HowTo:Waste someone's time
So you want to learn how to waste someone's time, eh? You came to the right guy. But, before I get to that, do you mind if I tell you a story about how I came up with it? You don't? Great! So it started about. Three years after 9/11, at about 4?...no...3!... o'clock AM, it was cold, I woke up. Y'know speaking of the number 3, did you know that Pythagoreans, or ones that follow or was taught under the famous Greek philosopher Pythagoras, said that... That reminds me, did you know that Pythagoras died in the Greek city of Crotone... that sounds a lot like the name of that toasted bread on salad, croutons. Yet the word crouton has nothing to do with the city Crotone. Where was I, oh right Pythagoreans say that 3 was the first true number. But what makes it true? Wait! Speaking of true, I saw the new Impractical Jokers on TruTV at it was so funny! Murr is defiantly my crush! One person I HATE on TruTV is Adam Conover from Adam Ruins Everything. Because, he ruined bacon! I use to love eating bacon, until my health-conscious husband got rid of it from the shopping list!
Speaking of that, I am Gay, but, honestly, I wished I was Bisexual so I could get a better guy or girl to date, because he is a pain in the ass sometimes. Speaking of ass, or a donkey in this case, has its subgenus named "Asinus", but, to be honest, I think it's pronounced "ass-in-us", like that was suppose to help us with dirty-minded civilians. But, I can't divorce my husband, because his family is Christian, and they will hate me. But, thank god, I'm an Atheist! But, where was I? Oh, right. So it was 3AM on the eleventh of September 2004, where I was awake at night, watching another rerun of Friends, where I... now this got me thinking. So, David Schwimmer
, right, he played that giraffe on Madagascar, right? But, why would you name your movie "Madagascar", after that country "Madagascar". A strange concept for a country who's capital is hard to pronounce, it is called "Antananarivo", strange name. What's worse is that the current mayor (at this time) is called Lalao Ravalomanana, EVEN WEIRDER!!! So, back to the task at hand. I was watching Friends when, I thought to myself... wait. Thinking about it, the name Lalao. You could rearrange it to AA!!! LOL!!! Which got me thinking, why do Uncyclopedians like the letter A a lot? It's weird. Mostly because they pronounced it like what Wikipedia calls the "Open back unrounded vowel", long and unnecessary. Speaking of that, the International Phonetic Alphabet uses the letter J for the sound that the letter Y uses, it's so weird and stupid. That's like me saying "Jesus is Yeezus". JESUS ISN'T YEEZUS!!! KANYE IS YEEZUS!!!
But, where was I again? Oh, jeah, I remember! So I was thinking, while watching Friends. When I thought to myself "I wonder if there is a way that I could tell the world how to waste someone's time?" But, alas to my knowledge, I wasn't a way that I could tell the world how to waste someone's time, that previous statement contradicts my previous quote of "I wonder if there is a way that I could tell the world how to waste someone's time?" So I had to spend many of many of many years of my life without a way to tell the world. It was until 2019, or over 15 years after my original thought, there was a way I could tell the world about how I could waste someone's time. But, by this time, I was already married, had 10 children (they were adopted, of course, from struggling nations), and I was diagnosed with "Youkeepwastingeveryonesfuckingtimesomuchthatwehateyouandwemadeupafakeconditionsothatyoucanshutupabouttalkingitosis", which, I didn't know I had. You know speaking of struggling nations, I was watching Jimmy Fallon last night, and I got an email from my lost uncle-twice-removed-in-law Nigerian King Guganbara Supaklombu Za'eed Hukuarumakuaru d'Hlukumblu XI of the Ukubolo Tribe. He asked if I wanted some money because he was dying! And I asked "How much?" He said "All of it". Which was so sad because he was going to leave his throne to his son King Guganbara Supaklombu Za'eed Hukuarumakuaru d'Hlukumblu XII. He needed my credit card so he could put it on. BUT THEN IT WAS ALL GONE! THIS GUY LIED TO ME!!! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST KING GUGANBARA!
But I will now tell you... the secret... the way on how YOU, yes YOU can waste someone's time. I know you have been waiting and waiting and waiting for the secret... It's.... IIIIIIIIIIIT'S!!!... coming up right after these messages!!!
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Some guy: Yes
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Our "scientific" evidence states that brand-new GORTAZOL says that out of one million doctors, ALL ONE MILLION SAID "IT'S PERFECT (after we paid them)!!!"
So try brand new GORTAZOL!
Life Tip: Do you want the cure for cancer? Try healing stones!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!!!!111!
Thought: What really is... love?
Is love real?
No.
Love is love, dumbass!
Real is real!
How is chu? uwu?
Black people are brown.
White people are not white.
Why yellow?
Is 2 a food?
Space is lonely
CYOEAHI ANURDTS?
Palindromes are hard to do, not word palindromes. Palindromes word not do to hard are palindromes. FUCK!
A
AA
AAA
AAAA
AAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa
AAAAAAAAAAa
A
a
A
A
A
A
aaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaa
aaaa a a a a a a a a aaaaaaaaa
Ah.
You are cute! No homo tho.
Donald Trump is stupid right?
YEETERINO!
YEET
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET
Ok, we're back! Now where I left off, I said "So you want to learn how to waste someone's time, eh? You came to the right guy. But, before I get to that, do you mind if I tell you a story about how I came up with it? You don't? Great! So it started about. Three years after 9/11, at about 4?...no...3!... o'clock AM, it was cold, I woke up. Y'know speaking of the number 3, did you know that Pythagoreans, or ones that follow or was taught under the famous Greek philosopher Pythagoras, said that... That reminds me, did you know that Pythagoras died in the Greek city of Crotone... that sounds a lot like the name of that toasted bread on salad, croutons. Yet the word crouton has nothing to do with the city Crotone. Where was I, oh right Pythagoreans say that 3 was the first true number. But what makes it true? Wait! Speaking of true, I saw the new Impractical Jokers on TruTV at it was so funny! Murr is defiantly my crush! One person I HATE on TruTV is Adam Conover from Adam Ruins Everything. Because, he ruined bacon! I use to love eating bacon, until my health-conscious husband got rid of it from the shopping list!
Speaking of that, I am Gay, but, honestly, I wished I was Bisexual so I could get a better guy or girl to date, because he is a pain in the ass sometimes. Speaking of ass, or a donkey in this case, has its subgenus named "Asinus", but, to be honest, I think it's pronounced "ass-in-us", like that was suppose to help us with dirty-minded civilians. But, I can't divorce my husband, because his family is Christian, and they will hate me. But, thank god, I'm an Atheist! But, where was I? Oh, right. So it was 3AM on the eleventh of September 2004, where I was awake at night, watching another rerun of Friends, where I... now this got me thinking. So, David Schwimmer
, right, he played that giraffe on Madagascar, right? But, why would you name your movie "Madagascar", after that country "Madagascar". A strange concept for a country who's capital is hard to pronounce, it is called "Antananarivo", strange name. What's worse is that the current mayor (at this time) is called Lalao Ravalomanana, EVEN WEIRDER!!! So, back to the task at hand. I was watching Friends when, I thought to myself... wait. Thinking about it, the name Lalao. You could rearrange it to AA!!! LOL!!! Which got me thinking, why do Uncyclopedians like the letter A a lot? It's weird. Mostly because they pronounced it like what Wikipedia calls the "Open back unrounded vowel", long and unnecessary. Speaking of that, the International Phonetic Alphabet uses the letter J for the sound that the letter Y uses, it's so weird and stupid. That's like me saying "Jesus is Yeezus". JESUS ISN'T YEEZUS!!! KANYE IS YEEZUS!!!
But, where was I again? Oh, jeah, I remember! So I was thinking, while watching Friends. When I thought to myself "I wonder if there is a way that I could tell the world how to waste someone's time?" But, alas to my knowledge, I wasn't a way that I could tell the world how to waste someone's time, that previous statement contradicts my previous quote of "I wonder if there is a way that I could tell the world how to waste someone's time?" So I had to spend many of many of many years of my life without a way to tell the world. It was until 2019, or over 15 years after my original thought, there was a way I could tell the world about how I could waste someone's time. But, by this time, I was already married, had 10 children (they were adopted, of course, from struggling nations), and I was diagnosed with "Youkeepwastingeveryonesfuckingtimesomuchthatwehateyouandwemadeupafakeconditionsothatyoucanshutupabouttalkingitosis", which, I didn't know I had. You know speaking of struggling nations, I was watching Jimmy Fallon last night, and I got an email from my lost uncle-twice-removed-in-law Nigerian King Guganbara Supaklombu Za'eed Hukuarumakuaru d'Hlukumblu XI of the Ukubolo Tribe. He asked if I wanted some money because he was dying! And I asked "How much?" He said "All of it". Which was so sad because he was going to leave his throne to his son King Guganbara Supaklombu Za'eed Hukuarumakuaru d'Hlukumblu XII. He needed my credit card so he could put it on. BUT THEN IT WAS ALL GONE! THIS GUY LIED TO ME!!! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST KING GUGANBARA!
But I will now tell you... the secret... the way on how YOU, yes YOU can waste someone's time. I know you have been waiting and waiting and waiting for the secret... It's.... IIIIIIIIIIIT'S!!!... coming up right after these messages!!!"
But, we're back! So here it is, my simple 3-step way to waste someone's time!
Step 1:[edit | edit source]
Reading this article.
Step 2:[edit | edit source]
Realizing this was a trick.
wait.
Step 3:[edit | edit source]
Regret.
YOU GOT PRANKED!!! HAHAHA!!![edit | edit source]
Just Kidding![edit | edit source]
The just kidding is for the people looking at the contents.
