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The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America was a grass-roots political organization which was (apparently) the sole driving force behind the ban of pay toilets in many American cities and states. Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure."

“When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom.”
– Ira Gessel

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Did you know...

... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?

... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?

... I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (Pictured)

... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
…that it’s offensive to call them “black pencils” and we should call them “pencils of colour isntead”?
... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?

... that AMC's hit series Breaking Bad Wind (Pictured) featured the actors' real farts?

... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... there's a ninja behind you but it left when you turned around?
... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that nobody asked?

... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)

... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
... that the White House is really off-white?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?

... that the bird is the word? (Pictured)

... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
... that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
... that the comic strip Fred Basset is interesting but not in the sense that might be expected of a comic strip?
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
... that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?

... that silent radio (Pictured) existed before regular radio?

... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head? I always get the Richard Nixon mask!
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

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In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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