User:Gerrycheevers/Water Gun Drive-Bys

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In the "hoods" of Devon, there is a frightening new phenomenon which has grown in number over recent years, Water Gun drive bys. It all started when Joe Blogg of the South side Bloods, gave the "V" sign to Jamie Watson of the North Town Riders. Since that fateful day of 2005, many people have been cut down in the watery crossfires of Devon. The season starts from March and lasts until September, culling thousands upon thousands of innocent civilians caught up in the waterfire.

How the Police Deal With This Horrifying Problem

The lethal 100ml water pistol, shockingly easy to get a hold of.

The local police have assigned 50% of their department to this type of crime, and both of these officers are treating it very seriously. (There's four police officers in this area; they've seriously cut down the funding at Devon) Inspector Christopher Wallace, a useless bum, has one whole day of experience in this field. I've recently had the honor of inspecting the Inspector, who had to say, "This crime has grown massively in recent years, and I have taken most of the blame, but the problem is that we just don't have the equipment. It's quite nerve-wracking when you apprehend these ruthless, cunning, intelligent, water-gun wielding, noisy, and lippy criminals without waterproof clothing of your own to wear. I might get wet and have a weird boner! Another thing is that it is very hard to give chase to these thugs' cars while hard, as they are very powerful cars, such as the new Nissan Micra C+C and the Toyota Anus, both which have 1.6 horsepower."

Inspector Wallace recently managed to catch one thug when his car ran out of diesel fuel. This thug had been responsible for many atrocities including:

1. Two water gun drive-by shootings
2. Speeding
3. Parking illegally
4. Swearing
5. Seeing a movie rated 15 when he was 14
6. Killing an ant
7. Swearing
8. Grand theft candy
9. Lying to elected officials
10. Swearing
11. Stubbing out a cigarette
12. Staying up past bedtime once in 1991
13. Swearing

There was also a few minor offenses, including:

1. Regicide
2. Genocide
3. Swearing
4. Homocide
5. Homicide
6. Car theft
7. Swearing
8. Fraud
9. Pimping
10. Self-prostitution
11. Swearing

Police are deeply baffled as to who is masterminding these gangs, but a recent investigation has revealed that there is indeed a mastermind who has secretly backing all three of the these gangs, however they only know him/her as <insert name here>. Whoever he/she is Inspector Wallace is hell bent on sending them to prison, forever, and ever and ever and ever and ever, and then a little bit more, while stealing their chains.

The Gangs of Devon

The Morris-dancing club committee wearing their 'Colours' in a local 'Hood'.

There are three main gangs in Devon.

• South Side Bloods: These thugs are responsible for most of the wet clothing in the area.
• North Town Riders: Recently mourned the loss of their leader. He moved to London.
• Morris-dancing Club Committee: By far the most dangerous gang, those sticks could really do some harm and their ways of dancing paralyze even the most focused law enforcement officers.

How the Gangs Deal with the Police

The Army have realised the potential of these weapons.

The police, or a force for evil as they are better known in Russia, are a problem for the local gangs. I managed to get an interview with the youngest member of the Morris Dancing Club Committee, on the condition that I didn't give out his name, but being a journalist, I'm a lying bastard so my word doesn't mean shit, Jack Morris."Well, the police round 'ere are well out of orda', innit; they gone and shut down our discount gummy bear racket for no reason, yeh. Anyway I got the Supernintendo of da police on ma payroll, 'cept I din't have ta pay 'em cos ee's mi dad. De u'ther day we was dissed by them South Side Bloods so we went down and puts some fucking water on 'dem fools, innit." This is an increasingly common event in Devon.