Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/21

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A very thoughtful message by PopGoesTheWeasel[edit]

A very thoughtful piece of art written by PopGoesTheWeasel

By PopGoesTheWeasel

Ladies and gentlemen, my morbid fascination with the VFH and the votes there has led me to speak, with great injustice in my eyes and pain pounding in my chest! I have to say this. It is to my observation and I have failed to see the moral behind this. I need to speak. The generation requires this. For it has been known from the age of moral, the time has come. We are in one of the most vulnerable positions I have ever known since I have stepped into the Uncyclopedia community.

The rise and fall of what has been so conceived to be important has now failed to even reach the toes of men. We require the essentials. We require what has never been spoken of. We need ...

penis

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHhadgqhbgfqwqf

LOL

No, but seriously. VFH needs more votes. I don't care if it has been highlighted to many times but seriously! Come back and admire the articles! Stop masturbating and come back! We need you!

We need ... enlightenment.

--POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown.jpg 09:36, October 25, 2012 (UTC)

I will certainly consider adding this drivel at an appropriate time. And place. You just wait. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngFri, Dec 7 '12 8:58 (UTC)

I'll[edit]

work on this week's Unsignpost if need be. --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 03:39, November 21, 2012 (UTC)

Whoops, didn't see yer comment here! I'll let you know if I need any help. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngFri, Dec 7 '12 8:54 (UTC)
Kk, BB. --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 17:38, December 7, 2012 (UTC)

A Message from the Sponsors[edit]

Good to see that someone/some people have revived UnSignpost. It's a lively read. I have stopped looking at the New York Times and the Daily Mail since your publication sprang back to life. --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 16:16, December 12, 2012 (UTC)

Glad to hear it. You're welcome. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngWed, Dec 12 '12 16:34 (UTC)
I trust you will cover the recent influx of excellent new writers to this site. --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 22:29, December 16, 2012 (UTC)
Maybe. Would you like to write a piece on 'em? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngMon, Dec 17 '12 13:35 (UTC)
I know...I do so little around here...ok..when's the deadline? --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 15:06, December 17, 2012 (UTC)
Any time before Wednesday morning U.S. time. I would do it, but I'm setting up a mail server, and by "setting up", I mean "failing miserably at setting up". ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngMon, Dec 17 '12 15:15 (UTC)
OK...but where would I post it? I haven't contributed to UnSignpost before. --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 15:18, December 17, 2012 (UTC)
Userspace or here, doesn't matter. If you put it in your userspace, link here and I'll take care of the rest! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngMon, Dec 17 '12 16:00 (UTC)
See below. --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 09:14, December 19, 2012 (UTC)

Outbreak of Noobery[edit]

How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed?' and other variations or the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny!' So what we can do here but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well scrubbed! In recent months we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who] or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater and the ferocious Fakehater who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phoney. Then there is Murder_Frog who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers. Another newbie who is currenly taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground look for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog related stories is Igotnothing whilst from the land of Sean Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places (here, there or everywhere). Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door. The jury is out and so am I tonight. So go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

--Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 23:46, December 18, 2012 (UTC)

No, we ARE doomed. Unless we exodus.--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! Offensive flag.png 09:05, December 19, 2012 (UTC)

Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet![edit]

If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please?

Also, some users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody!

On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from his first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame!

And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll kill help you.

That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup.

--ڰโ٣ Ṗ€Áʃeɰɧĩʐʑ ďé Ňөщ Y০гk Ťá|k & ЯерlЧ Ѕтаlк 23:11, 8 January 2013 (UTC)

The Return of Not Jedis, but rather Old Users[edit]

No, we do not mean users with ages soaring into the atmosphere. Well, I hope so. Because 80 year old users would be weird, just saying.

However, users who had currently quit the Wikia back up to years ago have now returned, and maybe all will return. Why did they leave? Protest mainly, or traveling the world. The world is big, however, so that could explain things.

Some sysops have returned, including MoneySign, Legokmk, etc.

On the hand of the those who aren't admins, TheSlyFox sneaks back into sites, ColinAYB has returned, and even Acmed2 has returned after his rage quit in September of 2012.

So basically, what is to be said for here is, well... Uncyclopedia attracts quality writers that write from the heart, which Wikia wouldn't allow. Everybody, here's a life lesson: Down with Wikia.

...What do you mean by "rage quit"? --All rise for Billy the King! (talk) 01:22, 4 March 2013 (UTC)

-- Kamek siggy.png ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:00, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

Argument on swastikas is fading[edit]

Recently, I have raised a master debate on HGA's (who desires to be called HGA instead of his actual username, so don't call him Aimsplode by his actual username ever! You can read about the reasons here, where he also made a speech that made many children cry due to its beauty. If I shall quote the great Aimsp-er, HGA himself:

“I love the swastika. I find it bold, and very rigid, just as Hitler intended (usually, only the Nazi-stylized version, such as this). It's almost mesmerizing how beautiful such an object can be. That is why I use it as my person identification symbol. I want to be associated with this figure. If I didn't, then hell, I wouldn't be using it.

Another reason is my facination with the Nazi Party, and Hitler: the order, regimented society, propaganda. He was a fucking genius, Hitler. He wrote all his own speeches, made his own tours, just to keep the public in a trance. He had human psychology to an art. He new how to run his country perfectly. His only blunder was attacking the Russians, which was caused by his lust for world domination too quickly. If he had kept pounding the British, and had a little more patience, surely he would have won. This lifestyle, rise and fall, rage and grace, interests me to no end. I love spending time picking apart the various aspects of Nazi society, and Hitler's life.

A few of my views fall in line with Hitler's, but nothing substantial. I would not be massacring people, of course: that only make conflict. And in this day in age, it is impossible to pull off such a feat as him in such secrecy”
~ HGA on his swastikas and Hitler

So there ya have it folks, HGA ≠ Nazi.

So hopefully, Kip's influence off my original forum will die down and stop influencing others. Like Joey's instinct to respond, as seen here: Joey Number's sig.

However, DO NOT confuse these mock threads with this response seen here, as Socky has a very good point. Go vote now!

-- Kamek siggy.png ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 02:19, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

The spam finds its way[edit]

Nobody could have expected the return of the spam. I'm just kidding. Everyone knew it was going to happen. Recently, Ly has made it so editing is more open to those who aren't "users" and with that, came the inevitable spam. Probably the first major bit of spam came from a user who was putting a troll face in 400px on many pages (including category pages). I alerted Lyrithya on IRC and she blocked the user with a time of infinite. I had already put the user on Ban Patrol. Yes, Ban Patrol. We need to kick it into gear now. Like it once was. Ly's ban is show in the block log and is also exampled in this edition of your favorite paper (the Unsignpost, duh) and we want more of it.

So please, get your spam spray ready, the Ban Patrol ready to penetrate, and your anti-spam mind in motion. That is an order!

-- Kamek siggy.png ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 19:42, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost article(both sites): the Cold War update[edit]

The Cold War Update

by Meganew

Well, ladies and gentlemen... It has begun. For those of you who don't know, the great internet humor wiki known across the world as Uncyclopedia has officially split. While there are those who remain loyal to the original(now Wikia-owned) Uncyc, others have left and formulated a site of their own, "Free Uncyclopedia," if you will. Every Saturday, starting this week, I will give an update at User:Meganew/Uncyc Cold War on the current situation, sharing details with the populaces of both sites on any updates pertaining to the current split. Post on that page's talk page if you wish to give your input as a Wikia Uncycer or a Free Uncycer.

Some of you may wish to know how this started... It all goes back a very long time ago, when a man named Chronarion sold the original Uncyclopedia(uncyclopedia.org) to Wikia, the company originally created by Jimbo Wales as a hub of wikis for various specific subjects. Over the years, Wikia did a great many things to Uncyclopedia, including domain name updates, restrictions on hardline levels of satire, and most notable of all, the censoring of all unclad racks on the entire site. The final spark was(according to Frosty, one of the Free Uncyc leaders, a heavy demand over adding a North America-only suicide prevention hotline to the suicide page. Regardless of the circumstances, members were tired of Wikia, and as such left the site to formulate their own variant.

A primary difficulty for years was the fact that there was no original domain name that a new Uncyclopedia could be built on. Uncyclopedia.org was in Wikia's hands, after all. Incapable of simply leaving, a domain name ([en.uncyclopedia.co]) was eventually found, and the move was made by the majority of writers and the like. The inevitable struggle between these two wikis will prove to be most interesting to watch as it plays out.

Until next week, keep on trucking!

Meganew, Reporter

UnVoyage - journey around the world without leaving your seat, the ultimate travel experience for lazy people![edit]

Uncyclopedian Yrtneg has created a new project - UnVoyage. It's a parody of Wikivoyage. It's a fake travel guide with pages like "Space", "Hell", and etc. Now of course, we're all going to forget about it before six months, but who cares. Go ahead and add some pages! Bitch. Right now there's nothing but who cares. Uncyclopedian Carlb suggested making pages like "Titanic" and "the moon". The main page is at UnVoyage and it's pretty fucked up. Go check it out! — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) Jan 23 2013 18:42.

First month of the Real Uncyclopedia, a sexy & successful one[edit]

January is over, and to sum things up; the Real Uncyclopedia is doing well. Along with the move, we had multiple features, new users, successful donations, the opping of Bizzeebeever, the new ability to check users, the return of TheLedBalloon and Dawg, etc., a new Uncyclo-project called UnVoyage, new gadgets, name changes, a new poopsmith, more boobies, and even edits from a V6 IP address! Last but not least, the USP is getting done.

So thank you all and we hope to see more joy in the months, years, decades, centuries, and even galactic light-years to come! -- Kamek siggy.png ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 18:53, 26 January 2013 (UTC)