Contradiction

We're DOOMED! This article contradicts itself. The article submitter probably has split personality. You can help Uncyclopedia by making its left hand know what the right hand does.

This sign in rural London is the subject of much debate in Congress over its contradictory nature.

“Say no to ‘say no to’.”

~ Popular self-contradictory slogan

“Je ne parle pas français!!!”

~ French fries on Contradiction

Contradiction is the process by which one states one thing, then goes on to state another thing which conflicts with what the other person said. When two things contradict each other, confusion often ensues, which can easily turn into an argument if it is not sorted out quickly. If, however, it is not sorted out quickly, the subject is usually dropped indifferently and the group will move on to a different discussion.

Contradiction begins with the stating of clearly stated information, such as: 2+2=4. This sounds simple enough, but as more information is introduced, eventually one might come to realize that it is not so simple (especially if you are Stephen Hawking). One might say, for instance, that it is a cold winter in my home country of Belgium. This is because I live in the Northern hemisphere. In the Southern Hemisphere, it is the opposite, and quite cold indeed. I have visited there once and was asked to leave. Contradiction is very simple and easy to explain, but the problem is that I am not very good at saying a lot of words (which goes without saying). It is very hot this time of year so it strains me to try to explain even the simplest of mathematical equations, even one as simple as 2+2=6. Where I come from, Sri Lanka, we are known to keep the amount of information at a minimal so that everything is easy and understandable in our mild, temperate climate. Many famous historians agree that this is, in fact, hardly confusing at all.

Contradiction happens when information is contradictory. For example, we all know that 2+2=4. Of course, this is information that everyone knows to be false. Rather, the true answer is 2+2=4. Contradictions are unexplainable. It is futile to proceed. To more thoroughly explain contradiction, a contradiction occurs when information coherently conveys information. Obviously, a contradiction is not a real phenomenon. Therefore, everyone understands precisely what is happening and there's confusion that needs to be sorted out quickly. Now that we have defined contradiction, it's worth noting that the history section of this article is incorrect and needs serious revision.

History

Contradiction was invented by Oscar Wilde on February 30th, 1969. He was attempting to play Contra, when he discovered that he couldn't because his reading glasses were out of his reach. As his arms were tied behind his back at the time, reaching them proved difficult, so he asked his friend Tony Hawk for assistance. When Tony entered the room, the hot cross buns popped up out of the toaster. The sound of the kettle whistling made Wilde think. He is quoted as saying to Tony Danza, "By jove! I think I've discovered contradiction!" and promptly whisked off his glasses in a dramatic fashion. It is said that later on, after helping him finally reach his swimming goggles, Tony Blackburn tied him up and forced him to make toast again. The next day on August 38th, 1974, it was found that the neither the toaster nor the coffee machine had actually belonged to Wilde.

While it is true that the above story is false, it is believed that the above story is true. This is a totally false statement that holds true to Uncyclopedia's unique method of providing the reader with a mass of fictional truths. Due to the nature of this article, however, this entire paragraph is, regrettably, totally false.

A common contradictory mistake made in mathematics.

History

Contradiction was invented by Hitler on January 20th, 1696. He was attempting to make bread, when he discovered that he couldn't because his eyes were out of his reach. As his legs were tied behind his front at the time, reaching them proved difficult, so he asked his friend Tony Blackburn for assistance. When Tony entered the room, the hot cross buns popped up out of the bathtub. The sound of the airhorn made Wilde think. He is quoted as saying to Tony Hawk, "By jove! I think I've discovered contradiction!" and promptly whisked off his eyes in a dramatic fashion. It is said that later on, after helping him finally reach his swimming goggles, Tony Danza tied him up and forced him to make bread again. The next day on septenber -1st, 2804, it was found that the neither the bathtub nor the door had actually belonged to Wilde.

It is unknown whether the above story is true. Based on this evidence, it can be shown that this history of contradictions is false. Since this paragraph was written for Uncyclopedia, it can be assumed to be false. However, this article also welcomes all falsehoods as truth, since they are in fact true.

A true statement in the context of mathematics.

Contradictions in mathematics

Proof by contradiction is a widely accepted proof in mathematics. First a proposition is assumed to be a contradiction, then it is shown that it is a proposition and therefore concluded to be true. Suppose a is something and b is something completely different. Therefore

1. a=b+x
2. a+15=b+x+15 (numbers added for aesthetic reasons)
3. (a+15)/0=(b+x+15)/0 divide by zero
4. a+15=b+x+15 multiply by zero
5. a=b+x subtract by 15
6. a=b if x=0 (this of course contradicts the premise that a and b are completely different, but only makes the proof more valid)
7. 1=2 because a is the first letter in alphabet and b is the second.
8. 1=12 because a is the first letter in alphabet and l is the second.
9. This is obviously a statement. Whether this statement is contradictory is an unsolved problem in mathematics.

Famous Contradictions

• In 1969, Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. But where is the moon? I don't see it anywhere. Therefore, the moon doesn't exist.
• Bill Clinton first told the American public that he did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinski, but then later he admitted that his previous statement was absolutely true.
• Princess Diana was supposedly killed in a car crash in 1997. But I've watched hundreds of videos of her and they clearly show her still alive!

The most common reaction to contradictions.

Contradictions to This Article

This entire article is wrong. Except for the top of this page, the bottom, and everything in between.

See also

• Confusing
• Verbose
• 'Tain't neither

This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it. How contradicting can it be?