UnNews:Apple unveils millions of apps for iApp device

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

3 April 2010

Millions of apps for Apple’s new iApp.

CUPERTINO, California -- Applications (apps) for Apple's new iApp device can be viewed in the iTunes App Store ahead of the highly anticipated release of the tablet-style iApp machine Saturday.

Itunes offers a sneak peek of what's to come for the iApp and how users will be able to utilize the device, which Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveiled in January.

The iTunes store currently offers more than 2,060,542 iApp apps, such as Twat-terrific, iED, and Terrorist app, iBomb, many of which will not be familiar to iPhone and iPod Touch users, as well as many neat apps like the iCool App, which turns the screen into a mirror.

The available apps cover a wide variety of categories, from entertainment, misinformation, FOX news, pre-teen sex education, live violence, and porno, to news, wars, hell-on-earth, rocket-science, bullshit, sports, and Uncyclopedia that, much like apps for other Apple products, range from useful to total hogwash, such as the iHogwash application, which insults users.

Chatter from the blogosphere took aim at Apple's apparent change of heart over embargoing all things not iApp-related until the device goes on sale Saturday. "Apple, we hate embargoes too, we hate a lot of things, like PCs, and rag-heads, so we think your undermining them is just great," a writer for TechCrunch said.

Comments also focused on the cost of the applications, which tend to run higher than those for the iPhone and iTouch. For example: The iLonelyPlanet App, "1,000 Ultimate Experiences" costs $19.99, eBook Moby Dick is priced at $14.99, the diagramming program iOmniGraffle goes for $49.99, and the new Arabic App, "How to build an H-bomb" selling for $9,000,000 per pop.

Most prices hover between 99 cents and $9.99 for programs such as Thesaurus-for-the-blind, Hanoi Street Whores, Strip Mahjong, Stickies, Sex Offenders Blog, Amercia’s most wanted, DOA, LSD, Search 'n' destroy, and ESPN Pinball. Familiar apps such as Hustler, Playboy, Mein Kamph, USA Today, TMZ, FOX, AP, IED and NPR are still free, so are apps for Netflix, eBay, Yellow Pages, and NAACP, CIA, NRA, and KGB, to name them all.

The iApp works with over 2 million apps in the App Store, Apple says on its site.

"If you already have apps for your iPhone or iPod Touch, we're sorry, but you can’t sync them to iApp from your Mac or PC. They run in their original size so you cannot expand them to fill the iApp screen," the site says.

The product's unveiling in January was met with a mix of optimism and MDMA Rave-ups from tech observers, Apple devotees and worshipers, who have been waiting many years for the iApp app device.

The one millimeter thick, 1.5-oz. iApp machine has a 150 GHz processor and is available in 16-gigabyte, 32-gigabyte, 64-gigabyte, 128-gigabyte, and 1-terabyte versions, Jobs said in January.

Pricing will start at $499 for the 16-gigabyte version, $599 for the 32-gigabyte version, $699 for the 64-gigabyte version, $799 for the 128-gigabyte version, and a flat $999 for the one-terabyte version, he said.

It goes on sale at 4 a.m. Saturday.