Gay Pirates
Gay pirates are just that...Pirates who are gay.
However there is a large breach in the pirate community over the validity of gay pirates. Some say that because the pirate has become gay they are no longer considered a pirate. Others claim that the pirate is just misunderstood, and that the fact that they are gay has nothing to do with their ability to practice the five pillars of pirating: loot, pillage, boating, fancy and rape (It mostly affects who they rape).
You can recognize a gay pirate by a pink flag on his ship. He also walks with his left hand on his hip (right handed pirates only) and with their right wrist hung in a limp fashion. They are also scared of seagulls and will scream like a little girl at the sight of them. In certain cases they are scared of crocodiles, and little boys. Often gay pirates will carry jousting sticks and dress up as bananas.
Gay pirates have also been credited for causing millions of woman to swoon for no truly logical reason. A mass murder of the gay pirates has been proposed by the Council of Pirates who Regret Experimenting in Their Youth and as of 2013 this will be carried out. So far there has been a natural decline of gay pirates with the main culprit being the violent bum-rape they all inevitably encounter at some point in their lives.
The leader of an influential mercenary group (which cannot be named for security purposes) Marcel Le Paup has recently (2004) issued this statement regarding gay pirates:
"They are a pain in the arse - if it's not the prancing about like an idiot trying to persuade you to dance a merry little jig with them, it's them trying to touch up your thigh after you've had a drink and promising you a luxury cruise with them. However I have yet to see this cruise."
Many of the media are behind gay pirated with pressure groups often lobbying local politicians to demand more rights for gay pirates. Much of this pressure has been created by members of the Lesbian Party. However, these same women declined to comment on whether or not they supported fuck fuck fuck pirates who were lesbians, yet strongly advocated PITA support.
September 20th is International Talk like a Gay Pirate day. This immediately follows International Talk like a Pirate day on September 19th. This immediately follows International Talk like Steven Seagal day. This immediately follows nothing, because Stevey won't take that sort of crap. All 8 of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies have been released on September the 20th as a marketing ploy.
Gay Pirates in Music[edit | edit source]
Cosmo Jarvis is one of the strongest campaigners for the equal rights of Gay Pirates. [1]
Yeah he'll plow that![edit | edit source]
I know of a black pirate who was a bender, he like the dog cock and the the wenches sausage, but never her bruised tits. He knocks one out to Braveheart, all those, with swords!!!
Gay Pirate Innuendo[edit | edit source]
Piratism is well known for it's homoerotic undertones, and sexual innuendo. Examples include:
- Jolly Roger - an enjoyable sexing
- Seamen- which they enjoy in their rectum
- "Shiver me timbers!" - touch my penis
- "Arrgh!" Filipino pirate sex cry
Pirates by their nature are a bit camp, and can often be found prancing across the deck of their ship. They also like to wear frilly clothes. It is claimed by the Society for Totally Gay Pirates that all pirates are on some level gay.
It is rumored that Blueberry Mojitos are their libation of choice. They also like thousand dollar Margaritas.
Gay Pirates in Cinema[edit | edit source]
Recently, there has been talks of releasing a movie with the central theme being gay pirates. Right now they have many problems regarding the film. They are trying to find a title which will not offend anyone ( Fags at Sea, The Semen's Smile and other obscene titles have been slated due to this requirement ).
They have since bowed to pressure and given the film a less offensive name The Boy Who Cried Because The Evil Gay Pirates Were Raping Him In The Ear So Hard And Fast and are hoping to bring out a sequel in 2014.
Another problem being that they can't find a suitable lead for the film. Orlando Bloom (a well-known gay pirate) has declined on the recommendation of his agent and PR Manager stating that "he never was, and never will be a pirate - in reality or onscreen". He suggested to the producers that he could play a sideline gay character (not a gay pirate) as he was naturally born for the role of any gay boy. He was awaiting his reply.
In January 2006, the casting crew of the film The Boy Who Cried Because The Evil Gay Pirates Were Raping Him In The Ear So Hard And Fast finally got back to Orlando with this statement: "Fuck Off".
Someone then muttered that Orlando was a homosexual that had a tendency to kiss and caress small pigs (a size up from piglets) which made Orlando start to cry. They have also addressed Orlando humping other various farm animals. The Boy Who Cried Because The Evil Gay Pirates Were Raping Him In The Ear So Hard And Fast is expected to reach cinema screens in the summer of 2012.
Some gay pirates hide behind the name INSANE PIRATES, dont be fooled, for they are the worst kind of gay pirate. They will sing songs, get you drunk, touch you up, then show you they're NUTS.
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