Chris Taylor (CT3)

Christopher Armand Taylor Jr. (Born 8-29), nicknamed CT3, is a baseball player and the future of MLB? He plays on the Los Angeles Dodgers in order to spite Chris Martinez

Early Life

Taylor was born in Virginia because he was meant to be a virgin. However, he got engaged later in life so that he could tell MARTINEZ that he gets no bitches with no repercussions.

On September 10 2006, Christopher Javier Martinez Jr was born and named after Chris Taylor, although he still does not know to this day.

The Future of Baseball

Seattle Kraken

Taylor getting drafted by the Mariners and looking like a fucking Rabbit.

The Seattle Seahawks drafted Chris Taylor in the 592nd round. He had 0 potential in AP Chemistry, but 100 potential in MLB as a super utility player. He could play short stock, second base, left field, very left field, catcher, relief pitcher, quarterback, and general manager.

Taylor had a shitty career in Seattle, batting only 0.001 and not getting a single KO. Taylor would request a trade to the general manager of the Mariners, Quandale Dingle. He asked for the Los Angeles Dodgers so that he could be on MARTINEZ's least favorite team.

Doyers

2016

Once arriving in Los Angeles, he immediately became very good just like literally anyone else that goes to the Dodgers. On July 15 2016, Taylor got his first KO, a grand slam, after passionately making out with Joc Pederson against the Arizona Dickbags. He also fell just short of hitting for the cycle in this game as he could not get the solo kill.

2017

Taylor did not make the opening day roster of the 2017 season as he was serving time in jail for pissing in a local childrens park. He returned on April 19 after being bailed out by Austin Barnes. On July 16, Taylor had more history against the Arizona Dickbags when he got his first career walk off. The pitcher had a stroke in the 9th inning while Taylor was batting, and the dodgers had the lead...

After making multiple errors in Left field that would surely never happen again, Taylor began gettin reps in center field, third base, and goalie to expand his super utility status further. In the 2017 postseason, Chris Taylor hit a home run on the very first pitch of the world series. Unfortunately, George Solar pulled off this feat in much cooler fashion in 2021, so nobody cares. Taylor would win NLCS MVP along with Justin Turner, where the two would later have gay sex to celebrate. The dodgers season ended with them losing the World Series to the Astros who won fair and square.

2018

Taylor had a great regular season in 2018, tallying 180 hit and runs, 79 rubies stolen, 45 home invasions, and 3 cases of tax fraud. He played most games at short stock due to teammate Corey Seager breaking his arm from being shot in the leg. On September 10, MARTINEZ turned 12 and was deeply upset by the news Chris Taylor was representing MLB in the Japan all star series. In game 7 of the world series, Taylor and many other teammates laughed their asses off when they saw Manny Machado strike out on a pitch at his feet and fall to his knee, only to realize they had just lost the world series again...

2019-2020

Taylor had 94 abuse claims and 38 car thefts in 2019, and an MLB record 301 cases of public masturbation. In 2020, he signed a 2 year extension to avoid being fed to the wolfs. The dodgers would go on to win the world series where Taylor hit only 1 woman in the entire postseason. This world series run does not count as it was a shortened season and because the dodgers are literally so cringe.

Shit Gets Real

2021

Taylor was selected to his first all star game in 2021 after slashing 68 tires, batting 1300, and acquiring 73 saves. During the all star game, Taylor and Cardinals closer Alex Reyes got in a heated debate ending with Reyes telling him "If I ever pitch you, I will strike you out fool :bean:"

After learning MARTINEZ now liked baseball, Taylor got to work. He first broke Fernando Tatis Jr's shoulder by tapping it lightly. He then added Adam Failure, Jake Arrieta, and Vince Velazquez to his payroll for them all to be atrocious. Finally, he gave Tyler Gilbert a crap ton of steroids to no hit the Padres. All of this led to the 2021 Padres collapse in order to make MARTINEZ depressed.

Postseason

Taylor did not get the start in the NL Wild card game due to burning his pinky with a hot glue gun. Once he saw Alex Reyes was put into the game, he put Dodgers manager David Robertson at gunpoint to put him in the game. Chris Taylor walked up to the plate with Ching Cheng Hanji playing, and stared Alex Reyes down the whole at bat. With Christopher Javier Martinez Jr. watching, Chris Taylor hit a 2 run walk off home run off Reyes to send the dodgers to the NLDS. MARTINEZ threw his phone at the tv and Reyes slit his own throat later that night.

After learning Chrissy had just unlocked his postseason card in MLB the Show 21 after many failed attempts, Taylor decided it would be a funny prank to hit 3 home runs in one game the very next day. MARTINEZ got very pissed as he could not watch the game 6 Taylor just forced, and to add insult to injury, Taylor payed Temit Borunda $5M to steal MARTINEZ's homecoming date. The dodgers would end up losing to the Atlanta Falcons without MARTINEZ watching, to Taylor's Joy.

Chris Taylor celebrates after giving MARTINEZ clincal depression

The Rivalry does not end

2022

Prior to the season, Taylor signed a 4 year $7M, frontloaded contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers. He was quoted saying "I just want to stay here so fucking Martinez has a reason to keep hating me." Despite being a "gold glove" left fielder, that is where Taylor spent most of his time during the 2022 season after former teammate AJ Pollock was revealed to be in the Italian Mob and is currently on the run.

On April 23, Chris Taylor got Jurickson Profucked when he was thrown out trying to run to 3rd base against the Padres in the 10th inning. While humiliating at the time for Taylor, what was more humiliating was Profar allowing a runner to reach 3rd base because of his overconfidence. Taylor watched as dodger legend Manny Machado ripped Profar's arm off.

Midway through the season, Taylor stubbed his toe on a dog toy and missed significant time. Once he learned the Dodgers were playing Gary Soto and the new Padres, he immediately returned just to piss off Chrissy. On September 11 2022, Taylor gave MARTINEZ a late birthday present by hitting a home run in a dodgers blowout victory against the Padres.

On September 12 2022, the dodgers secured their 18th playoff appearance in 6 years. Taylor released a public quote stating "I vow to bring a real ring to Los Angeles by hitting 7 home runs and not getting arrested. This way MARTINEZ won't have any excuses."

Postseason

The San Diego Shitters managed to clinch a playoff appearance for the first time since 78 B.C after Fernando Titties Jr poisoned the referees with petrol. Taylor placed a bet of $7M for the new york mest to beat the padres in the wild card. When asked about the bet, Taylor uttered "Its all about the mets baby the mets." Unfourtantly, the padres ended up winning the series and Taylor was forced to declare bankruptcy.

In a violent series that ended with 57 total kills, 13 different STD's identified, and 1 act of terrorism, the padres managed to beat their rival team and advance in the playoffs. This was the first time in MLB history a team was eliminated from the playoffs during MARTINEZ's homecoming in back to back years. This was also the first time in franchise history the padres won a baseball game against the dodgers. Taylor performed extremly poorly in this series, not getting a single KO. The dodgers euthanized Taylor and buried him in the trenches of San Diego. While the padres would go on to get sexually assaulted, MARTINEZ was simply happy that the dodgers suck and his enemy was dead. However, this would not be the end of Chris Taylor...

Taylor tries to run away from his imminent death

The Return

On December 33rd, 2022, a woman named Vanessa Brinkman tracked down the body of Chris Taylor. Using the power of shitty hamilton music, she managed to bring him back from the dead. She explains that she is a loyal dodger fan, and began to idolize Taylor when she learned of their mutual hatred for a Chrid Martjnez. Taylor thanks Brinkman and lets her know he is in her debt.

The Journey

After jerking off, Taylor embarked on his journey back to Los Angeles. Along the way, Taylor kidnapped JD Martinez, the uncle to Christopher Martinez. He forced him to play for the dodgers this season, and he ended up getting disowned by the Martinez family. Taylor added Naval Officer to his super utility status after stealing a battleship from San Diego, and fighting in the Vietnam war. Once he finally returned to LA, he convinced the team to bring him back after giving Mookie Betts unbelievable head.

2023

Taylor started to show signs of age as he only ran 14 red lights and robbed 3 local markets. Taylor notched his first career act of mass genocide after bombing the Oakland Assletics. On May 28, Taylor smacked 2 strippers in one game against the Tampa Ray Rays. This was not enough however, as Wander Franco set an MLB record of touching 81 children to win the game. On July 18th 2049, Taylor hit a grand slam off orioles pitcher Samuel after learning MARTINEZ became an orioles fan. Taylor was forced to cut his season short after being assigned a mission from Brinkman.

The dodgers would go on to get swept by the Arizona Dickbags in the NLDS. After losing 3 consecutive postseason series in a row, the organization was relocated to the country of Oman.

Assassination Attempt

The Heist

After Brinkman finally reached her breaking point, she gives Taylor the task of bringing her cyanide poison so she can end MARTINEZ. Taylor finds the best location for cyanide is vought industries, and he begins to recruit a team to help him. He brings Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner, due to his elite speed and rizz. He also brings Giancarlo "Watch This" Stanton for his monstrous thighs. The last member of the squad is Fernando Titties Jr, who Taylor bribed with a fresh motorcycle.

At approximately 8:29 pm on August 29, the group began the break in. Using his cybernetic blades, Tittes cut a hole in the wall of vought industries. When reaching the cyanide labrotory, Stanton says "Watch This" and gets the password correct on the first try. The group loads up on the poison and begins to make their escape, but as they leave alarms begin to go off...

Trea Turner, brother of Megan Turner, runs at lightspeed to escape but is corned by guards. Using his argument and rhetorical skills, along with slight begging, he is able to walk out off vought industries unarmed. Although he got the cyanide, his sister asked him to use the cyanide on a student named Paul Rivers instead. He is unaware that on March 13th, 2025, he will be poisoned.

In order to get the cyanide out quickly, Stanton threw it up like a baseball, said "Watch This" and hit the cyanide 8000ft at an exit velocity of 400 mph. It was later found that the cyanide sniped Josh Hater, and he has become unable to be an elite closer. As Stanton tried to escape, he tore every muscle in his body at once and was sent to the ER. He is currently still recovering.

Titties used his built in jetpack to escape vought and he returned to his home country of the Dominicus Republic. Titties began to mix the cyanide with petrol and ringworm medication in hopes of making the perfect steroid. However, he was kidnapped by the Padres and shipped out to Vietnam. He is scheduled to return in the 2025 season.

Taylor's cyanide was the only one to reach Brinkman, as he sent it through down the toilet and it appeard at westlake high schoiol. Taylor stayed behind to fight off the guards, and got more KO's than he did in the entire MLB season. Taylor was eventually subdued when the guards unleashed the dommy mommys on him. Taylor is now being held at a supermax facility and is sentenced to 300 years in prison. He is roomates with Rays superstar Wander Franco.

The Kill

With the cyanide received from Taylor, Brinkman had all that she needed to kill MARTINEZ. During a waffle party, she slipped the cyanide into a waffle she planned to give to MARTINEZ, but due to being an anorexic shitter he only ate half the waffle. While he still had unforgivable diarrhea, MARTINEZ survived and has lived to become Johnny Cage.

Taylor learned about the failed attempt from his prison cell, and was very frustrated. He has promised himself that when he gets out, he will finish the job.

All In.

Music Persona and Football

In December of 2023, the Cleveland Browns paid $10M to bail out Chris Taylor from prison. Since Taylor is a super utility player, he was eligible to play quarterback for the remainder of the NFL season. With his recent struggles in MLB, Taylor saw this as his opportunity to prove to the world he still had what it takes to fuck up Chris Martinez.

Literally Chris fucking Taylor

Taylor became prime Tom Brady for 2 months, and led the Browns to the playoffs. Every time he threw the football, Taylor pretended as if he was trying to snipe MARTINEZ in the head. As he waited for the postseason to begin, Taylor was approached by a new teacher from Westlake, Ms Trongal. Tronglee explained her hatred for MARTINEZ, and told Taylor of her plan to force Chrid to have her class all 6 periods. Taylor immediatly killed her, stating "Even I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy."

In the playoffs, the Cleveland Browns were blown out by the Joe Swansons. After the embarrassing loss, the Browns tried sending Chris Taylor back to prison. However, Taylor was saved by the LA dodgers, who came back for him after seeing his zesty athleticism return. Pookie Betts gave the entire football team unbelievable head, while Julio Urias beat their wives. Upon returning to California, Taylor went after Mrs Brinkman after her failed murder. He forced her to eat an entire waffle, and she was never heard singing Hamilton again...

Chris taylor celebrates Chrid having no prom date

The Rivarly Ends

Before the 2024 season, the Oman Doggers had to prove they deserved to be back in the MLB after 3 straight seasons of shitting the bed. Some would call them the Amber Heard's. The Doggers waited for a miracle to happen, and luckily it did. Rumors around the league speculated that Shohei Ohtani was signing with the Toronto Blue Gays, and he was currently en route via PLANE. That plane never made it Toronto, it crashed in the middle of LA with cum stains in the pilot seat. MLB let the Dogshitters return to LA now that they had abg Ohtani.

Unc Status

Chris Taylor arrived on opening day for the LA Dogs, hoping to get his rod going. Unfortunately for him, he completely forgot how to play baseball. Even worse, he was currently on a 16 game losing streak in apple 8Ball. The other doggers busted all over the place, but sadly Taylor could not join the group sex. At the same time, Chrid popped off in his AP exams making Taylor cry.

While Chris Taylor was finally able to hit a women in early May, he was still unable to keep up with the younglings. Taylor had a brain aneurism trying to understand what a "skibidi gyatt" was. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, Chrissy Javier accidently rizzed at grad nite. Taylor had a heart attack hearing this news, and had to be hospitalized immediately. His heart was giving out, and thought it was the end for him, again.

Cuphead

For what he believed to be his final day on earth, Chris Taylor went to a local church to pray on Chrid's downfall. As he prayed, a voice answered. The devilsh voice told Taylor he could have what he desired, in exchange for his soul. Although he knew he was making a deal with the devil (get the reference), Taylor had no choice. He couldn't let chrissy be happy.

Taylor realizes he forgot to deactivate his Grindr account

Chrid all of a sudden lost interest, leading to a generational fumble. This allowed Taylor to recover from his heart attack and return to the Doders and their ultra gayness. Taylor finalized his super utility resume, adding middle reliever, linebacker, and foot massage artist. Although he couldn't touch balls as often as before, Taylor instead became a mentor to the younglings. He taught them basic Dodger principles, like how its ok to kiss the homies goodnight. He also told them if a certain player in a Rays uniform is nearby, run.

In the last month of the season, the San Diego Dads were withing striking distance of the LA dongs for the NL southeast title. While it seemed like destiny for the dads to finally one up LA, some shitter ruined that by making deals with the devil. The dongs clapped the dads in the last week of the season, forcing them to play in the freaky card series. It was also around this time when UCSB suddenly became the worst college to attend.

Lets do this one last time.

While the Dads got FREAKY in the freaky card series, they needed to beat LA in order to save Chrissy Jr from being miserable. Taylor watched in the stands as the dads lowkey fucked the doggers. In their elimination game, Taylor forced himself to be put in the game as he knew he was the only hope. It turns out he was correct as the dongs scored 80 runs in the game. Chrissy also had his final dodger highlight, robbing a home run from Manny Machado and making him rage-retire on the spot.

In the winner take all game, Taylor returned to the bench and watched the Dad's suck SO BAD! With Chrid Martjnez watching, the Doggers eliminated the Dads from the playoffs. Chrid beat the living shit out of the nearest punching bag, and proceeded to jump off UCSB stadium. Taylor began fading away from reality, but deep down, he had a stomach ache.

The LA doggers held a funeral themed group sex for Chris Taylor, but they celebrated the fact he died doing what he loved. Making chrid miserable. However, maybe Chrid does get the last laugh after all. Taylor wasn't aware that hell has dommy demons. He now spends eternity getting it from behind...