Verbosity
“Verbosity is cool.”
“I got nothin'..”
The Section That Was Created First, Which Contains Pertinent Introductory Information About The Subject At Hand, Describing It In Full Detail, Leaving Nothing Unmentioned[edit | edit source]
Some men say that verbosity is, "an expressive style that uses excessive words." Fuck those guys. Fuck their women, their dogs, their shiny, brand new, GE toasters, their flower beds whose flower contents include, but are not limited to, Roses, Tulips, Lilacs, Orchids, Daisies, and Black-Eyed Susans. Those fucks, those sons of bitches, those lovers of excrement, those haters of all that is awesome, those conquerors of the lands of ignorance, climbers of the mountain of stupidity. A scientific study has been completed by the most scientific of scientists, using the most scientific of scientific methods, which utilize the most scientific of scientific equipment, which are as scientific as the hellish hell of the field of Gehenna, and this study has concluded that verbosity uses the exact amount of words that are required to express one's self in normal discourse. Discourse that is expressive to the utmost degree, containing good, concise grammar. It has also been agreed upon by the most educated scholars, including John Woo, that verbosity is fucking awesome.
A Complete, And Unabridged History of Verbosity, Ranging From Its Begining To The Present, Including All Relevant Facts and Occurrences In The History of Verbose Speech[edit | edit source]
The beginnings of verbosity can be traced back with a great deal of accuracy, by just about anyone who tries it through the dexterous implementation of copious quantities of tracing paper, to the Middle Ages, a period in time that is widely and commonly agreed by a unanimous decision to have commenced upon the year of A.D. 476 and to have likewise concluded upon the year of A.D. 1453, between the age of classical antiquity and the historical period known as the Italian Renaissance. The exact time that Verbosity was first used was A.D. 1414, May 15, a Wednesday, at 7:00:45.87.900.7865.20769 PM, approximately.
The location was a small(20'x20'), cozy, successful pub, which served many different types of Ale, in many different sizes, ranging from a teaspoon to a full 10 gallon drum, and Brontosaurus Burgers. It served a vast array of homo sapiens of the sentient variety that often craved potent alcoholic potations and more often were in possession of a nidorous odour and, figuratively speaking, temperament. The Pub was located in Rome, its geographic coordinates being roughly 42 50 N, 12 50 E, at the corner of 1st Avenue and Main Street, by Bob Cobb's Cobbler Shop, and Mike's Armor. The pub was painted maroon, with a large(6'x3') sign that was 2.987697 degrees off level, above the door whose hinges squeaked with a volume of 12 decibles.
The man was named Seth. He stood 5 foot, 10.98791879873 inches tall, had no hair, and perpetually had spinach in his teeth. Seth was a scholar, son of Jim, grandson of Bob, father of Tom, Angela, and Sam, graduate of Rome University, the Inter-Empire Champs in Football, founder of The Institute for Dudes that Like to be Members of Institutes, author of A History of Wooden Spindels, lover of art, master of oragami, musician, and a trapeze artist. One fine day, with no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was 75 degrees, when Seth was hanging out with his buddies from IDLMI, John, George, Jerry, Al, and Chet, he stood up on his feet, holding a dictionary, and proclaimed with the most volume that he could muster, "Look at all these words! JESUS. There are words all over the place in the English language. There are too many words available for me to use so few in my speech! Thus, I hereby declare that forthwith I shall utilize as many words as is humanly possible for me to get my point across in all manners of discourse, speech or writing, even if it takes all day to even tell my wife how my day was!" His buddies replied with, "fucking A!" And thus it was so that the pioneers of verbosity did on that day set forth to employ the maximum amount of words as they could in their speech, even inventing some of their own. The tradition has been passed down from generation to generation, father to son, mother to daughter, uncle to nephew, aunt to niece, and endures to this very day.
The Full Description and Origin of an Assemblage that Meets Every Wednesday at 5:00 PM in the Community Center Gym in Verbose, Pennsylvania, Consisting of Exactly 457 Members, All Whose Lives are Dedicated to Being Verbose, called the League of Verbose Dudes[edit | edit source]
The League of Verbose Dudes was founded in the garage, which stored a horse and buggy, of Verby Shmuckatelli, a tall(5'24"), lanky, skinny, well nourished, black haired, monacle wearing, cane using, dude. On the evening of September 1(Thursday), 1888, after a full, tiring, hectic, day of being verbose, Verby sat down in his large, comfortable, leather relaxation chair, and researched exhaustively his family tree. He researched every single leaf, branch, sub-branch, every piece of bark, every molecule of sap, and lo and behold he discovered that, in fact, he was directly related to none other than Seth, his great great great great great grea great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great.....great grandfather. Thus, on that evening, it was ordained in a booming, clear voice, that the League of Verbose Dudes was hereby established. It went like this:
Verby: "As a direct descendant of Seth, the great, awesome, super duper, spectacular, phenomenal, superb, outstanding creator of verbosity, I must honor his memory by immediately establishing an alliance! An alliance that cannot be broken, that is strong, and is completely dedicated to the continuation of verbose speech in every way possible! And I shall call it The League of Verbose Dudes!" Mrs. Shmuckatelli: "OK dear, as long as you take out the garbage."
And thus it began, the most allied alliance of its time was created. The alliance was so allied that it could not be separated even by all the armies on Earth, it could not be broken up by an earthquake, nor could it be tempted by sexy geisha from Asia. Verby steadily increased the number of members, until today there are 457 total members, all who are committed to verbosity in all its forms.
Recommendations Offered as Guides to Action Pertaining to Step-By-Step Authoritative Directions to be Obeyed by Those Parties Having the Attention or Curiosity Engaged in Being Verbose[edit | edit source]
Step 1, one, 1.0, 5-4, uno, aka the first step, the step that should be completed before every other step if one desires success:
Purchase, with money, or bartering with animal hides, from Waldenbooks, Borders, Amazon, Ebay, or Barnes and Noble, a thesaurus, published by either NY Press, Chicago Press, Albuquerque Printers, Inc., Ltd., LLC., TM, (R), whose pages number at least x number, where x is odd, prime, and perfect, but are no more than y pages, y being the sum of the factorials of x.
Step 2, the step after step 1, the second step, Step 1 version 2.0, the step to be completed after step 1, but before step 3 in the order of execution of steps:
In every single instance that you speak, ever, hold up the index finger on your dominant hand, palm facing away from your body, finger fully extended 1000%, the back of your index finger's first knuckle at the same elevation above sealevel as your nose, with a separation of 6.808 cm(.06808 M, 2.68031496 inches), then quickly whip out, in a stylish manner, from your back pocket, your thesaurus, whose upper and lower bounds have been previously stated, and speakith to your fellow conversationalist, "how do you say," and look up every single different way to describe, elaborate, and build upon whatever it is you want to say, and say it. Then, close the thesaurus, the back of the book being folded down on top of the front of the book, into your left hand, and replace the thesaurus back into your back pocket with a smug look on your face. Continue listening until it is your turn to speak. Repeat this step for all cases in which you speak.