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Rest In Peace brave souls
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In MemoriamIs it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
| Today's Featured Article
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| On this day...
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February 17: Sheeranist New Year (United Kingdom)
- 1991 - Famed British musician Ed Sheeran is born. Brits rejoice that their Messiah is finally with them.
- 1996 - Gary Kasparov loses a game of chess to a computer, like that's never happened to anyone before.
- 2008 - USA bombs some country after the military finds a few extra bombs hiding in an old pair of pants.
- 2017 - Denmark is officially recognized as a mistake and erased from history.
- 2026 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of en.uncyclopedia.co die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
- ... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
- ... that the concept of Hell dates back to ancient Egyptians' fear of sand burning your feet?
- ... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (Pictured)
- ... that Abraham Lincoln was an accomplished skateboarder?
- ... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
- ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accouterments as alarmingly asinine alignments?
- ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
