User:Fenris2010/Cursed Uncyclopedia

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W̶̢̨͈͎̬͙̗͈͕͙̥̙̰̳͐̈̄̈̿̀́͊̃͛̽̽͋̚͝͝͠e̸̯͂ĺ̴̢̛̳̯̰̖̣͕̯͎͕̱̅̉̍̊̃̽͜͜͝͝͝c̵̨̢͈̈̈̇̃͂͆̄͊̈́̍̉̚̕̕ö̴̙̹́m̶̧̳̲̥̦̪̫̬̠̺̆͋͆̾͗́͜͜ë̶̛̟͖͇̼͔̹͚́̂̑̏̑̒̔̔̓͐̚͘ ̵̨̢̪̻͚̣̮̖̺͈̖̅̌̊̄̆͂̈̃͘̕͘͠͝ͅt̷̅̏̑͆̒́̾͌̑̆͘͠ͅǫ̷̡̛̮̤̖͓̟̯̯̟̲̽͊̎̾̐̑̎͌̐̆̒̉̉͗͠͝ ̴̡̯͔̳̻̮̼̿͜C̴͈͖͓̭̟̺̲̙͎̱͚̳̻̟͕͈̽͑͜ư̵͎̩̥̼̫̭̠̼̝̱̬̗͐̀̓̂̄͋̄̓̑̈́̉̓̐͗̌̇́r̵̢̛̤̣͖̬̭̜̦̖͇͙̭͔̠̉̅͊͊̒͋̽͆̌̋͑̓͋͋̏̀̇̕͜s̸̡̛̱̺̱̥̫̦̟̻̮̖̆̑͗͐͗̽̑̉͂͛̔̒͝ͅȩ̴̬̹̣̣̻̟̳͖͉̙̪̠͈̻̙̠̣̈͜͜d̴̫̮̮̲̩̫͈͆͛̑̔̌̊̈́̊͒̽̕̕͜͜͝͝ ̶̪͔͓̩̼͕̠̈́͒̈́͐̈́̾͗̀̆̑̆́̇̅̚Ư̷̡̨̢͍̹̝͍͙̣͕̪̻̺͖͑͂͐̏̐̔͆̇̔̕̕͝͝n̶̝̰̯̥͖̯̝͕̣̝̠̫͌̒͑̔͌͋̓͋̏̌͊̍̅̏̕͝ͅc̸̙̥̈́̅̆̐̔̀͛̈́́̃̋́͐̓̄͝͠ỳ̴̢͕̰̭̼̠͖̩͖̾͗ć̷̢͚͓̩̩͗͛̀̈͊͗̄̐̓͛̂̈́͠l̶̢̞̹̻͉̖͉̠̮͇͇̘͈̝̱̠̍͘͜͜o̶̢͎̰̥͕̠̹̰̟̐̃̉́̓̌͐̄̓̚͠͝p̸̧͚̗̻̙̫̺̩̲̑͝ę̸̛̤̦̪̽̽̇̍̅͂̽͒͋̾͠ͅd̷̢̥̟̦͔̥̙̻͑͛̌̋͒́̏̐́͌̾̈͜͠i̷͓͙̦̾̽̕̚̕͝a̵̧̺̘̗̜̘̺̩̗̓͊͌̍̏̋,̴̨͓̜̥̉
ẗ̴̻̤̝͎̯̮̖͓̥͕̰̤́́͌̂̀̽́̅̅͊͛̽̾̏́̍̈́̏͘͜h̶̤͗́̉͘e̸̤͎̳̞̰͆̀̊̒̍̏͑̾͑͒̿͆̋̔͠͝ ̸̢̢̢̬͕̫͎̼̞̥̗̟͙̬̳͓̙̘͍̍̒̌̏̾̆͂̊͒̏̑̓͘͘͠͝͝c̵̨̖̣̦͔̯̥͖̳͓̭̤̈́̔̉͗̓̋̄̔͐̌̇̒͌̃͝ȕ̴̡̨̱̗̝̘̫̲̣̭̙͉̼̈͑̄̒̊̈́͌̈͊̃̂͆̀̆͆͒̽͜͝ͅr̸̨̢̜͕̞̪̥̰̩͇̥̜̞̫̫͐̓͌̑̃͛̇̑͊̾s̶̢̧̛̰̠̜̗̽̎̄͆̒̋̔́͂͘e̸̛̛̥͈͓̗̺͙̩̗̎̔̋̿͆̔̒͋̑͒̈́̚͘͝͝d̵̢̢̡̡̨̩̝͍̘̤̠̬̹̼̰̭̐̏̈́̎̅̃̋́̐̾̇̈͝ͅ ̷̧̨̛̮͈̱̞̲̣̦͍͈̭̖͓̳̻̻̞̮̫̈́̀̏̊̀͛͆̀̈́͂̒͠͝e̴̯̮̺̰̖̟̝͈̠̟̜͑̀͂́̀͆͆̀̃̀̌̈́͂̋̒͊n̴̻̠̠̺̞̈́͗͂̌̂͂̄̆̍͛̒́͐͗̾͘̚ͅͅc̷̢̥̺͚̗̲̻̰͉̥̼̩͎̣̯̣̠̳̊y̷̢̡̡̰̰̩̮̬̬̑̏̈͆͐̂̊̉c̸͓̫̰̦̥̗͓̬̘̯̻͍͓̄ļ̶̢̢̛̦͎͍̻̱̹̭̥̊̂́̓͑̇͊͐͛̂̔̈́̕̕̚͜͝͝ͅͅo̷̡͈̩̩̝̪̙̱͚̮̪̯̪̓̓̐̉̅̀͂̓̋̇̿͗̒̅͑͘͠͝p̵̧̨̡͓͍̹̲̖̰̩̥̟̀̎͗̽̍̉̄̆͛̄̒͘̕͜e̷̡̨͍̖̫̘͍̻̻̯̳̰̱̜͚͆̿͗͂̈̒͑͂̒͗̓̕͜͝͠d̷̡̛̦͎̙͋̇͛͛͂̿̑͊͂̑̔̓̈́̈́̚͠i̸̻̩̦͎͓͈͇͓̜͎̞̤̰̬̲͍̠̯͉̓̊̓̀̂̕̕ḁ̸̱̦̟̭̂̋́̕ ̴̧̳̤̣͖̘̔̊̈̈́̐̕̕͝t̵̝̪͕̉̾̓͂̈́̏͠h̶̛͕̞͓͖͎͆̔̎͗͒͘͜͝â̶̧̡̛͓̟̥̟̓̕̚t̶̢͓̱̩̼̼̘̜̖̜͍͎̱̘͔͍͍̙̙͐͛̈̈́͆̐̔͘͝ ̸̢̨̛̛̺͍͔̫͈͕̬͖͔͕̦̂̈́̃̆̅̂͂͐̒͑̌͑̅͜͝a̶͕̟͒̋̌̒̄̉̓͆̊̿̀̆̃͠͝͠͝n̸̗͉̠͖͇̼̼̈́̈́̑̈́̏̍̀̄̿̅͐͐͊́̊͘͝͠ͅẏ̶͎͙͍̗̓͑̃̂̅̽͗͐̉̕͝o̷̢̜͖͔̠̗̲͖͗̃̎́́̿n̵̢̛̖̻͚̥̤̞̟͋̈́̑̉̐̈́͒̋͆̽̽̅̀̇͂͒̃͜è̶̡̢̨͍̭͉͓̘͕̩̳̱͙̠̠̠̈̌͂͊͗̈́̈̍̀́̊͊̈́͜͝ ̶̨̨̲̻̗͓̠̘̠̯̙̪̯͓̩̱͍̻̈̏̇̀̄͑͘͜͝c̴̗͙̱͛̓͌̏̃̏a̷̧̨̨̧̦̗͙̰̯͍͚̖̱̠̭͇̐̒̇̈́̇͆̈́̌̌͗̂̚̚͜͠͝ͅn̴̰̳͔̦̟̤̺͇̗̩͓̝̻̪͛̎ ̸͉̲̜̱̞͙̌́͑̐̀̈́͗͝ͅͅȅ̷̞͙̗̼͕̰̱͚͈̘̣͔̩͙͇͈̗͐̑̾̄̊̓̑̽́́̔̃́̔̔͜ͅͅd̷̡̢̢̥̻̰̹͍̳̜͇̫̍̈̀i̷̧̪̱̼̗̜̥̞̰̭̰̫̯̖͍̽̋͋̀͜t̵͙̱̩̞͉̫̞̠̥̘̙̞͖̩̬̩́̿̔̀͊̍͒̍̕͜

F̶̨̪̖̥̤̥͉̯̬̜̺̪̣̊̅͒̽̇́͑̐̋͆̽̾̃̅̊͝͝͝ͅr̵̨̩͔̥̺͆̈̄̊̿̈́̆̓̉̽͐̃o̸̢̢̧̫̹̜͇͖͖̠̱̙͕̫̯̤̱̳͗̓̾͗͛͂̓̓͛̚͜͠͝m̴̡̜͇̥̣͎̀́̕͝ ̸̢̹̲͙͕̫̜̳͝ͅt̸̪̫̺͔̼̜̮̹͉͔̲̤̣̱̲͇͔̟͎͆̑́́͗̏́͐̃͂̓͛̒͒̈́̕͝͠͝ͅơ̵̡̨̢̛̛͔̙̝̖̪͔̞̠̗̦̫̫̥͈͐̋̄̅̎͂̔̂́̈́̾̈̕̕͠͠ḑ̵̲̞̻̬̮̰̤͍͈̼͓̤̇́̑̏́̈̇̏́̏̊͂̎̑̒̅̚͘ͅạ̴̜͔̮̮̝̼̱͓͓͉̗̲̖̤͂̍̀̍̔͋́͂̽̉͊ͅȳ̸̡̨̧̛̻͙͉̭̭̝̝̗̩̻̭̜͔̙̻̏̂͛̾͛̿̊̄̑͘͝ͅͅ'̴̛̱͊́̊͋̒́̋͊̈́͑͗̿̚̕̚͝s̸̘͕̤͇͕̠̙͕̣̑̏̃̕͜ͅ ̷̡̢̭̪̪̲͓̯̮̯͈͉́̅͗̊̋͂̊̂̓̂͌̈́̍̓̚f̵̡̢̨̺̞͚̹͖͐e̶̮͍̻̥̯̙͖̤͔̹͉͐̈̌̃̆͆͛͛͌̒͗̔̈́̈́̋͒̀̚͝a̶̢̨̨̦̺̟̣̠̘̻͈̘̻͓̦̍̂ͅͅṫ̶̢͙͖̪̺̺͇̰͈̪̰̦͔͖̗͎̬̏̾́̀ư̵̪̖͔͉̲̝͖̜̆r̵̢̫̩̝̤̘̭̼̻̺̉ͅe̵͚̤̬̞̙̼͑̅̈́͜d̸̙̱̬̟̣͓̰̳̑͌̐̉͑̃͊̾̃̃͛̓͑́̓̕̕͠ ̴̨̛̛̥̗̣͓͙̫͕̲͔̤̣̞̒͐̆̋́̚ȁ̴̛̹̫̃̌͌̑͌̿̚ȓ̷̨̡͖̝̍̍t̴̢̛͔͖̗̒͋̓́͑̉͊̅́̄͛̚i̵̡̢͖̜͈͓̥̲͈͉͙̩̮̱̼͒̀́́́͂́͐̓̐͝c̴̛̘͎̻͉̥͉̦̤̹̈́̓̂̉̈̌͆̄̍̿͂̃͂̇͋͘͠͠l̵̡̧̝͈̗̳͔͉̫̼͔͈͂͊̿̂̇̀̊͑̇̆̎̅̀̕͠ē̷̢̛̼̞̺̘͙̬͉̪̜̂̉̀͌̃̐̓͋͝ͅ 

President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following air strikes on Caracas and the successful capture of Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro, Donald Trump was given yet another Nobel Peace Prize for his commendable work of putting an end to the war he started approximately three hours ago. This tallies his Nobel prizes to fifteen so far (three in one year) which is an accomplishment as it is only a yearly award.

Chief of Staff Susie Wiles lamented the lack of shelf space to store all of Trump's numerous Nobel Peace Prizes (all of them legitimate and certified Swedish). This was the real motivation for adding a ballroom extension to the White House, in part to throw lavish parties in a time of economic struggle, but also for a place to store all of Trump's Nobel prizes.

Marco Rubio, a devout Christian, was seen pacing the grounds of what was once the White House Rose Garden (now a ballroom storage space for prizes), masturbating furiously to an AI-generated image of Havana burning. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

MaleNipples.jpg
  • ... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?
  • ... that the White House is really off-white?
  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
  • ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
  • ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?

In the news 

StarmerBikini.png
Downing Street denies this image.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Non-playoff NFL teams firing their coaches • Jim and John Harbaugh family vacation in Cancun

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • New York Rangers' fans livers and kidneys • Green Bay Packers', Carolina Panthers', Jacksonville Jaguars', Los Angeles Chargers', Philadelphia Eagles', and Pittsburgh Steelers' seasons • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • The Sabres actually being good? • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career, maybe

On this day 

New Yak Republic

January 15: Feast of the Two-Headed Yak (Ukraine)

  • 1889 - Coca-Cola replaces cocaine in its formula with the milder caffeine, consumers complain, but without cocaine, they only end up being slightly anxious.
  • 1919 - A giant tank of molasses in Boston, Massachusetts bursts and floods streets, killing 21. What makes their deaths any less tragic?
  • 1967 - The first Super Bowl advertisements air on television. Since then, what was supposed to be "Football's Biggest Night" has always been nothing but advertisements.
  • 1976 - Michio Kaku finds the perfect conditioner for his unique hair, sadly, it is banned everywhere except Estonia.
  • 1977 - Martin Luther King Jr. spins in his grave, but not for any real reason, that's just a thing he does.
  • 1987 - The two-headed Ukrainian Yak (B. grunniens chernobylian) emerges from the radioactive forest surrounding Pripyat, providing a useful source of protein to the people of northern Ukraine.
  • 2001 - Wikipedia, the aggregate of all mankind's knowledge, goes online, first article is List of Power Rangers episodes.

Picture of the day

American Imperialism
 Though the United States' new strategy in Iraq has proven effective at routing insurgent rebels, it has done little to relieve the stigma of what many perceive as American imperialism.

Image credit: Thetoastman
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