Footsex is a form of sexual expression by using your feet. Before you know it, your feet have a mind (and stench!) of their own! Your toes will crave for that sensational feeling between them, and no... that's not the lint. You'll be a pedophile before you know it (pedo meaning feet of course). What reeks!?!
History of Footsex[edit | edit source]
Once upon a time, during the French Revolution, Footsex started as an interpretive dance for the French soldiers at war to keep them occupied. Soldier George W Bush was one of the most enthusiastic practitioners of this pastime. Bush enjoyed it so much that he moved to the New World and named it 'The United States of Footdom'. Spain had a problem with the name, wanting to keep it America which means bull.
What is Footsex[edit | edit source]
"How do I have Footsex?"[edit | edit source]
What you do is wait until your victim is unprepared, ninja up behind them and wait until they bend over... Stick your foot between their legs.... and then... rub your foot.... on their foot. This is known as Foot Rape, it is not yet a federal offense though it is outlawed in Kansas on account of too many incest toes running about. It is the only way to have Footsex, any other is just wrong. Many people (especially Europeans) seem to think that ramming the foot and foot area into the victims anus is the most pleasurable way to have footsex. This however is not footsex...but a different form of anal sex created by Paul McCartney in the 1960's.
Protection[edit | edit source]
After Footsex became a very popular recreation in the United Kingdom, FTD's (Foot Transmitted Diseases) became a problem worse than myspace. To solve the growing problem famous scientist Svante August Arrhenius came up with the idea of a "Foot Condom" otherwise known as a sock. A foot condom comes in a variety of colors and styles. Such as; sports socks (for the athletic footsexers), tube socks (for the more traditional), toe socks (for those hard to reach places), knee highs (for the very protective), and nylons (for that slippery smooth feeling). Remember to use a foot condom! mwahahaha!
"Super Protection"[edit | edit source]
Because foot condoms can break, the Egyptians invented a stronger condom, called a shoe, for those people who don't want to have to pay child support.
But perhaps the strongest form of protection of all is the soccer cleat. The supple leather means the ultimate pleasure for your partner and the metal studs at the bottom means you can easily cut through your victims colon and intestines with ease.