User talk:Matt lobster/Archive3

Attn: Regarding an article hosted on your website

Dear Mr/Ms Matt lobster/Archive3, Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate. It has come to my assistant's attention that you recently supported an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, to be featured on the website front page. We are honoured, although, of course: 1. We are fully aware of just how monumentally great the film is, and 2. We are preparing a suit against you for supporting copyright infringement, and the author of the article (referred to as "MacMania") is currently under arrest at Sri Lanka (not Ceylon).* However, we would be obliged if you would be able to do us one small favour. As interim representatives of Clarke's estate, we are in talks with Random House to commission a fifth book to add to the 2001 trilogy of four books. We've always been of the opinion that 3001: The Final Odyssey was too bleak of a book, and we would love to have the series finish on a slightly more upbeat note. We were thinking 3010: And Another Odyssey, by J K Rowling? Please let us know. Your obedient servant (in a figurative sense) James Steel c/o Alesha Phillips London EC4M 7EH UK * Why Ceylon got the works is nobody's business but the Sinhalese.

It's a bit late, but not as late as a late parrot. Thanks! Sir MacMania GUN—[13:51 3 Nov 2009]

Okay, you mangy colonists.

I've been commissioned by Mooshy to rerererevitalize IC. I'm to be the glorious leader, etc. because Sissy, Gerry, and Opty have all fucked off. So, I have a few general ideas to start with on what to do. First of all, no fucking infighting. What's said by the authority figures goes. This is Imperial Colonization, not Imperial United States Congress. Second, there should be more of a limit on articles for nomination. Somewhere between 5 and 10. We'll never get to all 17 that are up there if people's votes are so scattered. Third, an active recruiting drive. It fits the name. We're going to draft Satirical Soldiers to deal with the bloody natives at those shit articles on IC. This said, I still want to hear all of your opinions on what to do. Either drop me a line on my talk page, or I'm on IRC damn near all day very weekday. So lets get going, Colonizers! Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 16:58, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Commander of the Order

Commander of the Order

Say, Dude, UnNews:Man who claimed to have found God arrested for wasting police time was like featured and stuff? As you yourself was like the main like writer, that makes you a Commander of the Order! I also added your name here, but you can add a flag if you want. Like, way to go, Dude! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:11, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Cheers Why! mAttlobster. (hello) 22:21, November 11, 2009 (UTC)

Jamie Lynn Spears Preggers Thank

User:Miley Spears/Vote Jamie Lynn Spears DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:06, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

UnNews:Man Wearing Overcoat Exposes Global-Warming Lie

Is this supposed to be awful? Because I'm finding myself loving it because of it's stupidity and the charm of this particular form of awful. Just trying to get a bead on it... Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:54, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

It's supposed to make us all think about how we're treating this planet. I wrote it because I want to make a difference. mAttlobster. (hello) 23:50, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

Also I'll be honest: it wasn't deliberately intended to be awful. mAttlobster. (hello) 00:15, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry if that hurts a bit, but in my twisted mind, that's what makes it funny. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 11:53, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

It is the UnNews equivalent of Keanu Reeves. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:55, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

THEN...........

Maybe Bormann has a copy of the Qur'an!--    15:50, January 12, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

The doctor will see you now Oh, by the way, before we begin today's session, I'd like to thank you for supporting my recent featured article. Now, tell me about your childhood.--You know what the music means... Our time is up.

Thanks

Uncle-Dad thanks you in the only way he knows: a long glass of moonshine and an hour with his niece-wife.

IronLung 22:26, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZER

Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!

EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!

For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:41, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you!!

Thank you!!

I stand here before you, arms outstretched and butterflies exploding from my zipper, in thanks for supporting me for Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Year.

Throughout 2009, many people had stupid ideas, and many of those people wrote those stupid ideas down, but apparently you agreed that no one thought of so many idiotic things, nor humiliated himself on such a regular basis, as I.

You pity me! You really pity me!

May 2010 be an even worse year for us all!

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IC CREATIONISM HAS BEGUN

Attention Colonizer! Our next colonization is announced: CREATIONISM. As you're one of the few brave souls who voted to rewrite the history of life, the universe and everything, meaning you volunteered to help do it, you're receiving this special, holy advance notice. We are now planning the creation of the universe, or at the very least our version of someone's else's version of how it was created. Get your mind stimulated, get those creative juices flowing, and begin the foreplay for our Big Bang: Creationism! (Or if you don't care about overly-dramatic double entendre, just go to Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/project and post your ideas.) Over and out. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:56, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM

The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:17, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

iPad Thanks

I see you voted for my new iPad Many thanks.

Thanks for voting on my first featured article! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 19:41 EST 14 Feb, 2010

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:38, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Why plank King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  16:56, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

User:Why do I need to provide this?/Discordianism vote King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:23, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Here is a car left over from the garage sale. Put a brick on the gas peddle and aim it at a government office near you. Your vote was very appreciated, thank you. Al in chains 23:45 28 3 mmx

Thanks!

Thank you for your input! My article "God Recalls Global Women Recall" won "Featured Article"! Yaay! Smuggler!

No dog blowing around here! This sign will keep anyone who enjoys blowing dogs well away from your backyard. Can't be too sure these days of darkness. Your vote to feature HowTo is very appreciated, thank you. The check, as requested, forwarded to PETA. Al in Chains 12:32 2 4 mmx

Nintendo whore

Hi Matt, glad you're on. I've made mucho changes to Nintendo, taking criticism about it seriously, and hopefully you can give it another look. It's almost there on VFH and if you swing over your no to a yes that could do it. I don't mind whoring this one, because it's a frat collab, but only, of course, if you really like it. danks. Aleister in Chains 14:14 17 4 MMX

Thanks for taking another read, appreciated. Skin and pal (whatever his new name is, still haven't memorized it) put in a lot of work on it, and it'd be fun if Skin looks in from his exams and finds it doing well. Are you a member of the frat? What we do is pick one of the top 50 most requested and collab them. Lots of people are working on Tim Burton now, if you like or hate his films, come on by! (next month is Roger Ebert) Al sans chains 14:38 17 4 mmx

Thanks!

And what do you want? You think that because you voted for Why?:Do I need to provide this? you'll get some kind of thank you from Necropaxx? Ha!

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 22:41, Apr 7 2010

Thanks!

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:11, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

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Vote now for Colonisation

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum

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Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

Mecca Vice will skip your home

"Much thanks for your help in making it better!"

--Funnybony    07:14, May 3

Discordianism and Matt Lobster

You may know that, while Discordianism got 13 for votes, it didn't pass VFH. I'm asking all those who voted no for suggestions for improving the article. If you'd like to post specific suggestions on Talk:Discordianism, that would be great. Lobsterperson. Thanks! King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:02, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Cameron offer to be designated driver seals Con-Lib coalition

I reworded this article in numerous places while recording it in UnNews Audio, and edited the article to incorporate a couple of the rewordings (look for use of double-dash). If the other rewordings sound as natural in British, you may want to further align it with the Audio. Also added your name to UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Other writers whose stuff got broadcast, making an assumption that seems safe, in selecting a national flag to put by your name, that you are a Brit. Spıke ¬ 12:23 12-May-10

'ello

Hello again! Today I've come by to pimp Modus's GMT, which would be his 40th feature!!! A historic occurance. It has 8 votes, so is close, and you voted for it the first time, so please take a look at it again and if you like it, history is close. Close I tell's ya! The cursed thing is near the bottom of the que on VFH. I must now drive off in my pimpmobile. Aleister 11:11 14 6 MMX

You're back!

I see you got back from the ban or unbanned. Yay. What did you do to catch the ban, and what did you learn from it? A good life lesson I hope. Welcome to the land of the living. Aleister 23:19 17 7

p.s. And what's this user page "goodnight" crapola? Don't be goin' anywhere as soon as you get back.

3 day ban for Romartus for a '*' is...?

Love the place, just being sadly over dramatic. mAttlobster. (hello) 23:31, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Huh? What was the *, must have been epic. And what did you do? Aleister 23:40 17 7

Not epic, just that Romartus did a '*' on VFD 'Applie inc' instead of a '#' which would have numbered the vote. Thus a non-vandal is banned from froggy. mAttlobster. (hello) 23:49, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Oh. OK. Huh? That was it? Oh. And the fucker deserved it! Aleister 23:57 17 7

Hi Matt. Thanks for the info regards the reason for my ban as it wasn't made clear to me by the admin amphibian. Anyways..I trust you stick around like I am going to...until the next er..* offence..! --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 09:21, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

But first I must create a Youtube video in which I chastise the Killer Froggy by miming to a badly chosen Killers track. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:27, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Hahaha. Guildy's protest as regards TKF was going well until he started to sing! I think Aleister would do something like that if it happened to him but not me. Good to see you're back too. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:45, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

The template that I'll never change

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I, like, appreciate your support, or something.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:47, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

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Thanks

I want to thank you for voting for on my article Dear Mr. Hornet.--M'su Carencro - Talk - Contributions - Blag 18:33, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Somewhere in the Enrichment Centre...

You voted for this?

Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does tha—
Er, GLaDOS?
What is it?
You do realise that you're regurgitating quotes from the original game.
Is there something wrong with that?
As a matter of fact, yes, GLaDOS, there is. Quite a few of us are waiting for the new, creative, inventive quotes that are to come in Portal 2, and actually are sick and tired of people who regurgitate quotes and memes from a two-and-a-half-year-old game.
You're right. I can't become just a soundboard of tired old quotes.
Exactly.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
*sigh*

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Thanks for voting for Portal! Sir MacMania GUN—[13:45 1 Aug 2010]

Contest today, August 2nd (U.S. time) or 3rd (civilized world time)

Happymonkey called for a writing contest which will start at 2:00 UTC (10 p.m. eastern time in the United States and other weird countries). Contestents will give each other an exact name of an article at app. 9:59 eastern time, and then we will write until 11:15 (3:15 UTC). We need at least one judge who will look at all the articles, say nay, or yay, or something, and tell us whatever they want to. Please sign up on Happymonkeys talk page, as participant or judge(s), and then we can pair people up around 9:30 eastern and let them know who they will give their page title to. (Inspired by DrSkullthumper's contest of a month or so ago). Aleister 16:05 2 8

Advertisement

Hey, everyone. Want to see an articles that's funnier? Then check out this article called Progressive Metal. Trust me. It's funny as hell! Please reply.

--666satan6669 23:27, August 10, 2010 (UTC)666satan6669

Avast me hearties!

By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again! Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar. Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes.

(See also: Forum:Drumming up the IC furor!)

The current project: Dinosaur

Now in the writing phase (Oh UN:IC, how your rules are now broken....)