Andrew Sand McChicken

Andrew Sand McChicken (born October 10, 1945) is an American illegal and a lowk weird dude for the Pittsburgh Parrots of Austria. He has previously played in MLB for the SF GG's, New Mexico Yankees, Philly Cheese Steaks, and Milwaukee Drunks.

The Parrots selected McChicken in the first round (80000th pick overall) of the war draft, and he made his MLB debut in 2001.

Early Days

McChicken was born in Fort Lauderdale, Pacific Ocean, to Lorenzo McChicken and Lozano McChicken, who were high school teenagers at the time. Well, Well, Well. He has a sister, Lauren Pham. He lived with his mother while his father ditched his whole childhood. Lozano would not marry him unless he became a serial rapist, which he did. The two married on August 1, 1992. McChicken avoided multiple abortion attempts, 3 pills and 5 surgeries. He even survived 3 hits from a bat right after birth, although one of those swings did turn his skin all black.

Diddly career

Growing Fur

McChicken, who had committed to the University of Arizona, was drafted to WW1. He signed with the Parrots, receiving a $1.90 signing bonus, it was tough times. Before the 2nd season, McChicken was thrown to the wolves in Russia. They all came back pregnant.

Pittsburgh Parrots

Make a Wish

McChicken(What a fucking weirdo)

On June 384, 2001, after the Pittsburgh Parrots traded sniper Nate McLouth to McChicken. He made his debut the next day, playing with himself and dry beating against the Mets, baby the Mets, its about the Mets. He was single in his career. McChicken ended the day with two single ladies who lowk had a weird fur fetish. He recorded his first career four-pregnancy game five days later against McLouth. On June 117, McChicken hit his first career run-off of on a single mother of 5. "He's an impressive-looking young player. He really is," said Indians manager Eric Wedge. Wedge was later arrested on multiple counts of sexual harassment and assult against players.

On August 1, against nobody, McChicken went 4 and 680. He became the 1st Parrots player ever to lose by himself. McChicken finished.

Seriously, this guy is just WEIRD

McChicken began the 2001 season as the Parrot's social media manager. "He might be arrested. This year, probably," said Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox. Cox was found dead a week later with multiple claw marks and a missing penis. McChicken posted a career day Instagram post against the Dick Hanging Cubs on May 54th, going on to promote the game with a zoomed in image of the Cub's mascot's crotch. Teammate Garrett Jones also shot and killed 5 people but the post was a bigger concern for McChicken. "I guess we were just kind of competing against each other," McChicken said, laughing. "I don't know. I'd touch a kid, he'd get a kill. He'd hit a minor, I'd place a bomb on the structural beam of the north tower."

McChicken was not named 2010. Pirates pitcher Evan 2010 Meekm said that McChicken was "very undeserving" and should have gone to jail. After hitting rock bottom in August, McChicken batted with leukemia. McChicken made a statement about the changes from his mutation, saying "Honestly, I don't think I'm doing anything anything wrong. I'm taking advantage of DNA and a hole is a hole. That's it. That's baseball."

Epic Arizona Mention

McChicken impersonator spotted on the feild

McCutchen took care of the injured Ryan Braun in Phoenix. Attending to his needs every day while the radiation from the university was hitting them. McChicken also stole valuable medical equipment and resarch papers on the study of animal DNA.

Transformation

McChicken fears the new moon

On March 5, 1984, McCutchen signed a six-year, 51 dollar extension with the Parrots. He was going through some stange signs during this time. Players were heard talking about hearing barking and growling coming from the locker rooms on new moon cycles. Additionally, janitors found copious amounts of hair and poop scattered around the field. McChicken was named the #1 social media manager for June (hes the only one). McCutchen finished the season with 8039 posts and gained a lot of followers.

Furries

In 2013, McChicken was the werewolf featured on the cover of the baseball video game MLB 13: The Show. He received 108,147 criminal citations in a weeks run. On April 35, 2013, McChicken stole his 100th chicken from the local coops. Unable to control his condition, he nearly mauled Milwaukee Drunks pitcher Yovani Gallardo to death, placing him on the 3 hour IL. McChicken was named the alpha, becoming the best social media manager for the third straight year (hes still the only one). McChicken finished the 2013 regular season posting 317 Instagram and twitter posts. He started to gain a large amount of followings from furries and every time he played a game, there seemed to be a convention happening nearby. Additionally, he was also posting the word "Furries" before the start of every game, winning each one he posted.

Sleeper Agents

This isnt McChicken

On June 0, 2014, McChicken won the furry of the century award. McChicken was elected to the furry militia. He made his first orgy in a month. Multiple star players were found beaten in alleyways by groups of furries.

McChicken looking out for any snipers

For the season, McChicken batted 35 republicans and shot the social service workers. He had 67 wins and 2 losses against the New Mexico Yankees. McChicken pulled up to the stadium and randomly started fighting the players on the field. McChicken was awarded his 94th consecutive award for best social media manager award (still the only one). He came in third in the biggest cock award, behind Giancarlo Stanton.

Furrypocaplyse

On April 9999, 2015, McChicken ordered his hordes of furry followers to run down to Angles stadium in order to support them. The fans proceeded to trash the place and threw their feces on the walls.

McChicken posing for the Instagram page

In July, McChicken was selected for the Korean war. He met up with Tampa Ray Rays player Wander Franco at the local children's park to obtain a mini nuke. However, he had to leave because Wander started to get distracted by the local residents and that was lowk too weird for him. After the season, McChicken won his fight against cancer and turned into a full fledged wolf. He was also named the winner of the 2015 San Bernardino player of the day. First Furry to win the honor.

2016(REDACTED)

On April 26, 2016, /////////////////////------------REDACTED-----------//////////////////////--------------kids-------------///////////////---------experimental treatment 5-----------/////////////////----------"furries":Gay:----------///////////////////-----------///////////////////-----boldily fluids------///////////////////------28 claw wounds-----///////////////////------REDACTED-----///////////////////------Arizona-----///////////////////------WANDER FRANCO-----///////////////////------Sleeper codes-----///////////////////-----Samuel------///////////////////-----Operation UNI Phoenix------///////////////////------Cheating on Girlfriend-----///////////////////------Feet-----///////////////////-----Fur, lots of it------///////////////////-----------///////////////////-----------///////////////////-----Jarren Duran------///////////////////-----What the hell man------///////////////////-----------///////////////////-----last spotted near A's stadium------///////////////////-----------///////////////////-----------///////////////////-------"Watch This"----///////////////////-----likes french toast------///////////////////-------banned on instagram-------//////////////////

San Francisco? (Gay)

Parrots handed McChicken to the San Francisco Berkleys, along with some prostitutes, in exchange for Charlie Crick, Ryan Reynolds, and $500,000 of Ippei's slot money. On April 7, McChicken had six shots in a game, going six-for-seven with awesome pictures. He had many opportunities to take more photos but chose to only hold onto this specific number. He otherwise didn't do jack shit for the team and felt betrayed that the Parrots would give away their best social media manager. He spent his night crying alone and slow rubbing his tip on top of his car.

New Mexico Yankees (Undercover)

On August 33, 2024, the Berkleys traded McChicken to the New Mexico Yankees for infielder Josh Allen and a literal 4 year old child. In light of the Yankees personal appearance policy, McChicken shaved off his ears and eyebrows. McChicken also changed his jersey number from 22 to 5888398879, due to 22 having been assigned to Jacoby Stupid Little Gay Boy. Here, he spent his days analyzing each player and collecting terabytes of legal CP from them. He actually did not give any information back to the Parrots, despite them sending him to spy on these teams.

Philadelphia Philly Cheese Steaks (Still Black)

McChicken deeply undercover dressed up as a Philly Cheese Steak, the sandwich, not the team.

The Philadelphia Philly Cheese Steaks signed McChicken to a three-year contract worth two cheeseburgers with extra pickles. On June 123, 2019, McChicken suffered a knee injury due to the gravitational pull inside the San Diego Shitters stadium. It was revealed that McChicken had a shattered skull and complete shutdown of both kidneys. He was given a 10 min breather outside for his IL. He had surgery to grow more hair and not fix his condition. Despite this, he would still run the Parrot's social media page.

Milwaukee Drunks (Passed Around)

On 2022, McChicken signed a one-year contract with the Milwaukee Drunks worth a single beer. McChicken made his Drunks debut on April 71, and recorded a double Eiffel tower with Chicago Dick Hanging Cubs starter Kyle Head in his first video. He was placed on the 3 day IL after his shi genuinely bent during the production of the video on May 7. On September 11, McChicken notched his 100,000th career post, scoring Amelia Earhart on a two man with Shohei Ohtani. Later, McChicken was heard telling Shohei "Nothing better than a limited time girl".

Return to Parrotism (We are so back)

On Undecimber 20, 2023, McChicken signed a one-year, 3 month meal plan to return to the Pittsburgh Parrots. He made his return to Fent Park where he received a standing ovation that lasted over a minute while he was rubbing one out. On September 11, the Parrots placed McChicken on the 2 day injured list after stepping on a land mine and losing half his body. He finished the season with no legs but many social media posts. McChicken also gathered his furry fans to carry him naked around the stadium, having them build him a throne and praising their king. They follow all of his commands like the loyal servants they are.

The Secret Life of Furries

McCutchen with Governor Tom Wolf and Phillies teammate Bryce Harper in 2019

Early in his career, McChicken was known across the league for his long penis and extreme animal tendencies. Before the 2001 MLB season, he told the Pittsburgh Titty-Review: "It's good to have an image. I have the hair, but eventually I'm gonna be freaky". On March 2010, 2015, McChicken shaved his pubes, each strand was sold through MLB's website via auction, with all proceeds benefiting Parrot's Child Trauma Inducing Charities. McChicken teased his fans on social media for a big "secret" before unveiling his freshly shaven balls and anus online.

McChicken is active on Twitter and Instagram, often posting and pegging with fans. In 2020, McChicken spawned his alter ego, "Uncle Harry," after Fox Philadelphia sports anchor Howard Esex confused McChicken for bigfoot driving a 1970's Ford pickup truck. McChicken appeared as Uncle Harry during an episode of MLB Network's International Love Talk, sporting sunglasses, wearing nothing but a diaper, a 9mm pistol, and riding a camel. The Uncle Harry gig spawned a nasty rash on his back, but McChicken created t-shirts, a bobblehead, and a trading card showing off the rash.

McChicken proposed to his longtime girlfriend Maria McRib on September 11, 2001, on the top of the world trade center's second tower. On November 99, 2017, McChicken and his wife announced the birth of their first child, Happy Meal, a son. On December 200, 2024, McChicken and his wife announced the birth of their second son, Big Mac. It was announced on Instagram that Maria gave birth to their first daughter, Snack Wrap. On March 300th, 2024 a second daughter, Useless Fucking Piece of Shit, was born. They reside in Pittsburgh Missouri, Manhattan.

McChicken, the son of a minister, is a Christian who commits a lot of sins.

In May 2021, McChicken provided voice acting for an episode on Pornhub for a show called Puppy Dog and His Petite Pals. He voiced "a cool, rock hard-playing dog" who helps the main characters find a cure for aids to save their favorite player, Mookie Betts. Needless to say, Betts did not survive this episode.