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- 1621 - The Pilgrims promise the Indians that they're just peaceful settlers here to eat corn and wear lily white breeches.
- 1874 - Slavery is abolished in Puerto Rico, replaced with mandatory sugarcane harvest fun time.
- 1945 - The Arab League are formed to guarantee peace in the region for the next several minutes.
- 1993 - The United Nations passes a resolution to conserve fresh water (Pictured), tells Americans to shit on the floor instead of on the toilet.
- 2013 - My Chemical Romance disbands, Gerard Way pursues solo career, apparently.
- 2016 - Carl's Jr. ordered to end "sexy" ad campaign cus dudes just want to fuck the burger.
- 2018 - Water bottle companies start selling diluted drain cleaner as Alkaline Water.