to as I feel it's mostly ready. Thanks for the support.--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 02:38, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

It's getting there but I think it needs a peereview and some rough spots worked on (the phone call for example, and if you'd like it featured best to remove the <insert name here> thing. I like the last section, well written. Al des chains 11:14 12 5 mmx

FunnyBony, I included your pic that you gave me with the caption at the end. I think it might be a little small though. What's your thought on it?--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 20:20, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

Cool! It gives a notion of what it might actually look like. Ha. R U ready?--Funnybony    16:49, May 12

ChiefJusticeDS said he'd probably do a Pee Review on it tomorrow. After he gets that done, I'll make whatever edits need to be done to fix it up and then it'll be ready.--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 20:50, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

When ready, let me know. Cheers!--Funnybony    21:28, May 12

It's up for proofreading currently, and if it's not out of proofreading in a day or two, I'll just remove the template and you can nom it. I didn't see too many mistakes, but ChiefJusticeDS suggested it. Until later.--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 19:18, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

As Moses crossed, and the part in the Red Sea gradually collapsed behind him, a lone Israeli surfer enjoys the unique ride.

OK, let me know when ready to Nom. Here is a picture inspired by your article. Cheers!--Funnybony    20:15, May 15

Alright, I've just removed the proofreading template and ran it through my own spellchecker so at least the word are spelled correctly, even if there may still be a "Their" where there should be a "they're" hiding in some remote corner. I believe that it is now ready to be nommed. Also, that other picture looks really cool and I like the caption you put under it. Many thanks for all your help.--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 16:44, May 16, 2010 (UTC)

3-2-1 Blast-off!!!--Funnybony    17:05, May 16

Voidism

Nice, another nice page. You have so many that if 10 or so were polished and written to their finest (which you have been doing lately), whoa. Surfin'. Tantra again, there are just hints of the entire practice, and maybe people will follow the links to learn more (wiki pages on tantra and neotantra give good data). I'll get back to trimming later. Did you see the section at the end of the page, which I trimmed. Added a new last line, heh heh. Al des chains 12:32 12 5 MMX

Dude! If screwing leads to voidism then I'm all for it! PLEASE! By all mean, kindly edit Voidism to your hearts content. You know the inside joke. Cheers!--Funnybony    12:53, May 12

Did some edits, but it seems to be where it is, nowhere, or everywhere. To edit is to act upon it, which is not possible. If it was on VFG it may go nowhere, or everywhere. Nobody knows but everyone knows. This is always true. Al des chains 21:59 12 5 MMX

You've got me stumped and it's all figured out. How can nothing be featured?--Funnybony    22:04, May 12

UnNews:Dire financial predictions for the rest of 2010

The change summary sort of asks for our opinion, so here's mine. Photo very nice. The framing is awful: If this is no laughing matter, don't bring it here at all, and above all don't jump in and chat with the reader that he is welcome to laugh. The fact that you have gotten predictions in e-mail is not notable; either give a real Source or use {{Original}}. CYBERSPACE is not a dateline.

The material itself is remarkable--though it's unremarkable that a bunch of economists--who are, incidentally, have subscription blogs--predict cataclysm. Your summary, that their predictions certainly won't all come true, is unremarkable too. What is the point? What is the joke?

Proposal: Pick three to five of the most incompatible predictions, put it in the form of an interview, and add quotes that recommend that the reader either borrow to the hilt and buy the recommended investment, or sell it short, in any case subscribing to the economists' newsletters. Spıke ¬ 12:43 16-May-10

Hi Spike, I was not sure about this, and half expecting a rejection. So It doesn't matter to me. You're welcome to delete it OR edit it as you like. You're right on all accounts, dude! Cheers--Funnybony    12:49, May 16

I'll do neither. (Am not trusted with the Huffing Power, for obvious reasons.) Merely suggest that, as a comedy piece, this is seriously unfinished. Cheers. Spıke ¬ 13:13 16-May-10

Downer!!! So my quarter will soon be worth a nickel, and the dirt on my nickel worth more than the nickel itself? Did you know the Reagon gang devalued US currency by 50% one evening in 1981 (true). Americans elected Reagon and hung themselves on the assholes personality. Anyway, I'm really liking what your doing to Voidism. It's shaping up for more than just "Good" (and since I can whore myself out to you and you alone, check out my "Warm piss water" in VFH to see if you like it or not, votes only wanted if you like it! Thanks, now I'll get on my knees). The void of money seems to be coming too. Al des chains 14:24 16 5 mmx

Al, don't believe the nonsense you read on Uncyclopedia. Hehe!! I'm sitting in the middle of a war zone with the sounds of guns and bombs going off constantly. Scary! So shit DOES happen!--Funnybony    16:33, May 16

Fuck, I didn't know you were that close to the "action". Keep your head down and your laptop lit. Or just enjoy it, because it's what's happening to your viewpoint right now, and you may as well live in the experience transendent-like. Al des chains 16:54 16 5 mmx

Thanks for Warm piss water! I can feel it now. Seriously, are you in any danger or is the rioting and killing far enough off that you can just hear it. Al 17:29 16 5 mmx

Right now is 1:30 am and its raging. I mean, the freakin' army and government can NOT surrender to an armed mob. The degree of extreme provocation and intimidation by the Reds is beyond belief, they constantly attack the army and police with war weapons. The police, etc., MUST fight back. And subdue the lawless maniacs. We can't lose to anarchy! But it might take the army a few more days to flush out all the terrorists and get the "paid" rent-a-mob people to go back to the rice farm. Believe me, if the army was firing at will and indiscriminately then there would be thousands dead, so they are really trying to fight the baddies with hands half-tied by rules which the Reds don't follow. But one thing, they whacked a super-violent bad Red leader last Thursday while he was bragging to a reporter. The 500 or so "hard core" want civil war, and 6000 farmers are caught as human armor, unable to leave and totally brainwashed. So the army must do what ever to win this fight. And if they were free to act fully then it would be over in 5 minutes. Now the Red shoot RPGs at the soldiers, who can only use guns. But if the Army could use their "stuff" then they would squash the reds, but get blamed too. It's tough, and uncertain. I'm about 3 miles away from the "live fire" zones and can hear it raging.

BTW: What did I do to Voidism to improve it? Remove the obviously funny sarcasm? I did a lot on December 22, 2012 as well... now much more FA style. And no lists. Cheers!--Funnybony    18:53, May 16

I hate to intrude on a discussion of reality. I rewrote the lead of this piece (again; omitting the self-reference to UnNews) and, as the Chief wandered in this afternoon but didn't do anything to the Front Page, gave it the 1-spot on the strength of the illustration. Stay alive, please. Spıke ¬ 01:38 17-May-10

Voidism

Will have to look at 2012 too. Voidism is good, you mention the Book of the Dead twice, sort of the same joke. How can you make the reader experience the void (short of having him run his head into a wall, which wouldn't be nice because some mental case might do it). Good pics!---More importantly, your report of "the troubles" is very interesting and has more clarity than all the reports I've read. It's a delicate balance there, and the reds know how to manipulate the hate of their supporters. People are morons, and I hope it ends well for your point of view. Al sans chains 21:02 16 5 MMX

How's it going?

I've been reading about the problems in your adopted land. Hope that hasn't caused you any significant problems. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:43, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for best wishes. It's good v/s evil as usual. But this time the government and army are the good guys, in the right, and the Reds are "rent-a-mob" by fugitive corrupt politician who should be in jail. The leaders of this demonstration REALLY crossed the line here more than I ever saw before. As soon as the protesters go home, the leaders are dead-fuckers. The worst leader, a bad army terrorist, got whacked a few days ago while spouting off his BS to some reporters. Man, nothing like a sniper's bullet through the head to spoil an interview. Most of the country were praying he would die, and he just died today. Fuckin'aye! I'm praying for the safety of the police and army guys who are trying to enforce the law. The Reds broke every rule in the book. Why is it always the goddamn REDS!? I stayed home since two weeks because it's never been so dangerous in all my 25 years here. The government MUST win! They cannot surrender to mob rule of anarchy. Hope your well, dude!--Funnybony    12:49, May 17

You mean the government and police are right for once?

I'm doing all right, although the recession sucks. Makes it hard for me to keep up my 24-karat, diamond-studded golden crack cocaine lifestyle. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  06:13, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Nothing

Some idiot put your Voidism up for VFH. Now follow this instruction closely: Print out the VFH page, strip naked and run right into the crowd downtown, situate yourself between the troops and the reds, wave the printout over your head and scream at the top of your voice, over and over again, "I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR VOIDISM, I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR VOIDISM". That should get you some votes, and would let you experience the void in no time. Al des chains 12:01 17 5 MMX

Wow, dude! Couldn't have been too much of an idiot, as they managed to make "nothing" appear visible on VFH. If it gets featured its because of your care and feed back that made the old article FA quality. Meanwhile, it looks like SandStorm is almost a done deal (and I'm not at all surprised). Much thanks! Y/bro--Funnybony    12:55, May 17

Spiders and other bugs

Lo and bejold. I've gone into that horrible Spider page and edit-sweeped it, so have another look. Now I'll go in and add more. Want to come play on it and improve the thing? Spiders need a good page here, and this is a good a time as any to give the horrible little souls their due. Aleister sans chains 13:16 18 5 mmx

Spiders! Have done quite a bit of work, and Fredd has done some really good editing. Spiders. On Voidism HELPME has mentioned that he's spotted some things which could be tweeked, I'd suggest you ask him what they is, 'cause he's a very good reviewer and fix-er-upper. Hope the sound of gunshots is easing in your hood. Spiders. Al sans chains 1:12 19 5 MMX

Thanks again for your nom and votes! Warm piss Sandstorm made it to feature, mucho thanks to you. I've go sand in my beer! Al sans chains 15:39 21 5 MMX

I put in some reworking of language into the page on that guy James Bevel. He sounds like a real jerk, raping and pillaging and shooting William McKinley and all, but at least he built a few pyramids to make up for it. Thanks for your comments. Al des chains 15:51 22 5 MMX

"Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow" said the Red Sea

Striker2117 and Black Moses thank you for your vote! Without you, the Red Sea Parting Method could not have been featured.

Also I must thank you for all your help on the article and the nom; both of which I greatly appreciated. On another note, I heard that you are stuck in that bad situation in Thailand, and I wish you the best in dealing with it.

--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 02:30, May 23, 2010 (UTC)

Unlike the Red Sea, who is stuck in the middle with Jew. Al des chain 11:16 23 5 MMX

Voidism

Oh no, the nom is going backwards. But this, too, is in the Divine plan. First the void expands into reality, and we believe that there is something there as nothingness seems to solidify into something tangible. Then it reverts to its true nature, and the void reappears (or deappears). Leaving us to both cry at the tragedy and laugh at the absurdity at the same time, while we sit, in the middle of these two emotions, watching the play. Al des chains 11:21 5 23 MMX

Dude! It is too dry like Wikipedia style.. which doesn't work here. I just tried a new intro approach following your example. Please check Voidism again, and if I screwed it up kindly revert. We both knew that featuring "nothing" was well-nigh impossible. But either way we want the article to improve. Which I just tried. Cheers!--Funnybony    12:57, May 23

Thanks for the Bevel pics and ideas! The intro to void is very good, and should be in another colour though. I thought you were going to lead with it, but it's interesting as a stand-alone introduction (which are usually cool), although the color is drab. Maybe you were trying to portend the void, but a block of grey print is something that should be nothing. hee hee. Thanks again, Al 10:41 23 5 MMX

Al, please see Voidism now. Most text colors are too light or too bright. Your verdict is awaited. Cheers!--Funnybony    14:35, May 23

Any color was better than the grey. Purple is fine, or any other. How does the void taste, by the way? Just as long as the reader can see it. And there it is! -- Thanks for taking a giant pee on Wheels. It will be fun to see your comments. I saw the category add, and actually it's not time travel. Alternate reality, it's the same time but the guy just slipped over into a different timestream. Swimming up the timestream in a boat of another mother. If you notice he wakes up in his alternate self, and his woman and children expect him to hit them. A real asshole there, his tribemates hate him, etc. Then he gets some money and they all like him. But the time thing, I'm going to have to explain that in a sentence or two. Thanks again, going back into the void. . . .Al des chains 11:33 25 5 mmx

Wheel of wisdom

Wheel upon wheels. Read your review, thank you. I really have to get the concept of alternate reality in there, and explain it in simple language. The jungle pic is pre-development, by the time the guy and his crew get done with it it's got roads and condos in there. All because of he wheel. Maybe a tweek to the sentence will make that clearer. You've given me food for thoughts (ummmmm). How'd you like the mushroom pic? hee hee. I'll continue to work upon the page, and finetune it. The pic of the time machine is nice, have you used that somewhere as yet? And thank you very much again for your review and kind words. Al 12:12 25 5 MMX

Mushroom pic was lovely. Maybe THAT is the key to time-travel!? I used the time machine in the article - HowTo:Beat jet lag now featured on HowTo. I forgot about Jet Lag caused by time travel. You might have to recover from the "Lag" before making the wheel (grin). How is it goin, dude?--Funnybony    07:21, May 26

UnNews:Camel Porn smut film too raunchy for Mecca

I cleaned up the grammar, changed your caption (you omitted an obvious pun) and changed the name of your porn movie. "Camel Porn" explains itself too completely unless you are Japanese. "Camels Gone Wild" you will recognize as analogous to the title famously recalled when one of its many female stars failed to be 18 years of age. Spıke ¬ 03:15 26-May-10

WAY TO GO, Spike! Way to go! Cheers!--Funnybony    07:22, May 26

Voidism feature

Congrats! It was a long road to nothing, with a whole lot of fully loaded emptiness preceding the feature status. Now no one will read it on the main page and it will be long unremembered and vacant in the universe. Congratulations!!! Al des chains 00:11 27 5 mmx

Dude! You're on such a roll! Even you simply "Nom" an article and it gets featured. Awesome! Al, I want to thank you and the other voters. Where can I find the old voting page for Voidism? I looked around quite a bit without success. The Void is thankful. And 'thankful void' is the best kind. Cheers!--Funnybony    07:01, May 27

Infinite thanks from the void.

UnNews:Philippe Cousteau discovers horrors of under water oil spill

All I can do for you today is to add your story to the Oil Spill section. Spıke ¬ 00:04 29-May-10

Skunks amongst

There you go, the skunk page has shaped up into something to hang on your wall and point at to passerbys. Nice work! Al des chains 12:26 29 5 MMX

Wow! Indeed! Your few words were every bit as valuable as the entire Pee. And I'm glad I made them straight away. Jeez! Who is in charge of HowTo ? I have a feeling you had a hand in the abomination HowTo feature. I'm glad I got that Pee and ran it by you. It is very encouraging to be encouraged with encouragement. BTW: Tantra now looks like a Benz in the showroom. Can't do much better than that. It's ready when ever you are. Hehe! Cheers, dude!--Funnybony    16:58, May 29

Haven't been by your digs here in a couple of days. Thanks for your kind words, but the hand that holds the tool cuts the diamond. You're doing some good tweeks and additions on lots of your stuff. Tantra, how about if we keep on playing with it. At least until our other VFH stuff ages a bit more. My Reinventing the wheel one isn't picking up votes, although I think it's near the top of my best stuff, so I keep on tweaking and improving it too. It might be because Ptok nommed that rapist article, which makes me look like the deranged pervert I am, and users will now shun me after reading it in order to feel clean once again. On the serious side, what are we missing in Tantra according to the real traditions, the way to God. Maybe a little more explanation of how the brain operates to experience itself, like I've put at the start of Dreaming, only this time in short form and using its ability to take overwhelming data and use it to become conscious of how it creates. Too heavy, mon, I must log off and eat. Yummm. Nice work on your 2012 duo. Al 16:00 31 5 MMX

Dude! Tantra is a very substantial article. But the more you refine something the purer it gets. Although I'm not sure sure about Tantra. Like refining sugar it gets worse for you (as white sugar) so I never take white refined sugar. Yes, I've been a busy boy. Articles which I did a LOT of recent work on are December 22, 2012, Roberto Duran, Blue-ringed octopus, and United States of Earth, all which are much better under your influence. Please check them out for potential. I'm pretty sure "Wheel" will get featured. It's a very carefully composed joke, excellent. I'm surprised more people don't read Monckton, because that it a really funny read. Got some heavy votes straight away, but none since. We'll see. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:25, May 31

OK, if you think Tantra is ready to be shown to the site. How do you want to go about it, you and I have nommed other people and ourselves a lot lately (although it has been on pee review over seven days, and the reviewing staff would be glad to lighten their load by one, esp. with our names on it in the case of HELPME, who may have had enough of us for awhile. On the votes, not as many people seem to be reading the noms lately. I'm not sure, but there are lots of diversions, including summer vacations for those in the Northern hemisphere, Facebook and skype site for Uncy, and other things. Lots of new blood around, although I'm not seeing many completed articles from them. So if anyone is lurking and reading this, and likes Tantra enough to nom it, please do so, and we will send girls over to Tantra you good. I think I'll find a tweek or two on the Wheel page, and I will look at at least one of your soon (Have never read the Duran page, maybe that one next. But no mas no mas). Al des chains 19:52 31 5 MMX

Yo Bro! Whoever started Tantra should be aknowleged. Then its your very well edited rewrite, with a few lines from me and a couple pics. I'll Nom it as one of Aleister's most exhaustive and profound, and humorous articles to date. Which is true. It's much more attractive with the opening picture of Hindu's Lord Rama, and in the picture Rama is engaged in Tantric worship of a Shiva Linga - so most lovely and appropriate. NOW, if you want to be more sure of Tantra being featured, then we can wait a week for the New Moon - start of Waxing Moon phase, and then I'll Nom it. Right now the Moon is declining and usually things begun doing waining moon tend to decrease and be unsuccessful. So Shukla-Paksha (Waxing Moon) period starts in about 9 days and for 2 weeks until full moon. It's common sense Vedic astrology, which is just astronomy and math combined with established meanings. And tradition says start all new things, like VFH, during the 2 weeks of the Waxing Moon. I myself didn't follow this advice until Mecca Vice, and that worked. I bet you had no idea I'm a Sidereal Astrologer who has insight after 45 years of practice. Hehe. Send me your birth date-time-place privately, and I'll do your Rasi Chart and periods of life, and you can test me in reading your past. I'm not worried. Literally Royalty and VVIPs on down, seek my advice from around the world. People actually pay me just for a few paragraphs. But most being VVIPs I do for free. Hehe! Cheers!--Funnybony    21:24, May 31

Sure, let's wait a week. Sounds good that way. And it's yours, mine and the guy that brung it. The page would not feel, look, or sound the same without your many additions. In that week it may well improve with a tweek or two. Astrology is interesting, and you seem to have a grasp of it. Don't know if I'll take you up on your very kind offer of a chart, you may tell me things about myself that are best left to me and my girlfriends. Al des chains 21:35 31 5 MMX

HAAA! It would be fun to see if I can post-dict your past correctly. I don't get into private area. Like sex is all determined by Venus, Emotional stability is known by Moon strength and nature. I deal mostly with "remedy" and "harnessing" by use of fine gems, but I can read past and future too. So we'll just see how right I am about your past - privately by email. BTW:

I think December 22, 2012 is ready to Nom after nearly two years of writing and editing plus Pee review. But best to wait for New Moon to Nom anything. Also, my piece on Skunk Warfare is now HowTo feature, should we try for FA on that, it having already been HowTo featured! It had a Pee review and rewrite with loads of careful edits to date. Whatyya think?--Funnybony    21:51, May 31.

What's this we, kemosabi? I'll be glad to look over your 2012 page again. For myself, I'm just going to coast with Wheel on FA, and that rape page Ptok nommed. Then will wait for the Tantra one. Your page on FA seems to be waterlogging, and I don't know why, it's a good read. Maybe people just don't know the bloke and those who really know him don;'t want to give him anyh more publicity. I dunno. Between us we could nom 10 or 15 pages we like, but I guess pacing is important in the FA groupings. Some pages take off, and others linger. Maybe you;ve got something there with your astrology!!! Al 22:00 31 5 MMX

A video of VFH action and hopes for Lord Monckton and Reinventing the Wheel

2012

It will be interesting to see what the pee reviewer says. You put some real good edits in there. All goes well, although skunks everywhere. Al sans chains 2:25 6 6 MMX

Whew! You're cookin'! Al sans chains 21:31 6 6 MMX

UnNews:Student sentenced for filming porn with school teacher

Please rewrite the ending! US courts, like courts everywhere else I know, do not pass judgement on the victim!

Separately, a gallows-humor commentator on a radio talk show out of Boston has only two reactions when these stories emerge, which you might use in this story: (1) I need to see a photo of the victim before I render my verdict! and (2) Where were teachers like this when I was in school?! Spıke ¬ 00:14 7-Jun-10

Puritan Poetical Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you supporting my recently featured article.

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:33, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

---

2012

Edit sweep, I cut lots of your stuff so you'll have to read it like an outside reader would. Forget what you wrote and read it anew, I think it works, but who knows. A mystery, I tried to center the bottom photo but it won't center. Check my code and see where it went wrong. Thanks for trusting me to have a sweep at this, and since I made it in one post you can compare and change easily. Now I need a drink and a hooker. Al 4:20 (really, 4:20) 8 6 MMX

Sounds like you can't wait for the post apoc. But a cool idea, reporting from the moon, creativism. What do you think of my oily-bird poem? Any other links you can think of? I feel it gives an adequate kick in the ass to BP, one of thousands to come for that scummy corporation. Aleister 19:44 8 6 MMX

Notice of Promotion

Congratulations! You've earned it. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:07, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

Did you know I was a hypocrite?

---

I haven't been here for a while to sing your praises, or otherwise send you positive vibrations through teh intarnets. I've got my eye on you for nomination for a Foolitzer. I noticed the message I left you about NO CHUCK NORRIS above, and thought I would point out my hypocrisy if you hadn't already seen my entry for PLS. I was surprised it wasn't shot on sight. First quote, right off the bat, I break a cardinal rule. Let me know how you like it, if you haven't read it already. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:07, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

Yey Zim! THANKS, Bro! Now I'm an Officer and a Gentleman - because of you! Much appreciated. And I liked your Zim-HowTo a lot. Gotta reread it again, now. The Norris quote is fine (although I won't dare -- hehe!) But I thought it may be better as "kick" rather than hit. But its a riot. Please carry on. --- Whenever you get a laugh from any of my stuff that's the real reward. Awards are encouraging, though laughs are the best rewards. You're much appreciated by me, kind Sir! Cheers--Funnybony    08:35, Jun 9

Hi Zim, the Promotion above goes to Spike, who certainly deserves, so perhaps I spoke too soon. Please let me know so I can congratulate him... Cheers! Dude!--Funnybony    08:50, Jun 9

Oops. Fixed it. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:19, June 9, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Gulf spill 7th sign of Hopi prophecy?

(As I note on Zim's talk page, I'm sure that the promotion applies to you despite containing my name. I already got mine. It will be a thorn in my side that we are of equal rank, but at least my contract calls for me to be paid one dollar more than you.)

Dude! I learned the hard way, NEVER assume anything, and don't change anything. If it says SPIKE then I'm not going to change it in my own favor. Cheers!--Funnybony    17:08, Jun 9

The old Funnybony emerged yesterday, with a great concept but an execution that did everything wrong: A lead that disclosed that it had nothing to do with news but was pulled out of a bodily orifice (I rewrote that), a made-up source that didn't help the reader (ditto), Uncyclopedia in-jokes at the end, and no punch line. And before it could be refined, author had moved on for his next oeuvre. That's French for outrage. Overnight, I.P.Anon assaulted it further (with an eleventh omen involving Robotnik and Chuck Norris) and I reverted, and tweaked it further. This story could be so much better--if it made a point. Spıke ¬ 14:00 9-Jun-10

Yeah, I wasn't even sure that would get published. But you did a good job of saving it and making it acceptable. I was hoping you would. Cheers!--Funnybony    17:08, Jun 9

If this sort of collaboration continues, we shall have a well-oiled apocalypse machine on our hands. Yay! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:34, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Monckton

You flatter me. But i like that. Monckton makes me want to gouge out my own eyes. But that would stop me doing the same to him. --Sog1970 20:59, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Tantra

Hi. The pee review came down for Tantra, John Lydon did a good job and had some good ideas. Can I have a go at it before you play on it? (won't be fore a few hours, or later on Saturday though). I'll do some link fixes (repetitive, etc.), but would like to keep most of the wiki links even though he didn't like them--it makes it more of an educational page--but they could be cut back a bit. He's right about the babysitter stuff, it seemed a little bit too much, just a few touches there. I still like the Tiger Lady, although it scared him too! And one of the best lines went around him, the "thems" line which works well. But anyway, things going on here so I must sign off. More soon. Thanks. Al 21:23 10 6 MMX

You bet, bro! When you're satisfied is when I'm satisfied. Because, apart from satire, it plays up sex (always popular), and is an almost epic article on the subject. Maybe if that Tiger lady is so effective then she should remain.. Did you ever see THIS article I just jixed up a lot? It's short and sweet (in my opinion) but not too short like Pocket Pussy. Let me know when your done. Cheers!--Funnybony    22:15, Jun 10

Womp Rats! AHHHH (Scream). No, never saw it Never want to see it again AHHHHHH Never wanted to see it. Womp Rats!!!! No, never saw it. Will deny I saw it. Have you seen it???? Its creator must have been wonderfully high on a mix of mushrooms dosed with hash oil, eaten and smoked simutaneously. How else can anyone explan Womp Rats!!!!!! Why did I read it? Why would you read it? Womp Rats!!!! Aleister 1:03 11 6 MMX

p.s. Quick very limited pee. Opening pic much larger, so we can see the Womp Rat. And Michael Jackson's name is now like Chuck Norris's, imnho, used only by Womp Rats!!!!!! AHHHHHHH.

Dude! Them thair Womp Rats is gol-dang heros. Mainly because the Womp Rats had heroically acted as practice targets which enabled one star-fighter pilot named 'Luke Skywalker' to develop the skills needed to blow up the Death Star in episode 4. They are the only "real martyrs" in the Star Wars series. Womp Rats have no relationship with Darth Vader, unlike Luke, and so they are definitely NOT bad guys!--Funnybony    01:09, Jun 11

Satan works on his daily bread, to feed the Womp Rats

Ohhhh! So say it up front, make HEROES out of them right up front, the point of the page should be the total honoring of Womp Rats by all residents of the Galaxy. Say it clear, give the suviving Womp Rats medals! Put them on coins. Heroes of the Galaxy, sacrificing to save all life, Yoda loves Womp Rats. You sold me with your first sentences above, now heroize the damn things. Womp Rats!!!!! YAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Al 1:14 11 6 MMX

I want my daughter to marry this Womp Rat. Fuck my daughter, Womp Rat, please. Be my guest. I will bring the two of you champagne! Honor me by deflowering my daughter, my Womp Rat friend

Thomas the Womp Rat who could, sinking to the level of its cousin, the Womp Cokroach, combines forces with other Womp Rats to pester Funnybony's talk page. Thomas the Womp Rat

Womp Rat food

Hi Al, Boy those heroic Womp Rats really got hold of you. I would arrange something, except for one problem - in spite of being in Wikipedia, Womp Rats don't exist in this star system. Besides that, they're suicide targets, they're ugly as sin, and they freakin' stink to high-hell. Hehe!--Funnybony    20:00, Jun 11

'Lo. Womp Rats. I edited Tantra a bit, you can see the changes overall. Links removed or added, some footnotes made of existing material and a bit added, the babysitter references lessened, etc. How does it look to you? And the 12th, has my Mercury kicked in yet? Womp Fats, lookin' good. Al 22:26 12 6 MMX

Dude! Yes! The 12th. Now Mercury slowly (for next 17 years) picks you up. Mercury is benefic, inspiring good living, successful communication and travel. Previously Saturn ruled and was malefic, ruling disaster, humiliation, death of loved ones, worry, and sorrow. So the change-over, Saturn to Mercury, has been slowly crossing over for the last 6 months because of Periods-overlapping somewhat. So expect things to improve more and more from now on for 17 years, specially for communication, nervous system and intelligence, which should be great for writing.

Tantra, I read the entire 100 miles of it. And my main feeling was WAY too long. It starts out great, then develops, and states it's case, and concludes somewhere in what seems to be the middle (now), but then it again starts up and drags on-and-on with all this further information on screwing. It was tedious. It's like two articles combined now, one on Tantra, and another on Tantra Sex Techniques. If you hadn't been the author I never would have read so much, nor even started such a long article. Can't you cut it in half? Or make two articles with all that ton of material? Like Tantra article, and HowTo:Shag or HowTo:Tantra (techniques) article. You have materials for two solid articles, why waste all on one? That's my post-pee.

I developed your PEE of womp rats, making them as important as Luke Skywalker in the success of the Rebels over the Empire. Did a lot of unexpected work on it after your very good comments changed my angle.

Also, Post Apocalypse is now very ready. Should I Nom it with the following comments:

Post Apocalypse

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/December 22, 2012 <-PEE REVIEW by Black_flamingo11

POST PEE COMMENT: Wow, you've really improved this, well done. The narration is awesome. I'll give it a more thorough read through when I have more time and let you know if I have any more suggestions, but again, great work. --Black Flamingo 19:46, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

POST POST PEE: A final clean-sweep editing by Aliester-in-chains to satisfaction in current state. Ready for Nom. Cheers! And welcome to Mercury!--Funnybony    07:18, Jun 13

It looks better if someone besides the writer Noms it. Cheers!

I'll nom the 2012 page right now, it's a good page. And thanks for your tantra comments (but let's hold off on a nom), I've done a clean edit sweep and it reads and looks a lot better. Good comments. (If you ever want to do one of mine I'm dying to get the UnPoetia thing up, fuck BP!). More later, must do things now. Al sans chains12:57 3 6 MMX

Our Tantra page is looking good on VFH, and I think it'll be valuable for people to read. I was surprised when John nommed it, very nice of him. Your 2012 thingy is sitting there amongst losts of pee lit entries, and I have to go vote for Punji sticks, which are still being used in places like Detroit and Amsterdam. Just like Mercury, I must fly. Al 14:37 16 6 MMX

p.s. Womp Rats!

Hey yeah!. But sure! I mean it's an Epic piece loaded with both laughs as well as real valuable info. It was good enough to achieve FA last month already. So sure thing. Great job on that. BTW: Perhaps if you tried a "HowTo" approach rather than "WhatIf" on Wheel, it might get a lot more votes. I mean, it's really good as is, but it's just not a HowTo.

That Punji Stick deal was/is just a fluke that got nomed on a lofty evening. Gee, even surprised me! Ha! It's pretty gruesome, but its a real subject. Maybe it should be "HowTo:Appreciate punji sticks" HowTo article rather than a straight article as is.. What do you think?

Yeah, how about Womp Rats? Later bud! Cheers--Funnybony    19:31, Jun 16

Womp Rats! I mean, Tantra--Funnybony    20:43, Jun 18 20:43, June 18, 2010 (UTC)!

Would you mind if I played with womp rats a little? Both the literal womp rats and the page. Womp Rats! It looks like the fools and rabble here may feature Tantra at some point. Could you prepare a victory-lap template for this one? I've never done a template, and have used photos, but if one of us is as good as you at it, then I anticipate an itself feature-worthy template. And thank you very very much for pointing out that the reinventing the wheel page is a Why? and not a HowTo. Why? works much better. Hey, why haven't you joined our frat, it's got the best hashish at Uncy. It's working on "Taco" this month. Womp rats!!! Oil and gas 19:18 17 6 MMX

This

This is hilarious! Funnybony, you didn't steal it, did you? Thanks for your comment on my HowTo. I can't believe it's featured on the HowTo main page. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 20:13, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Hi Rev! Yes, you can see the link to real news article. I just made it stupid. And bazooka is one of the stupidest words on earth. BTW: What makes an article a spork. "Executed" (THIS news) is also a spork. I try to write original bat-shit insane stories, but Spike prefers real stories, which are all sporks of real stories. I'm happy to note that your taste in humor differs from Spike.. Though he is a riot!

I think your HowTo, with a bit more effort and help, should be an FA. HowTo feature is already a feather in its cap to be FA. Just need to replace-delete anything which might be too corn-ball to some people, and add a bit more disqualifications. Its really fun. Cheers!--Funnybony    20:43, Jun 18

You may be right about HowTo Be Me, but I'm feeling very good about it just the way it is. Plus, I'd have to take the NOT FEATURED thingy off the upper left corner of my user page, and I've grown attached to that. Thanks for your input, even though it it complimentary.

As for sporking, a PARTIAL spork is when you've copied and pasted more than a smidge from another article verbatim; a FULL spork is when a writer copies and pastes the entire article from another source. With regard to differing senses of humor, I think that's what makes UnNews cool. Vive la differance, and all that. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:55, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Nommed

You've been nommed again for a Foolitzer, because you're a frequent and funny contributor, and because I particularly liked the Obama is a Muhammedan article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 14:34, June 20, 2010 (UTC)

AWESOME!!!--Funnybony    11:50, Jun 21

We need to have a whoring Special Operations operation to get you some votes. Be stealthy, unobtrusive, yet effective. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:16, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

EPICNESS

Wow! Did you witness the EPIC FAIL of my article? I can keep my "Not Featured" thingy! Yay! cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:06, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Proof of greatness. I had an old UnNews where NATO fired a nuke in Afghan, they killed 190,000 civilians, just to kill 200 bad guys. Someone nommed it, and also EPIC FAIL. It's the best news I ever wrote. HowToZimbo was featured on HowTo: (where it lives) so, a feature is a feature. Stay cool, Bro! Cheers!

I love that... there exists proof of my greatness. This is a concrete example of my fucking awesomeness, and a thing in the real world that I can point to and say, "I am fucking awesome, I am fucking great, and here's why! Can I get those Enchiladas extra hot?" to my waiter next week. Thanks for the nom, it was a fun ride. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:20, June 21, 2010 (UTC)

Tantra featured later today, and. . .

You are now in the Hall of Shame! Put yourself in there, and the HOS committee is preparing your plaque as we speak. Congratulations!! Aleister 15:00 22 6 MMX

Congratulations.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

YEA, team!--Funnybony    15:26, Jun 22

Sis, Boom, Ba! (a Tantric incestreal victory cheer) Great template, I'll go distribute it. Al 11:06 23 6

Commence to Whoring

I need your vote on this. It's part of my 13 step plan to take over the world. I would tell you all about it but it's like super complicated and stuff. Just help me out by voting though. Thanks. --—John Lydon 04:05, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

SURE! Didn't even know about it until now. GOOD!--Funnybony    09:11, Jun 24

Thanks for your help. When the world is mine, you can have candy. --—John Lydon 12:00, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

Womp Rats love you, too

Al, bro! YeS! Put some love into Womp Rats; but be gentle, and don't get them pregnant, otherwise they might have an FA. Heehee! Cheers!--Funnybony    09:11, Jun 24

Womp Rats!!! Do you think it's time to work on the Yoga page after our suck-cess on Tantra? I'll mainpage what I have with a construction template if you say it's a go. Then the pressure of having to do something will get me out of bed and into the sunlight. Aleister 12:52 24 6 MMX

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:21, 24 June 2010

UnNews:Biden calls brothel mistress a 'smartass' after prostitution comment

Quibble...The reason this doesn't read like news, is because the real news doesn't read like news! Perhaps it's just me and my political biases, but there is something more ridiculous about the Vice President referring to a constituent and taxpayer as a "smartass" based on getting a policy recommendation he doesn't like. I might have dealt with this head-on rather than just randomizing the venue. But your UnNews hits all the other absurdities of the custard-shop visit. At least he didn't ask for his with Swiss cheese, like Kerry did when he ordered a Philly Cheese Steak.

Ah, for the days when all the Vice President did wrong was spell! Spıke ¬ 20:03 28-Jun-10

Hehe! Hey! Spike, how about you go and vote YES on Post Apocalypse and keep it moving. Much appreciated, it is! Cheers!--Funnybony    22:38, Jun 28

Well-Oiled Thanks

Al and Guildy thank you for your vote, this page loves you too. And only the fourth UnPoetia ever featured--thanks again!

I'd like to thank you, on behalf of myself and Aleister, for voting for our article. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:32, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, me too! And thank you for designing and giving us the cool template. Right back at you. Thanks again, Al 23:55 30 6 MMX

And a second Foolitzer!!!

Congratulations, Edward R.! Al 00:05 1 7 MMX

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 12:23, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Womp Rats!

Womp Rats! Congrats on the nom. I saw your note, and no, I don't get half-credit, this is all your page. I tweeked a few things, but added no pics, story direction, section redefinition, etc. I was a glorified editor, paid miniumum wage (in your country, about 15 cents an hour), and when I asked for overtime you pissed on my shoe right after laughing in my face. The only thing that has uplifted my spirits is. . .Womp Rats! Aleister 14:55 1 7 MMX

HHhaarrraannggmMM has been nominated for deletion

You can find the vote thing on the VFD place. Personally, I think that it's a good article. Loopygrumpkins 01:18, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Frat Rat

Why aren't you a member of our frat yet? Iz fun and iz oh so crazzzzzyyyy. The first step in the initiation process is to vote for our Tim Burton on VFH. Then you have to find the frat, and request membership from Skinfan, who judges you and makes you cry from pain. Our next collab will be "Weird", consider the possibilities! Womp Rats! Alei 9:33 3 7

Cool vote. My main contribution there was The Nightmare Before Festivus section. Festivus! Womp Rats! (2012 has the votes, is just mired in the que. Like Virgil Grissom Jr. floating in space, waiting.) WRats! 10:06 3 7

Womp Rats! By the way, have you met Maniac1075. . .you may really enjoy some of his thousands of pages. Only problem is he can't spell or use grammar or cut back his articles, so I've offered to round up a few people to take maybe 2 of his best pages (out of tens of thousands) to proofread. Join us in our task of making Maniac1075 presentable, a good thing to do during the upcoming conservation week. Writing this I realize I should put up a forum about this, and may do so tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow. Womp Rats! A'ster 18:17 4 7

Strange days

Check out recent changes for the last 25 minutes or so. I made an edit which was literally kicked back in time 5 or so hours ago, and then by hitting on random page when I was going to log off I came across a pic to use on my user page, the large one under the cool house near the front of the page. And I'm not even on Soma! Time out of joint 22:15 7 7

It just did it again, with the message above. It says I posted it at 16:53 when it was at 22:15. Time traveling on recent changes! Al 22:19

Keith Richards

Thanks for the adds to the story (unless they were all Zims). You seem to have remembered more about Keith than either he did or I could as I knocked the story out. If the real book is any funnier than our version, it will be worth reading! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 06:17, July 8, 2010 (UTC)

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 11:02, Jul 9

Yet Another Worthless Award

AMAZING FREE GIFT!

As YOU voted for BIBLE! to be featured on the front page,
this FRAMED, VERY RARE and HIGH COLLECTIBLE
JESUS AND LINDSAY LOHAN
issue of the magazine is YOURS TO KEEP!
Generations to come will thank you for this wonderful keepsake.

---

Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:30, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Keith Richards

I like the formatting you have done for the story. Looks a lot more reader friendly. Question is how we go on from here? Perhaps fill up the page with photos of Rolling stones or Keith doing stuff rather than filling out the one line memories?? If the basic joke is the guy can't remember anything (or jumbles it all up) then we could write a lot but I just wonder if that would be stretching it too far. So perhaps a few more pix to make it look like a scrapbook? Or perhaps in the way a book is sometime promoted - to write just a couple of chapters as 'tasters'. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:50, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Post apoc

Has 12 votes for VFH right now, that should be enough to feature it soon. It will be fun to see Gus Grisson Jr. on the front page. And Keith is lookin' good!!! Al 23:04 13 7

Keith

I changed the name of the interviewer to Ruby Tuesday rather than my name. I can't see what else we can add without the danger of over writing it. My one main concern is that it does still just look like one long list. I think by doing it this way - it makes it easier to read. Anyway - I suggest a pee review and it go forward as Lyrics by Funnybonny/Romartus. Put to music by Funnybonny and performed on stage with Belize strippers, the one and only Aleister in Chains. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 09:02, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

Bro! That book ain't in time - and it's a crime if it don't rhyme - you think that be a song? - You musta hit your head with a gong - and gone motherfuckin' wrong! (Joking). HEY! It looks good and complete. As a 1 page book it looks less like a list, and more like an interview. Sure, Ruby Tuesday. To the Pee Review she goes, look out Keith! Good one, Bro! Cheers!--Funnybony    09:23, Jul 14

I added one more, about Keith meeting Chuck Berry. He would always remember that. Hehe! Please check the quote for grammar. Hope it can be included. Cheers!--Funnybony    09:40, Jul 14

Moved to the Pee Review queue. Let's see what happens there. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:49, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

O my god O my god O my god

This is too cool. Almost anyone else, I'd be sad and full of compassion. But for Dick Cheney! Ha. For UnNews (I don't have the gumption to do it myself, but you turn them out like pancakes): Dick Cheney is now a zombie. Seriously, he had an operation which put a heart pump in and NOW HE HAS NO PULSE. He has a machine pumping the blood, something he has to plug into an electrical outlet at night. This was just announced. Dick Cheney has no pulse, and yet still moves and speaks!!!!! Appropriate no end. Aleister 1:16 15 7

Whoa! What's the link? I'm on it after a nap. I already did UnNews for July 15 HERE which I think is funny. Har Har!! Hey, why don't you do Pee Review of Keith Richards autobio one-page heBook. Maybe add more funnies. I mean, this is right down your primrose lane. Cheers!--Funnybony    01:28, Jul 15

Congats on Post! Gus Grissom Jr. will see the light of night! I just signed on, psychicstuff again. The Cheney thing is news, released last night with the operation occuring a few days ago. He's now a zombie with no heartbeat, a perfect description of his character and the harm he's done to humanity. Pee review, nah, you need fresh eyes to really do a good job with it. Someone will pee like a race horse! Aleister 15:43 15 7

Suck on This!

My plans for world domination are nearly complete now that HowTo:Survive the Titanic was featured!Thank you for your part in bringing about the end of the world.

You, who did NOT vote against it, personally, averted the Apocalypse

Post Apocalypse made it into the hallowed cue, thanks to your not voting against it. Now there is no chance the apocalypse will happen...and its all your fault!

Much thanks--Funnybony    18:03, Jul 15

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:26, 16 July 2010

Post apoc

Looks really nice on the front page, I like the format and pic and bold lettering. The first link is to Alfred E. Neuman (Newman!. Yay! And Maniac1075 joined the frat. Yay! Aleister 18:01 17 7

Sure! With your name as Nommer it was 16/0. Dude! Can you do a Pee on Keith Richards one page memoria? With your music back ground, and being the curator of the Rock Hall of Fame, you please feel free to say exactly what you think should be improved. And, when ready, please Nom it. It's RomArtus' Article, but I want to help someone and then see them featured. More satisfying than getting my own FA (As you know). Cheers!--Funnybony    20:38, Jul 17

I'm not a good pee reviewer, never was a good critic of other people's work. In poetry classes in college the teacher made us criticize and review others poems, and I couldn't. I would see their point of view, the meaning of each line at several levels, etc. I will read Keith again, and see if I have some suggestions. As for nom and all, you should wait until Romartus comes back (he was banned for three days, probably for associating with you is my guess). I've got your other article to look at to, the IPSCON or whatever its name is, that one intriques me (esp. the talk page between you and Spike). And yes, it is fun to get someone's pages on FA, which is why I'd like to get some other people to work on Maniac1075's proofreading (I proofed and edited UnBooks:Ex Box and am still recovering my senses and taste buds back, about 60% healed I'd say--that one won't make FA but some of his others def. will, need to get him into the Hall of the Shamed. Why haven't you put yourself in the hall as yet???). Long note here, more soon. Aleister 22:18 17 7

p.s. later. Check out my option-edits on Keith, see what you think

There's a bandwagon on VFH for Suddenly, Raccoons, maybe you want to have a look and if youlikie, jump on board for Hyperbole's 40th. I mentioned you to the guy who wrote "Yes", which is on the feature que. He's got like two messages on his talk page since he joined well over a year ago. Please visit him and bring him cookies! Al 21:16 21 7

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 14:07, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:India unveils prototype of $3 iPad

I overrode your last two edits--but saw them and adopted the line on slave labor. Copyright/patent violations, I think my rendition is better. I cut a bunch of stuff that was surely taken from the wire, such as declining to name the negotiators; doesn't add humor. Glad this one reads like news. Am warming up the vacuum tubes. Spıke ¬ 11:08 24-Jul-10

Hey hey, Spike! I'm always glad to write a story you like enough to edit. Always encouraged. I only wish I could get you to help with ITSCON. Its definitely as parody worthy as any other organized religion. And we have all the funny inside information, thats funny even on the outside. But it needs some/your attention to make it really funny. I say 'your' because you actually did a back ground check on the subject. Please consider. A lot of work went into that, and it has to amount to something. And its close. It just needs a detached edit. Cheers--Funnybony    11:54, Jul 24

The iPad story is now an Audio. (For brevity, I changed your two Indian sources to be the same person.) On ITSCON, I continue to believe that you wrote it not to amuse anyone else but to tell your personal story, and are still likely to reject outside contributions that get in the way of this. Spıke ¬ 12:08 24-Jul-10

Ha. Good one! Well, on Iskcon you're wrong! Yep! Even you. Simply wrong. I didn't write Itscon to tell my story, because its not about me, and I was never any of the things made fun of. I just happen to know the details, many of which are funny. And I wrote it to amuse myself, firstly and foremost, and to get others to laugh as well. So I'm not likely, at all, to reject any help, as you might wrongly speculate. So I am open to anything that will play up the jokes. Nothing to do with me. I was never anything in Itskon. Nor am I mentioned or even alluded too. So where's you case? Since when is being knowledgeable about something a disqualification? Come on, Mate! Cheers!--Funnybony    13:15, Jul 24

Behind the Template

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:00, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

---

These thanks templates will get shorter soon, I promise

Funny: Uncyclopedia Kitten Huffing. Just ... Kitten Huffing. '... so please, do not huff too hard.' Everything Savethemooses has done, really. ... with SAVINGS!!! Wait, what?

(1473 entries were redacted for space reasons—ed.)

'He should write a song about what he had done!' Just how he describes the aftermath ... genius. Their page on TV Tropes, anyone? You're kidding, right? Your Mileage May Vary, I guess. I thought for sure that was a Wall Banger.

TV Tropes is a feature! So I guess, even though I disowned it, I should thank you for your vote on VFH. Thanks! Sir MacMania GUN—[21:15 29 Jul 2010]

Pulling No Punches!

Just read your news article UnNews:Germany mourns Love Festival victims, while Hate Festival boasts no injuries. I can say Funnybony, you're not a writer that likes going soft on a news story! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 20:48, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

Contest today, August 2nd (U.S. time) or 3rd (civilized world time)

(Pre-recorded announcement. I'm going to have to read that news story mentioned above!)

Happymonkey called for a writing contest which will start at 2:00 UTC (10 p.m. eastern time in the United States and other weird countries). Contestents will give each other an exact name of an article at app. 9:59 eastern time, and then we will write until 11:15 (3:15 UTC). We need at least one judge who will look at all the articles, say nay, or yay, or something, and tell us whatever they want to. Please sign up on Happymonkeys talk page, as participant or judge(s), and then we can pair people up around 9:30 eastern and let them know who they will give their page title to. (Inspired by DrSkullthumper's contest of a month or so ago). Aleister 16:05 2 8

Jeff Illustrated

Niiiicccceeeeee, esp. the opening pic. Another masterpiece in the making. I didn't even read the page yet, parts of it, just dwelled in the pics for awhile. We just got done with that Happymonkey writing contest, a 24-hour timed contest. Aleister 2:47 4 8

How'd it go? Yes, take a look at the cover pic now I just updated with angels. Besides what I wrote all the rest is drab boring content. This is the essential Jeff Beck experience, including music from '66 as well as live from 2009 (age 66). Why don't you think about noming it. Seems like a free for all on VFH these days, with anything goes.. Hehe! More news coming through the back channels. Cheers!--Funnybony    03:08, Aug 4

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:10, 5 August 2010

Need some help

I'm working on This Article and I'm running into some trouble with the images. I'm not much of a chopper and wondered if you knew of a way to cut the gifs up into individual images? If you can help, I'll gladly cut you in for 30% of all profits from the sale of the article.--—John Lydon 16:32, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the kind words regarding Monster Party. I thought the Gifs made it too hard to read but you're the photo expert. I would be honored to have it nommed if you thinks it's worthy of it. As for your article. I've already voted on it. Thanks again. --—John Lydon 16:50, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Jeff Beck Illustrated

Added the background. Had to go a little more yellow than peach to keep the quotes section from blending into the background. If it doesn't work to your liking, just let me know and we'll try something else. --—John Lydon 18:26, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

P.S. - Cliffs of Dover is one of my top 5 greatest instrumentals of all time.

Thanks!

I am eternally grateful! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:27, 10 August 2010

"Eternally" is not enough. Cheers!--Funnybony    12:02, Aug 10

JBI

Tried a different formatting. Let me know if this works a little better. I can't fill in the white boxes around the quotes and the book cover image. Those would have to be edited in photo shop and re uploaded. Let me know if you want something different. I'm just getting in to coding but I can figure whatever out if given enough time. --—John Lydon 12:20, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

Hi John! WOW! That's great. Perfect. Don't change what you just did. It's fine. Thanks a mil. And keep me informed of you stuff. And if you get the over-overwhelming urge to Nom Jeff, please go ahead. It's funny, I never even heard the song you mention, and I was Jeff's roommate for a time. Yay team! Cheers!--Funnybony    12:52, Aug 10

Your kidding me! ... You were seriously Jeff Beck's roommate?! That may be the most amazing thing I have ever heard! --—John Lydon 12:57, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

No, not. The most amazing thing you ever heard was a Polish frog sweet-talking Swahili to an Italian hooker and getting laid for free. Hehe--Funnybony    13:15, Aug 10

Kicking out the jams. The caption under the book cover doesn't seem needed at all and takes away from the overall page, esp. with the white now contrasting the yellow background. Smokin'. Aleister 12:58 10 8

PRESTO!!!--Funnybony    13:15, Aug 10

Cool. A nice looking page fer'sre. Did Beck do his share of chores? Did he snore? Did he have chicks over for cuddly sleep overs. Tell tell. Aleister 13:18 10 8

I'm picturing Beck kicked back on the couch with a cigarette hanging from his mouth shredding on guitar and a line of chicks out the door waiting to pleasure him. Don't you ruin my fantasy Funnybony! --—John Lydon 13:27, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

No girls coming over. It was a crash pad that Jeff's road manager, who was former Road Manager for my band, rented for Jeff and put me in there too. For a few weeks Jeff pretty much took me every where in his corvette, including to his girl friends house and I waited up stairs with Mitch Mitchell while Jeff banged on his drum downstairs. I'm mentioned In all Jeff's bio books, and he's mentioned in mine too. Cheers!--Funnybony    13:34, Aug 10

And if we asked Beck, would he say you did your chores? Snore? Those are good stories. Thanks for the Tombstone vote, that was a topic handed me as my contest entry, and I even cut out a lot for use in another article because of the pee review and other people judging--judging me, always judging me, I can't stand it no more I tells ya--so thanks. The page is pretty layered with things, but people may squirm to look at the topic enough to decide on a vote. Red Al 14:11 11 8

A polite, nice, and kind letter from Filmmakers for Lens Flare

Thanks for supporting Lens flare! Sir MacMania GUN—[19:57 11 Aug 2010]

Ze Hall of ze Shame

Killerfroggy decided to put you in the Hall of Shame, so I did a couple of tweeks on the extra names. Go see how the titles are layed-in to see if you want to do them chrono or spelling or just toss the names in the air and see which one lands where. Congratulations! And Jeff Beck should add another (you'd better ask some people to read Keith or it may vanish, people may not be looking near the bottom of the VFH page) Ze shame is upon you. Al 16:58 12 8

FINALLY! Cheers!--Funnybony    17:02, Aug 12

Keith

FEATURED! Yay! You could put the half-point in your section of the Hall of Shame (which is a page that users change themselves, not an admin thing). Congrats, and it will be nice to see it leading off the site. Al 00:29 13 8

yes give yourself half a point as that article was a collab. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:43, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Yay! I did it. That was the most fun article, because working with people, like in music, acapella is a bitch. No fun. And actually I deserve only one third, because Aleister did a masterful editing. Now how to expand/change Jeff? It's an Illustrated book, but, it needs an introduction too. Can you take a shot? Cheers!--Funnybony    11:30, Aug 16

Bring me Chekhov's gun! No, not Pavel Chekov's phaser, you imbecile!

Thanks for voting for Chekhov's gun! Sir MacMania GUN—[17:14 16 Aug 2010]

Russo-Japanese Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I'm considering changing this template, but it probably won't happen.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:52, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

---

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

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--ChiefjusticeDS 12:09, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Joyeux Noel

Thanks for voting for Evan Almighty! Hopefully you'll enjoy this free* existing** copy of Al Franken's Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations audiobook.

--Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 14:41, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Sam Worthington

Thanks for the feedback. I can see that at the moment it's a bit bared-boned but it not a finsihed article. The Joe Pesci route seems interesting but I was trying (perhaps unsucessfully) to go for the asides. I'm happy to leave it up on the pee review to see if anyone else wants to weigh in on the article. I'm just starting off so I'd like the experience, even if it is a shit-fest. If you're interested after that (assuming it's ripped apart) I'm happy to toss it over to you. Maybe you can work some magic. Thanks again for the opinions, I might get back to you.--User:CitizenKeane/sig 20:04 08/22

On Pee you will find either 1) change of direction, or 2) filler. At present it reads like a Wikipedia clone with a bad attitude (even sounds a bit envious). You need to decide if you want humor OR facts? Envy is not funny, neither are well-known facts. Wikipedia is there for the facts. Who needs a dup? Absurd is funny. Facts are only funny if their absurd. But Sam Wiki article is not absurd, it's talent, luck and hard fucking work. But his movie parts are quite absurd if taken literally. Whattya thank? Cheers!--Funnybony    19:19, Aug 22

Suicide Slut

'lo Joe, whatdayaknow. I can think of a couple of little things for the article, but the kabloom slut page, how about another page link on the bottom, showing her meeting her lover in paradise. It could be a pic of some weird guy or whatever you think of. But then the story can continue onto another page where she has a love affair with her lover. . .Aleister 13:38 24 8

We saw the sign that said "No Salesmen or Agents" but we came in anyway

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[15:04 24 Aug 2010]

The following preview is the only thing standing between you and the feature presentation, bwahahahahaha

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[19:51 26 Aug 2010]

Padmé

I reviewed your article here. -- 07:00, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for voting

Thanks to you, the article beige made do with minimal fanfare and much mediocrity. To celebrate, I have another audio for you. User:Mrthejazz/sig 03:32, August 28, 2010 (UTC)

Forum debates

Two Forum threads have sprung up: Forum:UnNews rant proposes changes to the policy on excessive highlighting in stories, and Forum:Vote: New UnNews Main Page proposes a complete replacement of the Front Page. As the most prolific contributor, it is surprising that you haven't weighed in with an opinion. Spıke ¬ 13:56 28-Aug-10

Hi Spike, I don't pay attention to forums. I just write for a laugh. If anything changes please let me know so I can do it right. Thanks. Cheers!--Funnybony    14:51, Aug 28

A pic

Hi. I found this pic on random searches, a half way nice wave. It doesn't have any categories, do you categorize these things? A wave to you! Aleister 11:25 29 8

That wave would be category "gnarly". Cheers!--Funnybony    11:54, Sep 1

Is there a Surfing category? Lots of things would fit it now, mainly from you and a couple of others. Al 12:00 1 9

p.s. There isn't! Why don't you put one up, and list your pages and all the pics you've found. Surf's up????!!

p.s.s.There is also not a Jewelry category (I looked for it for Pearl necklace, an article I'll try to save from VFD. Come work on it, and we can feature this monstrosity.

Oh...please not! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:26, September 1, 2010 (UTC)

I, too, bloople the notion on jewelry category, although Wikipedia has one. But Surfing us a funny category. Like, check THIS picture I made (below, look down..) Cheers--Funnybony    18:30, Sep 1

Methinks Romartus was nixing the idea of a feature for the great Pearl necklace page. I'll put up the categories Surfing and Jewelry, and you can add articles and pics and maybe verbage to them. Aye! Aleister 19: 13 2 9

Yeah, great. Only problem is my ignorance. I don't even know how to save a talk page archive.. last time MrN did it for me. Dah! I would if I could. Hey, here's a potential FA: Tony Jaa, Nomms away! Cheers--Funnybony    19:19, Sep 2

Whoops, my next note was posted under the picture. See there. Al

Laird Hamilton bullies the Pacific Ocean - again - and he didn't even get his hair wet.

Categories up and ready to be filled. Oh, an archive is easy. Just open a new page user:Funnybony/archive1, then cut and paste your entire talk page to it, then delete your talk page except for stuff you want to keep on top or something. Aleister 19:22 2 9

Would anyone be so kind as to NOM THIS!?

Just for the heck of it. I would if I could. Cheers--Funnybony    20:33, Sep 1