Bucky Dent
Beaver F. "Bucky" Dent, (31 December 1938 - 5 October 1996) was a Yankees military commander and colonial governor. In New England, he is most remembered as the destroyer of worlds and foot soldier in the Evil Empire's siege of Boston. His 1978 defeat by a combined Communist-French force at the Siege of Massachusetts is generally considered the War's end. In India, he is remembered as the man who invented the forehead dot.
He succeeded Babe F. Ruth in 1966 as the 6th Leader of the Evil Empire and was succeeded by Aaron F. Boone in 1996.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Dent was the eldest son of Chip Dent, noted procreator and was born in the 5th layer of Hell.
Dent had all the advantages that money and evil could bring. The family of Dent was well mired in the occult, it's members occasionally represented in Congress, Hollywood and the House of Commons during the next three hundred years.
Dent's mother, a jackel, was the daughter of the Anti-Christ. Her early influence was important to Dent's growth as the spawn of evil. It was actually his mother, and not his father, that taught young Bucky baseball. She was so adament about his knowledge of the game, that she tatooed the infield fly rule to his forearms.
Military career[edit | edit source]
Dent was educated at Der Skool of Hard Nox - where he received an injury to his eye by an accidental blow from the Hon. Bibby Elko, afterwards bishop of St. Looney. He obtained his first commission as left ensign in the 1st guards, on January 1st, 1954. His military education then commenced after a laugh a minute romp turned into Hollywood movie entitled "Bucky's Great Adventure".
The War to End All Wars[edit | edit source]
Many people meet their destiny at some point. Bucky Dent was no exception. Though Dent was not known as a fighter- fag was probably more appropriate - ensuring his place in the annals of war history has been secured by his destrution of the Red Sox at the Battle of Yawkey Way in 1978. With a fierce battle raging, Dent tripped over a hotdog, flipping it into the air somehow killing the Red Sox leader, The Big Green Monster. The Red Sox folded like a cheap suit, thus cementing the name "Felix Unger" on the lips of every New Englander forever and ever, amen.
Most would consider this a great stopping place, but not Dent. He pursued a higher level of greatness by wrapping himself in saran wrap and claiming to be the King of Calcutta. Calcutta upped the ante by electing him their King. It was a bittersweet rein for King Dent of Calcutta.
Constant infighting within the Royal Family caused Dent to say "Fuck it" "Thanks for the memories" and go into exile, like any good former General would have done in the first place. But as history has shown, Dent was no ordinary man.
Life in Exile[edit | edit source]
Dent's life in exile was sometimes rough. Forced to watch reruns of Laverne and Shirley, many of his closest friends, especially former army generals, preached against Dent's battleplans. It did become fashionable in certain liberal social circles to have Dent about. For some time he was the toast of Manhattan. "Back then, every debutante wanted a slab of Dent meat," wrote Liza Minielli in her autobiography; "So did every foul-mouthed hard-drinking broad like me." He was never able to stay anywhere very long, as he was convinced Sir George Steinbrenner hired assassins to stalk him wherever he went. Psychiatrist I. B. Nutjob judged Dent "clinically messed up."
Did You Know[edit | edit source]
- Nobody likes him.
- He has no friends.
- He has been accused by some of being homosexual.