Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia
“If swear to MOKKÁÁWŜEN if i turn around and see a moccasin jerking off i'm gonna go fucking apeshit”
Jacques Noir (born April 3, 1954), better known as the Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia, was formerly the ruler of Moccasinia, a land where absolutely everything is made out of moccasins. Known for his catchphrase "TO MOCK ME IS A SIN", it is believed that he had began to hate the shoes that formed the very foundation of his nation, because he was just tired of seeing so many fucking moccasins.
Along with Knife Guy/Knife Girl and the penguins, Móckasiin was one of the original villains of the "A story built one word at a time" series of children's books and cautionary tales.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Jacques Noir was originally just a random guy from France, except that he was known to have killed his whole family to bring him to a high and powerful place on the social hierarchy of his peers. It is believed that some time circa 1968, Noir began a race war in Rhodesia.
Rise to power[edit | edit source]
Noir entered Muohkasen, capital city of the small and unstable nation of Moccasinia, and captured the real Lord Móckasiin, son of Møqásÿn, in 1981. He took the real Móckasiin's clothing and cooked him alive inside a giant muffin, then served the muffin at a royal feast. When Møqásÿn, the apparent seventieth great-grandson of the moccasin god Mohkááwŝen, died, Noir, now believed to be the real Móckkasiin, received the title of Emperor Of All The Leather Shoes That You Must Walk Two Moons In In Order To Judge The Leather Shoes' Owner (E.O.A.T.L.S.T.Y.M.W.T.M.I.I.O.T.J.T.L.S.O.).
As ruler of Moccasinia[edit | edit source]
For many years, Móckasiin was well-respected yet feared by the Moccasinians. Móckasiin sent John and his pal on a mission to destroy an unnamed Uncyclopedia admin, and John and some random Uncyclopedia user went on to kill this admin. Móckasiin's next target was said random Uncyclopedia user, who was well aware of their persecution. This user hid inside a shack not far from Ojai. When this shack was located by John and his comrade, the shack was found to be empty, so John and his partner fucked each other instead.
John and his partner eventually turned against Móckasiin, who now wanted the pair dead for... something. So the pair fled to the town of "You don't give a shit", where they encountered Selaw Obmij. Unbeknownst to the pair, Obmij communicated with Móckasiin and the god Mokkááwŝen through a shrine. Somehow, the racism quadrupled at this point.
Móckasiin then wasted a large amount of money on lottery tickets, then started a fundraising campaign that only earned him two dollars.
Fall and expulsion from Moccasinia[edit | edit source]
Eventually Móckasiin's credit card was revealed, showing that his real name was Jacques Noir and that he was born in France. Móckasiin was then overthrown in a bloodless coup and forced to flee into the wilderness. The Moccasinian civil war started shortly after this between Móckasiin's supporters and those in support of Møqasÿn Rein, the unofficial military dictator of the country.
Mechasin[edit | edit source]
Noir was found by and converted into a knockoff kaiju called "Mechasin" by the U.S. army. He then left lakes across the west coast of the USA and Canada like Paul Bunyan. He then betrayed his commander and decided to Godzilla the shit out of Japan.
Death(?)[edit | edit source]
An EYE BEAM-activated electromagnetic force relased by YOU and the god Mokkááwŝen completely disabled Mechasin (which collapsed onto the ground), and Noir was released from the brain of Mechasin (located behind a hatch in the bio-mechanical giant's back). Noir crawled out of Mechasin and asked to be shot and buried with Luna, so Jon shot him with a tranquilizer dart and buried him alive next to her.
The grave was later found to have been completely destroyed, and both Luna and Jacques were missing. They were immediately assumed dead, but this theory was cast into doubt when Luna was found alive in the Mojave Desert a couple months later. Jacques has yet to resurface though, and many still believe/hope he is truly gone forever.
See also[edit | edit source]
- UnNews:Lord Móckasiin exposed as an illegitimate ruler
- A story built one paragraph at a time
- John, the main character of the series
- Luna
