ʔK'âʞДe
ʔK'âʞДe (a name unpronounceable in any human language) is an alien from the planet Mocca CN-5. ʔK'âʞДe is a member of an obscure methane-breathing extraterrestrial race (Mocca CN-5 Specimen 1) in which the male or male-analogue aliens have stretchy ring-shaped organs analogous to human testicles. These "testicles" can inflate to a massive size if a "Mocca CN-5 Specimen 1" alien consumes large amounts of liquid hydrogen.
ʔK'âʞДe stole the "Un-existinator" from a volcano-covered planet in a galaxy far, far away, although no aliens (or humans who don't even believe in the aliens, even after watching Tsoukalos' "Ancient Aliens" show for hours upon end), are aware of ʔK'âʞДe's crimes. Will this fiend of fiends be discovered? What will be ʔK'âʞДe's fate should err.. it... be discovered?
Early life[edit | edit source]
ʔK'âʞДe was placed on the watchlist of the Galactic Police at the age of only 1 (in Mocca CN-5 years, equivalent to approximately 6 earth years. And since Mocca CN-5 Specimen 1 aliens, hereafter referred to as Moccans, live for much longer than humans due to their genetically engineered bodies, that would be equivalent to a two-year-old committing multiple crimes against humanity on Earth. ʔK'âʞДe immediately went into hiding in the forest of Rhodomoccadendron trees, and has remained undetected ever since due to a powerful EMP generator which ʔK'âʞДe had bought a few intergalactic xylophoniums before.
A few of ʔK'âʞДe's crimes include milking the Sacred Mutant Cowzilla, out-pizzaing Jabba the Hutt, and releasing several atomic bombs (not seen as much more than a toy to the average Moccan) onto the Great Megalotropolis of ⊥äʎ̝ზ%F.
Err... not early life.[edit | edit source]
ʔK'âʞДe managed to reintegrate into Mocca CN-5 society, albeit under close watch from the Galactic Police, who didn't want to arrest ʔK'âʞДe for actions committed so many years ago, at such a young age.
ʔK'âʞДe still is one stealthy guy, for sure, so ʔK'âʞДe managed to hijack a ultra-mega-super-lightweight-deluxe-class shuttle, jumping to LUDICROUS SPEED, reaching the volcanic planet 1NS7-4NTD3A-7H and swapping out the Un-existinator for a false replica, Indiana Jones-style, without anybody noticing.
Eventually signals were spreading all over the galaxy about the discovery that the Un-Existinator had been stolen, but ʔK'âʞДe didn't care, due to being well on the way to the planet Jupiter with a low-tech wormhole-gun.
ʔK'âʞДe then set up a cruddy shack at Jupiter's solid core, surviving by eating its own shit and drinking liquid hydrogen (a practice frowned upon by Moccasins in general.)
ʔK'âʞДe then landed next to the Moccasian palace, where he erased all of Luna's Moccasin army in self-defence.
