List of the most important conspiranoias

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

University professors of Criminal Law[edit | edit source]

Judges are crazy conspiranoids who believe in conspiracies and even convict people for them.

Conspiracy is provided for and punished in the criminal legislation of all countries. In university law departments, professors of the subject of Criminal Law have organized an infamous business with conspiranoia. They lie to their students by telling them that conspiracies exist and explaining what they supposedly consist of. With this they profit from the sale of books where they talk about conspiracies, which evidently do not exist, although they believe or pretend to believe that they exist. Many of the students fall for deception and believe in conspiracies. Others pretend to believe to pass the subject. With this, in the end, all law graduates are conspiranoids who believe or pretend to believe in conspiracies. It is in law departments where the disastrous plague of conspiranoia has originated and spreads.

Conspiracies do not exist. Therefore, all persons who have been convicted by the Courts of conspiracy have been victims of a miscarriage of justice.

All this has very serious consequences. Judges often convict people of conspiracy. Since conspiracies do not exist, all those who have been convicted by the Courts of conspiracy have been victims of a miscarriage of justice. But those who make a business of conspiranoia do not care about harming innocent people.

Naturally, a doubt arises. Are university professors of Criminal Law really so idiotic as to believe that conspiracies exist? Well, most likely not. Most likely they know, as every sane person knows, that conspiracies do not exist. But they pretend to believe they exist to continue their evil business. And evidently these professors believe that Elvis is alive.

John F. Kennedy[edit | edit source]

John F. Kennedy

John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22 in Dallas. Several coincidences occurred the day he took the car that was going to take him to his death:

  • An old woman told him, "Be careful with the ides plus seven of the month of November, Mr. President."
  • Even though it was the middle of autumn, Kennedy decided to go in a convertible.
  • The fact that he, indeed, died.

All this contains a truth that not even the most psychedelic theories have been able to hide; Kennedy, a womanizer and drunk, prepared his own death due to the lack of trust NASA gave him and the terror he had of breaking the promise he had made to the electorate. That's why the famous magic bullet that curved was actually the president himself, who committed suicide with a mini-gun that he kept in his garter belt. This was because he feared that Lee Harvey Oswald's aim was not as good as he had promised when he hired him.

The United States House Select Committee on Assassinations was established in 1976 to investigate the assassinations of John F. Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. In its final report it says: "The committee believes, based on the available evidence, that the president John F. Kennedy was probably assassinated as a result of a conspiracy." In other words, just as there are some who are more papist than the Pope, there are some who are more pro-government than an official Committee, since in the end it has been recognized that there was probably a conspiracy. The Department of Justice, FBI, CIA, and the Warren Commission were severely criticized by said committee for their poor performance in the investigations carried out, and the Secret Service was branded as deficient in its protection of the President.

Philadelphia experiment[edit | edit source]

The Philadelphia experiment was actually the desperate attempt by Americans to make a ship that would run on Philadelphia cheese. Of course, as soon as the engines were turned on, the ship jumped into the air, pieces of sailors appearing two kilometers around. To cover up the disaster, the Pentagon's top brass invented a fantastic story about time travel, cigar-smoking dogs, and transsexuals in the White House. Of course, the government-paid press covered up the true nature of the "event."

Jesus Christ was not resurrected[edit | edit source]

Many crazy conspiranoids say that Jesus Christ was not resurrected. And they also believe that Elvis is alive.

Many crazy conspiranoids hold the ridiculous and absurd conspiracy theory that the resurrection of Jesus Christ is a hoax or a mistake made by his disciples, that is, that Jesus Christ was not truly resurrected.[1] This crazy conspiracy theory has been refuted by Pastor Carey Nieuwhof:

Oxford University physicist, Dr. David Grimes, recently worked out a mathematical formula on the moon landing and other conspiracy theories.[2][3][4][5][6]
He calculated that a lie must be kept to a very small circle for it to survive over time. The reasoning? The more people involved, the more likely a whistleblower will emerge to expose the lie or the more likely it is for the lie to be accidentally uncovered.
Look at the actual math behind Dr. Grime’s theory (from a recent Telegraph U.K. article) on how many people can know about a lie to keep it covered up: (...) Did you catch that? For a lie to last more than a century, there have to be fewer than 125 collaborators.
The events of Jesus’ life (as Luke will share in his Gospel and in the Book of Acts, which he also wrote), were witnessed by thousands of people (actually tens of thousands). If Jesus didn’t exist, it would be difficult for lie on that scale to NOT have been exposed. Many also witnessed the resurrection.[7]

~ Carey Nieuwhof, on «The 24 Day Devotion Day 1 – Is the New Testament a Lie?»

There are other arguments that demonstrate that there was no deception or mistake in the preaching of the indisputable resurrection: «Oh, what a laugh, of course, the CIA!... Elvis... the moon... paranoia... Occam's Razor..." Given these irrefutable arguments and the great quality of Grimes' work, it takes a real fool to accuse the disciples of Jesus Christ of fraud or mistake in announcing a resurrection that supposedly did not occur. The resurrection of Jesus Christ really happened. The conspiracy theory that Jesus Christ was not resurrected assumes that, for twenty centuries, billions of Christians have agreed to keep the secret and have managed to maintain it for centuries without there being a single leak in all that time. Absurd, obviously! As absurd as any other conspiranoia. The crazy conspiranoids who say that this resurrection did not occur also believe in reptilians, Illuminatis, the CIA, etc. And they also believe that Elvis Presley is alive.

Conspiracy of the Catholic Church[edit | edit source]

The inquisition did not exist, although some conspiranoids believe otherwise

According to some crazy conspiranoids, there was a conspiracy by the Catholic Church to silence dissent through a mysterious society called the Inquisition. According to this absurd urban legend, Galileo Galilei was forced to appear before said secret society.

Everyone who believes that the Inquisition existed also believes that Elvis is alive. The last thing I wrote is irrelevant. It's not even true. But it is tradition to put it when ridiculing refutes a conspiracy theory.

Conspiracy of the conspiranoids[edit | edit source]

Daniel Pipes is afraid of a terrible conspiranoid conspiracy

The conspiranoids have organized a conspiracy to make us believe that conspiracies exist (which is a lie).

Conspiracies do not exist. But the conspiranoids are so bad that they have organized a conspiracy to deceive us. This conspiracy is intended to sell books. Non-conspiranoid people write books for free, it seems. But if conspiranoids have organized a conspiracy, then at least one conspiracy exists. And it would be true that conspiracies exist. And then...

Please, some ass-licker skeptical, clear up this mess. Which is becoming a tongue twister.

The crazy bootlickeranoid Daniel Pipes in an article warns of the possibility of a horrible conspiracy of conspiranoids:

“What if these disparate elements shared beliefs, joined forces, won a much larger audience, broke out of their intellectual and political ghetto, and became capable of challenging the premises of public life in the United States? This is the frightening prospect, soberly presented by Michael Barkun in his important, just-published book, "A Culture of Conspiracy: Apocalyptic Visions in Contemporary America" (University of California Press, $24.95).”

~

No joke: you can check it by reading the article here.

The conspiracy to make people believe that conspiracies exist is very dangerous. Among other things, it has caused many innocent people to go to prison. Since conspiracies do not exist, all the people who have been convicted by the Courts of conspiracy have been victims of a miscarriage of justice.

See also[edit | edit source]