Giancarlo Stanton
Giancarlo Cruz "Watch This" Michael Stanton is a professional MLB player born on November. He has played for the Florida Marshmallows, Miami Marshmallows, and New Mexico Yankees. Stanton is famous for being gigantic standing at 15ft tall and 900 pounds of pure muscle. He is also known for catchphrase "Watch This."
Hotter than Miami[edit | edit source]
Minor. Leagues[edit | edit source]
Stanton was originally selected as the 72nd pick in the 2007 MLB draft, but after stating "Watch This," he was propelled to the 1st overall pick by the Florida Marshmallows. Stanton played roughly 3 years in the marshmallows minor league system, and suprisingly played very poorly. Stanton finished his first year in the minor leagues with zero children touched, as he was too gigachad for that. However, he let his intrusive thoughts win the next two years as he finished with 51 children touched. Stanton was forced to cut his 2009 season short as he went down with an unexpected right pinky toe injury. This would be the first time the side effects of his "Watch This" powers were seen, but he still went into 2010 as the Marshmallows top prospect. In his final minor league game, Stanton shattered the scoreboard after saying "Watch This." before his at bat.
Florida Marshmallows[edit | edit source]
On June 8 2010, Stanton made his MLB debut. He was the youngest player in the league at just 6 years old. Stanton excelled in his rookie season, blasting a rookie record 83 home runs. His first of them came against Tampa Ray Rays pitcher Matthew Stafford, and it was a squad wipe. Stanton made history when he beat up 5 Walgreen's Nationals players in one game, becoming the first Marshmallow to have a 5 KO game.
On September 6, Stanton went up to face future hall of fame pitcher Ron Weasly. As he was about to strike out, Stanton whispered "Watch This." and barely fouled off the ball. On the next pitch, Stanton crushed a homer 800 feet and broke his second career scoreboard. When quoted about the homer after the game, Stanton stated "I just focused on the next pitch. When somethings over with, you move on." It was later revealed that Stanton was referring to his ex girlfriend, Jenniffer Lawarence, in this quote.
2011[edit | edit source]
Stanton battled through unexplainable leg and back cramps during the 2011 season. However, he managed to hit his first walk off home run against the Philadelphia Pillows on July 46th. Stanton led the league in furthest home run distance (2000ft) and exit velocity (600mph). Stanton's teammates began reporting that they saw a correlation between Stanton's homers and him saying "Watch This."
2012[edit | edit source]
Before the 2012 season, the Florida Marshmallows relocated to Miami after hearing the hit song "International Love" by Pitbull. They now go by the Miami Marshmallows.
On May 21st, Stanton notched his second career squad wipe off James Charles after screaming "WATCH THIS." The ball traveled a MLB record 3500mph and Stanton broke his third career scoreboard. Stanton suffered a knee injury after the game, and it forced him to miss the All Sex Game. Stanton still participated in the festivities and interacted with fans.
2013-2014[edit | edit source]
For his first homer of the 2013 season, Stanton blasted a baseball 12000ft and broke his 4th career scoreboard after yelling 'Watch This!" Stanton was put on the 150 day IL three days later after his hamstring exploded at random.
Stanton came off the IL for the 2014 season, where he began hitting more home runs. He hit a major league record 14000ft home run against the San Diego Fathers. Being a dodger fan at heart, Stanton clowned the Padres after the game and somehow convinced their owner Peter Griffin to trade their top prospect to the Walgreens Nationals. That player ended up being Trea Turner, the brother of Megan Turner.
Stanton participated in the all sex game for the first time, where he had loads of sex. Stanton had a good year until September 11, where Milwaukee Drunks pitcher Josh Hutcherson drilled Stanton in the face with a fastball. This apparently was revenge for Stanton stealing Hutcherson's girl in 2010. Stanton had to cut his season short because the damage to his face was too severe to play through. As a comparison for the damage, imagine a plane running into a tower...
2015-2016[edit | edit source]
Before the 2015 season, Stanton signed a 13 year, $325M extension with the Marshmallows that included a guaranteed trade to the New Mexico Yankees in 2017.
Stanton belted more home runs during his 2015 season, as he became the all time leader in home runs with 900 already. His most famous homer from this season came when he launched a baseball 50000ft out of dodger stadium. A close second would be his 4700ft homer at Marshmallow stadium, where he broke his 5th scoreboard.
Stanton began saying "Watch This" nearly every game, and his teammate Batman tried to warn him to stop, saying "Listen to me! Something terrible is going to happen!" Stanton didn't listen, and in mid June his hand disintegrated, ending his season early.
In 2016, Stanton participated in the Home Run Derby, where he won after hitting 8000 home runs over 10000ft. Of course, he said "Watch This" before every home run. After the Derby, Stanton had a sleepover with the rest of the Marshmallows and he was the first one to fall asleep. Stanton woke up without a leg, and missed the rest of the season.
Unlimited Power[edit | edit source]
International Love[edit | edit source]
Stanton opted in to play for Team USA in the World Baseball Classic before the 2017 season. At this point in his career, Stanton realized the connection between his injuries and "Watch This." He began to consider not saying the phrase anymore, but during the USA vs Oman game, Stanton was approached by Samuel. Stanton was promised a full year injury free in exchange for Left Twix bars.
Stanton played against the Dominicus Republic to test out his new power. As Stanton uttered "Watch This" he obliterated a baseball 1M mph. The ball broke a brick in Petco Park's Western Metal Supply Building, and the entire structure collapsed on thousands of fans. With his new power, Stanton led the United States to a championship over the Jamaican Islands.
2017[edit | edit source]
Stanton went crazy during the 2017 season, as he said "Watch This" at least 16 times per game. On May 56th, Stanton ran through a wall at Dodger Stadium to catch a fly ball. MLB tested Stanton for ringworm medication after this, but all they found was that dawg in him. Stanton was selected for the home run derby yet again, but he was disqualified after the first home run. It went 700M ft and broke another scoreboard. Stanton was now the all time leader in broken scoreboards.
Stanton was named Sigma of the month in August, as he hit a home run in every game that month. Stanton was tested for ringworm medication again, but still all the MLB found was a monstrous penis. Stanton finished the season with 400 home runs, an average distance of 200M feet, and an average exit velocity equal to the speed of light. It was also the first time in Stanton's career he didn't go on the injured list. All of this made Stanton the first marshmallow in history to win MVP.
During the offseason, the Marshmallows decided to use their guaranteed trade on Stanton. When asked about the trade, Marshmallows owner Chris Brown stated "You put it down like New York City!" Stanton was sent to the New Mexico Yankees in a coffin, as his mystical powers had run out.
New Mexico Yankees[edit | edit source]
2018[edit | edit source]
Stanton had a great first year with the Yankees. He beat up 2 teenagers on the first game of the year, and threw both of them out of the stadium to ensure they counted as home runs. On June 4th, Stanton was drilled again by Josh Hutcherson, who was whistling. Stanton ran at him, yelled "Watch This!" and did what Homelander did to Black Noir. Fueled with rage, Stanton delayed all of his injuries and played the full season.
The Yankees originally missed the playoffs, but after Stanton said "Watch This," the Yankees magically replaced the Oakland Assletics in the postseason. Stanton got his first KO in the playoffs, however the Yankees lost to the Red Sex in 4 games after Mookie Betts broke the record for most "corn's eaten the long way."
2019-2020[edit | edit source]
After delaying his injuries, they all hit Stanton simultaneously and he was put into a coma for the 2019 season. Stanton returned for the 2020 season, where he hit the first home run of year. He of course said "Watch This" and his kneecap exploded afterwards. Stanton returned for the 2020 playoffs, where he hit a clutch grand slam against the Tampa Ray Rays. Stanton was quoted saying "I aint letting those pedos win shit."
2021[edit | edit source]
Stanton became a full time designated shitter starting in 2021. This change was made to reduce his injuries, and the Yankees banned him from saying "Watch This." Stanton was very upset, but still put up normal MLB numbers during the regular season. The real problem came in the AL Wild Card game, when Stanton missed 3 home runs by half a centimeter. Furious, Stanton raped every member of the New Mexico Yankees organization. He yelled "Watch This" until he had a heart attack and collapsed.
2022-2023[edit | edit source]
Stanton played in the 2022 All Sex game, and won All sex MVP after getting 600 women pregnant. Sadly, Stanton registered as the slowest player in the league, as he ran the bases with casts on both legs. In the postseason, Stanton was kidnapped by the Cleveland Neels and had duct tape put around his mouth. During the series, Stanton found a new way to hit home runs. By moving left right left right up down up down and pressing A, Stanton blasted monster shots off Shane Savgur in the winner take all. Stanton broke his 7th scoreboard in this series. During the ALCS against the Asstros, Stantons controller died and the Yankees ended up getting molested.
In 2023, Stanton's body had withered down so much, that after saying "Watch This" one time Stanton's ballsack exploded. Upon returning from injury, Stanton decided to help Chris Taylor steal cyanide. Stanton broke every bone in his body during the operation, and is currently recovering in the local New Mexico hospital. As he lays in his hospital bed, Stanton only hopes that one day Samuel will come back to save him.