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- 461 AD - The patron saint of Ireland, Saint Patrick, uses the three-leaved shamrock to explain the concept of the trinity: he is later stoned to death for Modalism.
- 1848 - In the middle of the Great Irish Potato Famine, England tells Ireland to eat their young.
- 1939 - The Americans mock the Irish by dyeing large bodies of water green, as a metaphor for what the Irish do to the gene pool.
- 1955 - Irish-Americans appropriate this day as a celebration of Irish culture, still keep the public drinking and lake pollution.
- 2006 - The start of a new St. Paddy's tradition: trying to pause that scene in The Departed where Jack Nicholson shows off his erect penis.
- 2010 - St. Patrick's Day loses all connection to Ireland, becomes holiday dedicated solely to turning water green: man-made algae blooms kill 99% of all ocean life.